Kind of a pathetic reason to make a post here, but I'm living completely on my own for the first time in my life. That along with a scary new job that prompted me to move have me on a bit of a rocky place mentally. I didn't really have much of a life back home anyways because I was and always have been a loser but being in a familiar place did bring me a lot of comfort which is not there anymore. I am kind of just hoping that I can somehow avoid screwing this job up which I really don't think I'll be able to do. The last year or so of graduate school I pretty much ruined everything I touched and had to leave academia, barely securing my master's degree, in order to salvage my mental health. At that point 9 months ago, I truly never wanted to do any kind of mental work ever again. I was a NEET for a few months after graduating, just living off my savings while applying for positions that I really didn't want and knew I couldn't handle. The fact that I was getting rejected from job after job after job just cemented in my mind that I didn't have the competence to succeed in my field. One of those hundreds of jobs I applied to finally agreed to take me but the process to get my checked out could take months, so I took a job in manufacturing while I was waiting. I was only there for a few months but it was having a profoundly positive effect on my mental health to be there. The work was simple and stress free. I never had to bring work back home with me. I didn't have to endure so much shame anymore. I went from being so tired and depressed that I couldn't motivate myself to watch TV shows or movies to finally getting some life back in me. Everybody around me that knew me throughout that full two year period could notice a dramatic difference. And now I'm voluntarily going back to a similar type of work that broke me that first time. I'm blessed to be able to use my degree but I also can't help but be sad about the situation.
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Lifestyle The Mental Wellness Thread
- Thread starter Rollout Shuckle
- Start date
Had a good day today (well yesterday now since its 3am haha), woke up like "Ugh, I don't feel like doing this today." (Mainly cus I get Saturdays and Mondays off so Sundays just feel like the void in between lol), forgot my earbuds at home noticed only as I was walking into work, etc etc.
I get a few hours in and a girl I use to hang out with (Never a relationship, more so a link up thing but we always got along well and spoke when around each other as if we were more somehow), havent really spoke to her but sparingly since my Dad passed - esp since she had a kid not long after our time (Always cordial and friendly still though).
I had messaged her the other day just saying hope she's good cus she posted something on FB that legit made me laugh and I got a response from her I did not expect.. Thanking me for always being there, checking in. That she wants to put her rough edge and energy behind her [I got a thing for girls who got that "I'm as no nonsense as anyone else, man or woman" energy lol], be more loving and faith driven (since shes had a kid I guess she's "growing up" more - hell losing my would be 1st child, end of that relationship with the would be mother, and my dad soon passing after did it for me, around the same time I knew her in the way we knew one another was the same thing for me. Forced to grow up.).
Told me I made her day hearing from me, "I was always so nice, caring, and a good man," and the thing that blew me away was her saying she loved me.
Even if we just stay as the friendly former fling folk (Alliteration, nice lol), it was definitely incredibly nice getting some flowers, but she did ask me to come hang out sometime - so who knows. I always had a thing for her cus I loved her small, sweet and smart but "Take no nonsense" vibe. I like a woman like that lol
I get a few hours in and a girl I use to hang out with (Never a relationship, more so a link up thing but we always got along well and spoke when around each other as if we were more somehow), havent really spoke to her but sparingly since my Dad passed - esp since she had a kid not long after our time (Always cordial and friendly still though).
I had messaged her the other day just saying hope she's good cus she posted something on FB that legit made me laugh and I got a response from her I did not expect.. Thanking me for always being there, checking in. That she wants to put her rough edge and energy behind her [I got a thing for girls who got that "I'm as no nonsense as anyone else, man or woman" energy lol], be more loving and faith driven (since shes had a kid I guess she's "growing up" more - hell losing my would be 1st child, end of that relationship with the would be mother, and my dad soon passing after did it for me, around the same time I knew her in the way we knew one another was the same thing for me. Forced to grow up.).
Told me I made her day hearing from me, "I was always so nice, caring, and a good man," and the thing that blew me away was her saying she loved me.
Even if we just stay as the friendly former fling folk (Alliteration, nice lol), it was definitely incredibly nice getting some flowers, but she did ask me to come hang out sometime - so who knows. I always had a thing for her cus I loved her small, sweet and smart but "Take no nonsense" vibe. I like a woman like that lol
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I finally did it!
I am leaving smogon after LCPL finals on Sunday , not that this is a bad place, i just realized how much i made the friendships i made here as being the most prominent and important of my life as been here made me not face the reality that, my life sucks and only I can improve it.
Ik it is a very difficult thing to do as here I have 99% of my social life, maybe I comeback just to tell there is life out of here, thank you all of smogon for been incredibly companion in my fight against apathy and for been my place of safety during those 10 years.
I am super scared what this decision will be for my mental health but i dont wanna cope here anymore.
I am leaving smogon after LCPL finals on Sunday , not that this is a bad place, i just realized how much i made the friendships i made here as being the most prominent and important of my life as been here made me not face the reality that, my life sucks and only I can improve it.
Ik it is a very difficult thing to do as here I have 99% of my social life, maybe I comeback just to tell there is life out of here, thank you all of smogon for been incredibly companion in my fight against apathy and for been my place of safety during those 10 years.
I am super scared what this decision will be for my mental health but i dont wanna cope here anymore.
I talked to some of my friends about this already so I don't particularly have a reason to be posting here, but everything just feels so surreal that I had to let it out into the void
If I can get better from the absolute rock bottom to now the peak of cloud 9, you can too. With time, effort, and most importantly fortitude, things will get better. I hope whoever reads this or finds themself venting in here reaches the peace they are looking for <3. If you ever need help, reach out. You aren't alone even if it feels like it.
So, at some point during my time on Smogon, I posted here about how I've been unable to eat because there was something wrong with my esophagus or whatever and how I was on a liquid diet, that started in 2020. I don't remember when I made the post, probably 2021, but yeah. I've posted here and there in this thread (I think 2 more times after that, though most of it is deleted) and it may not seem like a huge deal immediately, but fuck me not eating for almost FOUR years and being on a liquid diet really takes its toll on you. I lost my social life, I couldn't go on dinner dates, get lunch with my family or friends, snack on things if I'm watching a movie, etc. The more as time went on the more I realized how many things are just planned around food and it made going out with again friends and family so incredibly difficult that my once vibrant social life just ended up collapsing and I became a recluse. It may not seem so crazy to begin with, but imagine going a week without eating anything, just drinking everything. I did that for 4 years. I ended up spending a lot of my time on the internet and on Smogon because this started all happening during quarantine (including me joining Smogon) so I didn't have much of a reason to do anything else, school has been online for me the past few years anyway (going in person next year, yay!) and etc.
Coupled with that, having to deal with being trans and navigate that while also having to perform well in school just made for a horrible concoction. I didn't realize it until recently tbh but I became passively suicidal for a very long time. In 2023 I had a lot of string of events happen 1 after another that I won't get into, but it lead me down an incredibly dark path, and around November-December (I think, I tend to block this from my memory xd) I ended up attempting to overdose, obviously it did not work lmao because I'm an idiot but yeah. I essentially did not want to live at all because the way I was, wasn't a way of living. I felt like a shell of my former self and it was so miserable and painful everyday to be reminded that I was not a normal person. Partying with friends and going out and not being able to really do anything besides sit and watch people enjoy food and etc. is the most soul crushing thing I think I've ever gone through. I'm 22 and nothing to show for it really besides a few useless degrees and certificates I've gotten from all the time I was able to allocate into school. I haven't gone to a party in almost 2 years now, haven't had the college experience I wanted (fingers crossed for my final 2 years though lol). Maybe it sounds dumb but my life was basically put on an indefinite hold when this happened. I had dreamed of going to college and finally becoming myself with no restrictions, then this came at me fast and knocked me on my ass, and I felt shackled at home and permanently visiting the ER at all angles of my life. Not to mention only having liquids makes for a very boring diet and I felt like I was in permanent limbo, doctors unable to do anything, not finding a diagnosis and etc. just a miserable fucking existence, and this has reflected in my behavior IRL and online for sure.
Once it became 2024, it was just another year to me. Didn't have any goals or anything besides to get estrogen (which I have, yay!) but there's other barriers with that via family and etc. but not the main point.
The reason I'm posting about this is because today I finally pushed past the bullshit and had a real meal lol. I cried during it, the entire time the only thing I could think of was "I'm free". I'm finally fucking free of that stupid curse. My doctors haven't found a diagnosis as to why I had some chronic esophagus issue and I'm not necessarily cured. It will be a long journey still, and maybe I'll regress at some point, but progress isn't linear. I've had a lovely Speech-Language Pathologist help me work through eating different kinds of consistencies and fuck does it feel good. But even before this, I had been undergoing a lot of growth mentally and just trying to navigate depression and how to work against it. My depression was really bad (obviously if I tried to OD LMAO), going to the store to get groceries, even just getting out of bed felt like a chore, but I just had to push myself. Even with this going on I just had to push myself to do it. It got to a point recently that I got excited from having the challenge and I welcomed obstacles with an open mind and with open arms. I felt (and still feel) that if I could get past this, I could do anything, literally anything I set my mind to. I got so depressed to a point where I think my brain just put me in survival mode and I stopped caring of the outcome, I just had to do it. It's been a long fucking 4 years. But I did it.
Reason I was sharing this is that back when this was still called the depression thread, almost every post was negative (to my recollection). I haven't really checked this thread since besides making a random schizopost when I was going to OD. I've only spread negativity here, and I want to change that cycle for myself (and also because I posted about this issue before so I want to just put this behind me and yell into a void because it feels nice lolol). People go through some tough shit. Trust me, I know how it feels. I always see people talking about how it "gets better" and I always just immediately thought that stuff was stupidly optimistic and I hated it. I never thought that it would be me, you know? My own depression trapped me in thinking I'd be this miserable recluse forever with no way to fix it. But here's the thing-- misery loves company. I surrounded myself with a new group of friends, reconnected with old ones, and made a bunch of new ones (online, i live hours away from my irl ones for now rip). I surrounded myself with positivity and people who weren't as miserable as me and that energy bounced off of them onto me and I think 100% set me on the path I needed to be to accomplish what I did today. The anxiety and depression just eventually wore off when I realized that I really do want to live, I have my own dreams and I want to see them come to fruition. Life hit me fast, and it hit me so fucking hard, and in 2023 it really kept hitting me, but I kept getting up. I'm sure there's plenty of people in here who have been hit harder than I have, but just know it's not the end of things.
I'm not going to tag people because that would be super cringe but to gum, sensei axew, driplegend, ms jisoo, crow crumbs, shieldpoke, scarfire, seasons, adjustments, mushamu, km, avarice, pdt, mncmt, cell and the rest of my friends in duckies, if you guys ever seen this, you guys quite literally saved my life by just being the amazing people you are and I cherish all of you. I'm sure there's more people I should mention but I talk to these people the most / they have had significant impact on me even if we don't talk that often.
Coupled with that, having to deal with being trans and navigate that while also having to perform well in school just made for a horrible concoction. I didn't realize it until recently tbh but I became passively suicidal for a very long time. In 2023 I had a lot of string of events happen 1 after another that I won't get into, but it lead me down an incredibly dark path, and around November-December (I think, I tend to block this from my memory xd) I ended up attempting to overdose, obviously it did not work lmao because I'm an idiot but yeah. I essentially did not want to live at all because the way I was, wasn't a way of living. I felt like a shell of my former self and it was so miserable and painful everyday to be reminded that I was not a normal person. Partying with friends and going out and not being able to really do anything besides sit and watch people enjoy food and etc. is the most soul crushing thing I think I've ever gone through. I'm 22 and nothing to show for it really besides a few useless degrees and certificates I've gotten from all the time I was able to allocate into school. I haven't gone to a party in almost 2 years now, haven't had the college experience I wanted (fingers crossed for my final 2 years though lol). Maybe it sounds dumb but my life was basically put on an indefinite hold when this happened. I had dreamed of going to college and finally becoming myself with no restrictions, then this came at me fast and knocked me on my ass, and I felt shackled at home and permanently visiting the ER at all angles of my life. Not to mention only having liquids makes for a very boring diet and I felt like I was in permanent limbo, doctors unable to do anything, not finding a diagnosis and etc. just a miserable fucking existence, and this has reflected in my behavior IRL and online for sure.
Once it became 2024, it was just another year to me. Didn't have any goals or anything besides to get estrogen (which I have, yay!) but there's other barriers with that via family and etc. but not the main point.
The reason I'm posting about this is because today I finally pushed past the bullshit and had a real meal lol. I cried during it, the entire time the only thing I could think of was "I'm free". I'm finally fucking free of that stupid curse. My doctors haven't found a diagnosis as to why I had some chronic esophagus issue and I'm not necessarily cured. It will be a long journey still, and maybe I'll regress at some point, but progress isn't linear. I've had a lovely Speech-Language Pathologist help me work through eating different kinds of consistencies and fuck does it feel good. But even before this, I had been undergoing a lot of growth mentally and just trying to navigate depression and how to work against it. My depression was really bad (obviously if I tried to OD LMAO), going to the store to get groceries, even just getting out of bed felt like a chore, but I just had to push myself. Even with this going on I just had to push myself to do it. It got to a point recently that I got excited from having the challenge and I welcomed obstacles with an open mind and with open arms. I felt (and still feel) that if I could get past this, I could do anything, literally anything I set my mind to. I got so depressed to a point where I think my brain just put me in survival mode and I stopped caring of the outcome, I just had to do it. It's been a long fucking 4 years. But I did it.
Reason I was sharing this is that back when this was still called the depression thread, almost every post was negative (to my recollection). I haven't really checked this thread since besides making a random schizopost when I was going to OD. I've only spread negativity here, and I want to change that cycle for myself (and also because I posted about this issue before so I want to just put this behind me and yell into a void because it feels nice lolol). People go through some tough shit. Trust me, I know how it feels. I always see people talking about how it "gets better" and I always just immediately thought that stuff was stupidly optimistic and I hated it. I never thought that it would be me, you know? My own depression trapped me in thinking I'd be this miserable recluse forever with no way to fix it. But here's the thing-- misery loves company. I surrounded myself with a new group of friends, reconnected with old ones, and made a bunch of new ones (online, i live hours away from my irl ones for now rip). I surrounded myself with positivity and people who weren't as miserable as me and that energy bounced off of them onto me and I think 100% set me on the path I needed to be to accomplish what I did today. The anxiety and depression just eventually wore off when I realized that I really do want to live, I have my own dreams and I want to see them come to fruition. Life hit me fast, and it hit me so fucking hard, and in 2023 it really kept hitting me, but I kept getting up. I'm sure there's plenty of people in here who have been hit harder than I have, but just know it's not the end of things.
I'm not going to tag people because that would be super cringe but to gum, sensei axew, driplegend, ms jisoo, crow crumbs, shieldpoke, scarfire, seasons, adjustments, mushamu, km, avarice, pdt, mncmt, cell and the rest of my friends in duckies, if you guys ever seen this, you guys quite literally saved my life by just being the amazing people you are and I cherish all of you. I'm sure there's more people I should mention but I talk to these people the most / they have had significant impact on me even if we don't talk that often.
If I can get better from the absolute rock bottom to now the peak of cloud 9, you can too. With time, effort, and most importantly fortitude, things will get better. I hope whoever reads this or finds themself venting in here reaches the peace they are looking for <3. If you ever need help, reach out. You aren't alone even if it feels like it.
Got home from work and I was just finishing watching a youtube recap of the Sunday full of football games (this was around midnight) sitting in my car at the end of my driveway and I hear a bang and feel my whole car shake - at first I'm like "Did some drunk driver just fall asleep and hit my car?" and I look back and see nothing --- thinking it's a hit & run I back out and rush to try and catch a license plate pulling out the driveway, get out and see this..... CLEARLY WASHED DUDE stumbling through the streets, wobbling to both sides and holding his stomach. Clearly either high or drunk off his ass.
He turns around and looks at me in my car like I'm the issue like you didn't just fall out on my car.
He was leaning on my hood, punched my back driver side window then came to my driver side window and I flashed my blade I carry with me for work and he stumbled back.
This has made me very annoyed since I purposely tried to calm my.. "Edge" down since I found a way through my pain, depression and anger from the prior years of life but I found myself realizing "I really don't wanna be in these situations cus I'm an emotional and tunnel vision type person (Taurus to a T lol), I wish the world would leave me out of "The random chaos variable" conversation."
Least I got his face locked down in my memory now so if I see him again or neighbors with their cams see him lumbering around my car and cops pop around I can point him out or at very least describe him.
Really damn annoying cus today was a really nice day before that.
He turns around and looks at me in my car like I'm the issue like you didn't just fall out on my car.
He was leaning on my hood, punched my back driver side window then came to my driver side window and I flashed my blade I carry with me for work and he stumbled back.
This has made me very annoyed since I purposely tried to calm my.. "Edge" down since I found a way through my pain, depression and anger from the prior years of life but I found myself realizing "I really don't wanna be in these situations cus I'm an emotional and tunnel vision type person (Taurus to a T lol), I wish the world would leave me out of "The random chaos variable" conversation."
Least I got his face locked down in my memory now so if I see him again or neighbors with their cams see him lumbering around my car and cops pop around I can point him out or at very least describe him.
Really damn annoying cus today was a really nice day before that.
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i was probably soft-depressed for a year after graduating college, being out of a consistent job + living with parents, but now that I'm working a full-time job in a new place (different country!) i've been feeling so much more social and overall better! it's so nice to go from avoiding social situations (out of apathy, mostly) to now be seeking them out again 
for me, I think its rlly important to push urself to experience new things and advance ur life. coasting along is comfortable but miserable
for me, I think its rlly important to push urself to experience new things and advance ur life. coasting along is comfortable but miserable
i dont know what it is lately, but i just feel like shit, physically and mentally. i dont want to get up or eat. i dont want to go anywhere. probably because im taking advanced classes and starting to enter my romantic stages of life, but i feel like there's giant burden on my shoulders, but i dont know what it is.
i really need to get stuff off my plate. but for now, i'll just have to push through.
i really need to get stuff off my plate. but for now, i'll just have to push through.
Random question for other people who deal with/dealt with depression and ya finally feel "Safe/comfortable" in your progress. Yall ever have moments you just get emotional JUST BECAUSE YOURE NOT unhappy anymore?
Like i ofc still have moments life is like "Get a emotional moment out; dont ask why, your brain chemicals told you too" but in more recent times (as I spoke to) have been feeling a bit better but I still have moments where it almost feels like "Damn I don't even know how to process not having a cross to bare/hurt in my heart that is stifling my day to day"
I'm obviously *NOT* complaining but it is weird being like "Why tf do I wanna cry rn? There's no reason." and immediatedly realizing "Cus life makes more sense now, you made it through - for now, now it's on you to uphold that."
Like i ofc still have moments life is like "Get a emotional moment out; dont ask why, your brain chemicals told you too" but in more recent times (as I spoke to) have been feeling a bit better but I still have moments where it almost feels like "Damn I don't even know how to process not having a cross to bare/hurt in my heart that is stifling my day to day"
I'm obviously *NOT* complaining but it is weird being like "Why tf do I wanna cry rn? There's no reason." and immediatedly realizing "Cus life makes more sense now, you made it through - for now, now it's on you to uphold that."
I got checked today by an ex (one i spent over 10 years with) that will forever be that... "The souls will always find they way back" and she hit me today with the "You always had such beautiful eyes but there's so much pain hidden in them."
and I won't lie being read like that made me choke up a bit and she asked me what's wrong and I was just like "Nothing, you're right. There's a lot more than anyone knows... even you who knows more than anyone."
I just ain't tryna talk about the shit my heart moved off on but my soul still side eyes the world over cus I work on that, i dont wanna lean that on anyone else but me so I can finally be totally good, and i'm finally almost there.. That's a "I don't share that with anyone unless you on Mom-esque trust tier." aka unrivaled/unquestioned trust.
and I won't lie being read like that made me choke up a bit and she asked me what's wrong and I was just like "Nothing, you're right. There's a lot more than anyone knows... even you who knows more than anyone."
I just ain't tryna talk about the shit my heart moved off on but my soul still side eyes the world over cus I work on that, i dont wanna lean that on anyone else but me so I can finally be totally good, and i'm finally almost there.. That's a "I don't share that with anyone unless you on Mom-esque trust tier." aka unrivaled/unquestioned trust.
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Hoes are hoes. Based on personal experience, she's lonely, and looking to smash. You got to ask yourself, "why are there no other men in her life right now?" There's probably a good reason.
Move on. You'll be better in the long run.
"But...b-but..."
No. Move on. It will do you better.
While I'll say I appreciate the "intention" here your read is off and in turn I feel kinda disrespected from both her angle (and we just civil atm, with no like "Lets do it") and my own like it's assumed i'll just accept anything. We just supporting one another spiritually as we figure it all out.
Her mom passed away and she's busy taking care of her youngest sister (guardian now) and I'm busy working and paying family bills. What becomes isn't a "Lonely" thing it's a reality.
So "But..b-but" ya got this one wrong, maybe next time don't try and make a statement outta someone you don't know.
I don't know what prompted me to log into my forums account for the first time in months, but I wanted to share that the other day my (now ex) girlfriend and I broke up, and I'm honestly feeling better from moving on than I expected myself to be.
My emotions come and go like they always do so I might feel like shit and cry tomorrow but I think I’m going in the right direction for healing. I don’t harbor any animosity or bad feelings towards her and while I acknowledge that she could’ve and should’ve done better, I still think very highly of her as a friend and individual person. I understand why most people don’t have friendly relationships with ex partners but I don’t anticipate it being the case with her. I think at the end of the day, we just weren’t compatible and I made plenty of mistakes as well. I respect her as a person but she wasn’t what I needed right now and likewise I wasn’t what she needed.
The other thing I wanted to say was that in the past few days, I’ve done some journaling and reflecting on my own personal struggles and I’ve come to realize that my ex had an avoidant attachment style and I’m an anxious attachment style and that, as cliche as it is, I need to put in work to make myself feel more secure. I have to learn to be comfortable with being by myself so I can feel like a whole person instead of feeling the need for a relationship to “complete me”. I do miss what our relationship meant to us both at one point in time but I do feel a lot more personal peace from letting go.
My emotions come and go like they always do so I might feel like shit and cry tomorrow but I think I’m going in the right direction for healing. I don’t harbor any animosity or bad feelings towards her and while I acknowledge that she could’ve and should’ve done better, I still think very highly of her as a friend and individual person. I understand why most people don’t have friendly relationships with ex partners but I don’t anticipate it being the case with her. I think at the end of the day, we just weren’t compatible and I made plenty of mistakes as well. I respect her as a person but she wasn’t what I needed right now and likewise I wasn’t what she needed.
The other thing I wanted to say was that in the past few days, I’ve done some journaling and reflecting on my own personal struggles and I’ve come to realize that my ex had an avoidant attachment style and I’m an anxious attachment style and that, as cliche as it is, I need to put in work to make myself feel more secure. I have to learn to be comfortable with being by myself so I can feel like a whole person instead of feeling the need for a relationship to “complete me”. I do miss what our relationship meant to us both at one point in time but I do feel a lot more personal peace from letting go.
Well it didnt last.
Ik i feel a bit embarrassed that it didnt workout as planned at the time of this post, made me wanna delete it, after a internal monologue and for considering it helpful for some people i decided to make this update post and the question is what attract us here? Why we need this website and this game to have some sort of emotional understanding are we just some societal missfits that uses this as a place to feel as part of "something".
This made me realize i just dislikes almost everyone in my inner circle irl and that those people " pokemon players" are way better friends and gives me way more of an emotional support than the people I have to deal with daily, is that correct? Am I living in the wrong place? Does my life has any meaning that isnot just duty? Is money that important? Are sexual relationships meaningless? Am I respected or just tolerated? All this things vanishes when we are socializing on discord or just casually playing this, are people supposed to be like that? Is this real?
Was painful to realize that, what would I even do without those people here in this website? Are we actually friends, Can I actually trust them with important parts of my life and be completely open? I have such a difficult been myself in my work and even in this website that i dont even know who I am honestly.
I dont wanna caracterize myself as deeply depressed cause i dont really have the medical knowledge or capacity but I've reached a level of apathy and lack of empathy that I dont even felt was possible, I just wanna go into the deepest countryside possible and do nothing.
I do not know the credentials of the people that view this forum but I think you need therapy. It is always okay to vent but I do not think most people here are fit enough to answer your questions. I have few online friends but I think they are just as good as real life friends. It is nothing to be embarrassed about.
mandando cariño
The implicit question of how to have good mental health while accepting reality for what it is is a good one, one I'm still fighting with. I'll post some of my developing answers. Maybe you'll find them useful, maybe you won't.
1) I believe that life is usually worth living, and that most lives have much good in them, even if they also have much suffering. In devoting ourselves to understanding reality, we should devote ourselves to understanding the evil and the good, and both parts can be legitimately difficult to cogitate over and accept. Reconciling these is hard–part of what this process entails is having some good mental days and some bad mental days, I think. But a valuable lighthouse to me is that I'd rather have a world with human life than one without that, because so much goodness does spring from humanity, and from so many having the chance to live.
2) I'm not going to stop the presence of (all) evil in the world. Logistically, it's not in my power anyway, and that can be valuable in it's own right to learn, but it's not my main point. Even if I could consign myself to the hypothetical infinite torture matrix in exchange for destroying evil, I wouldn't do it. It's not fair or right to expect someone to abnegate to such an extreme extent, to destroy themselves, for anything. I have a nasty streak of self-abnegation, and it made me realize I didn't value my life and myself enough. (My refusal to demand self-destruction goes both ways – if someone is suffering so horribly enough, and they had the choice to end the world and free themselves from pain or do nothing, I (hopefully) wouldn't judge them for picking the first option. As I am not suffering to that extent, it is important for myself to acknowledge what's fair for people in position, too.)
3) Regardless of what the correct way to understand and process the world is, I acknowledge there is hope inside me that is just part of who I am. Even when the world gave me the most suffering, that remained true, and that hope was a huge part of what saved me. Even in a world where atrocities do take place, I'm going to smile sometimes–again, not always–and I am slowly learning to accept that.
The reason why a lot of people "need" online communities in order to have some sort of emotional understanding of themselves is because connection and attachment are vital to humans. People cannot survive without some sort of attachment to someone or something- hence why online communities can be addictive. Addictions form from the basis of coping mechanisms that have become maladaptive. Since we humans need connection and attachment to survive, a lot of people place the attachment onto online communities where it is possible to meet many people within minutes. Think about how easy it is to join a Smogon Discord server and instantly start chatting about the recent tier shifts, or how easy it is to check on your groups of Smogon friends and join in on posting memes with them. On one hand, you have connection and attachment being a need for humans to survive, and on the other hand you have platforms who give those exact two things extremely easily. This is the equation of why a lot of people tend to use online communities to fill these needs, but over time they can become maladaptive.
Social skills are indeed a skill. Much like any other skill they need to be trained and practiced. If you go on a date and say the wrong thing to them, then they can easily just cut you off. Someone approaches you in real life and says that he likes your shirt, but you have no idea what to say back to him. Thanks? No, that's too bland. I like your shirt too! Nah, I don't actually like his shirt- I think it's actually quite ugly. I got it from Target! Nah, there's no way he actually wants to know where I got it from, he's probably just saying it to be nice or something. There are tons of ways to socialize with people in real life, but in general it is a lot more complicated compared to online where you don't even need to respond to something if you don't feel like it- you can just close Discord or Smogon and respond another time. Having social skills in real life is extremely hard and anyone who tells you otherwise has had years and decades of experience with it. Subsequently, people who only rely on online communities to fulfill the need of connection and attachment will have their social skills atrophy in real life just like how you would lose your gains if you stopped going to the gym and started eating McDonalds every day. This is what I mean by social skills being an actual skill that people should not take for granted. It takes practice to become good at interacting with people and being a good conversationalist in real life.
To answer your question, I personally do not think that people who are attracted to online communities are social misfits just because they use platforms like Smogon and Discord to feel a sense of belonging. The truth is you are only really a social misfit if you label yourself as one and act accordingly by isolating yourself in the real world. In real life, everyone has their individual quirks just like how your friends on Smogon and Discord are different too. Everyone is unique, or in other words, fucking weird- and that's OK. Part of why interacting with people in real life is also learning that we are all, well, fucking weird, and taking pride in that. No one is normal. Everyone has done something stupid and has problems. Everyone has likes, dislikes, and preferences. Developing social skills in real life takes time and practice and finding your circle can be harder compared to online communities where theres a lot less pressure. However, the basis for good social skills is to be comfortable inside your own skin. You need to develop a strong sense of self and take pride in just being you to interact with people in real life. And as long as you're a good guy, the people who matter aren't going to rag on you for no reason.
At the end of the day online friends are a good form to fulfill the connection and attachment need somewhat, but it's hard for them to fulfill that need completely because they just aren't physically with you in real life. Online friends can be great and trustworthy, but you need to find places that you belong in real life as well.
If I were you, I would start by being there for yourself and loving yourself. Try to be kind to yourself and take pride in who you are. You'll eventually find people you mingle with in real life just like you do in Smogon even if they aren't the people you hang around right now.
Because:
This in particular, not knowing who you are, highlights the exact root of the problem of these questions:
None of the answers to the questions matter because they're not things you can control. The only things you can control in this world are to try as hard as you can and to control the things that you can control like your mental and physical health as well as supporting your loved ones. You can't control whether or not your friends secretly hate you even though you desperately want to. You can't control whether or not life has any meaning besides duty, you can't control whether or not this is even real. But this is the thing, you don't need to know the answer to these questions to start building a fulfilling life- one in which you put meaning into. And the ironic thing is that life just does not have any overarching meaning because we are just human and that's all we ever will be, and in order to have meaning in our lives, we have to use our values to guide us to create them.
I find that we don't figure out who we are by doing things and entering situations that we might fit into, we figure out who we are by trying again and again to get the things we personally want and to take pride in learning even when things don't work out. Let your values guide you and ask the warm thing inside your chest what it wants. That is your humanity. We do not need to be doing something to have an identity, we are human beings and have an identity by just existing. To put it into perspective, the scientific answer as to why literally any of us exist is just sex.
What you are going through sounds like depression. There are diagnoses of depression in the DSM-5 you can look up, but apathy and lack of empathy are two common side effects of the condition. I would take some time off and look into why you are depressed because depression is usually a result of people not being their true selves. Finding a place of belonging in real life just as you have done on Smogon may be harder, but it is far from impossible and starts with you reclaiming your identity as a person who exists and has every right to do so. Keep in mind you don't have to cut off your Smogon friends in order to find fulfillment in real life, you can maintain a good balance and be happy with both online and real life friends. However staying off Smogon for a while to rebuild your life may be the right thing to do if it is sapping too much time and energy that could be used for other, more urgent things at the moment. Smogon and its people will always be there for you when you are better.
The path to recovery and building a better life is not easy at all and can be one of the hardest things you will do in your life. Sometimes you will have great days, sometimes you will have not-so-good days. Remember that even on days where you feel down and hopeless, it will pass. In the end, even if today wasn't the greatest, start striving for a better tomorrow by doing what you can.
You're a blessed soul, nothing in life can hurt you more than your own thoughts.
And ofcourse you're real friends can be found online, speaking for myself ive literally traveled across the world with people i've met on the internet.
Hope you reach out if you need to,
Bless
Hi. I'd like to put some baggage down, but also to give some advice for people who've had something like what I've gone through happen, and to not repeat my mistakes(probably not the best advice or the most unique, but it's something at least). It's probably incoherent, but maybe that's how venting works. Also, this will discuss suicide, and a whole lot of grief.
It's been about a year since my friend committed suicide. Now, I've known this person since 7th grade when I moved to where I live now. And not only was this in the beginning of high school, it was only about 2 months in freshman year. I remember having a lot of guilt. Guilt of seeing the signs, yet not doing enough to save her, or not being the best friend to her(I'm not exactly a saint), or just letting things get as bad as it did. It was a lot, especially when I wasn't even 15. Plus, I sort of did have feelings for her(she liked my friend, so I never decided to tell her, though she at least knew about my feelings for her, and just never reciprocated. Only learned that part a couple of weeks ago). Months went by, and you could say I had gone obsessed in a way. It was really bad, especially with my only ok grades, and being in my brother's shadow didn't help. I had lost control in 9th grade, especially since I had classes with her. One was math(sat right next to her), and my language class(there used to 3 students, but it became 2 students including me). By the end of the year, I was mentally exhausted, and just not in the right headspace(just a reminder, drinking alcohol is really bad. Trust me, it's not your friend). I saw many people just not care, or make jokes over it, and I sorta...gave up I guess. To be fair, there were like 4-5 deaths that year overall, so maybe people were too busy thinking about other stuff. It was hard, seeing everyone move on so easily, so I figured there was just something wrong with me. So I kept my goofy silly facade up, not only for them, but for myself in a way, so I wouldn't go completely coo coo for cocoa puffs.
During summer break, my dad got me into working out, like going to the gym and stuff. He even got coaches for me to work along with. At first, I was relatively reluctant. But overtime, I started to be a lot more excited to go to the gym, even if I wasn't the strongest or getting ripped, I was at least happier than before(when you hit rock bottom, you can only really go up). I started to get into my hobbies, like my violin, and video games(I think that's why I've loved this community, it made me feel at home almost). Travelling with family to Japan was really nice as well. I managed to take a lot of pictures on that trip(it helps with stress), and having really good food(crab will always be the GOAT).
Then, around July, my grandmother, who already had dementia, died from something in her lungs. I figured that I would be apathetic, but turns out, it really did some stuff. But after the funeral and all that, I conquered that grief, and I felt...relieved? It's an odd feeling, but I wasn't depressed, so that was neat.
Now that school has started, sophomore year has been a lot better. My classes are fun, and I enjoy being with my classmates. Rugby has been really nice to practice for, and I've genuinely smiled after practice with satisfaction. Now that a year has passed, I'm not crying or grieving like I was. But now, I'm someone who's silly and unhinged yeah, but also kind, and hopeful.
I'm noticing how long this message is so I'm gonna try to keep my advice short and concise. If anyone has gone or is going through what I have, DON'T LOSE HOPE. There will be a way out I promise you. I don't want anyone to feel like they need a bottle, or something else to keep them distracted. Maintain the mindset that there's always another shot, and hang onto hope, you'll really need it sometimes when times are rough. When you have time, EXPLORE YOURSELF. Find or refine hobbies, go to the gym, just find something that'll keep you motivated to do something. Even if there's little results, even if it fails, you still did something that you felt was important enough to do, and that might be good enough. Another thing, BE WITH FRIENDS. I can not emphasize enough how important that is. Being with people and just having a laugh or two may be all you or someone else needed. As long as you're honest with them, and have a safe space, there will be results I can't quantify, but it will be apparent. TAKE THINGS AT YOUR OWN PACE. At least for me, I never really got the chance to really rest and fully move on, since school really decided to move at a breakneck pace, it was hard for me to truly get over everything while there were tests and homework to study and work for. For this though, I advise that people find their own ways of coping, and to see what fits for their needs. DON'T FEEL THE NEED TO BLAME YOURSELF. I swear, I should've learned this way before than I did. It's ok to feel guilty or regret, but it's not ok when you start to have that guilt be your only guide in life. Take the time to reflect on yourself. Even if you could've done something more, you don't have to feel like it's your fault. At the end of the day, you weren't the one that made them do what they did, and they would not want you to feel that way at all.
As of now, I've been contemplating doing something in the psych field. Be it psychologist, psychiatrist, psycho whatever. I made a promise with myself that I'd get all the requirements I needed, and that I'd help at least one person, to empower them, to give hope, so I can look to before, and feel that I made my friend proud, and I'm not giving up now.
If anyone has finished reading through this whole tangent, I'd like to thank you for even paying attention, and especially for finishing. I'll keep on doing my best to make people feel better, and to give a reason to have hope.
I miss you Emily. I hope you're in a better place now.
It's been about a year since my friend committed suicide. Now, I've known this person since 7th grade when I moved to where I live now. And not only was this in the beginning of high school, it was only about 2 months in freshman year. I remember having a lot of guilt. Guilt of seeing the signs, yet not doing enough to save her, or not being the best friend to her(I'm not exactly a saint), or just letting things get as bad as it did. It was a lot, especially when I wasn't even 15. Plus, I sort of did have feelings for her(she liked my friend, so I never decided to tell her, though she at least knew about my feelings for her, and just never reciprocated. Only learned that part a couple of weeks ago). Months went by, and you could say I had gone obsessed in a way. It was really bad, especially with my only ok grades, and being in my brother's shadow didn't help. I had lost control in 9th grade, especially since I had classes with her. One was math(sat right next to her), and my language class(there used to 3 students, but it became 2 students including me). By the end of the year, I was mentally exhausted, and just not in the right headspace(just a reminder, drinking alcohol is really bad. Trust me, it's not your friend). I saw many people just not care, or make jokes over it, and I sorta...gave up I guess. To be fair, there were like 4-5 deaths that year overall, so maybe people were too busy thinking about other stuff. It was hard, seeing everyone move on so easily, so I figured there was just something wrong with me. So I kept my goofy silly facade up, not only for them, but for myself in a way, so I wouldn't go completely coo coo for cocoa puffs.
During summer break, my dad got me into working out, like going to the gym and stuff. He even got coaches for me to work along with. At first, I was relatively reluctant. But overtime, I started to be a lot more excited to go to the gym, even if I wasn't the strongest or getting ripped, I was at least happier than before(when you hit rock bottom, you can only really go up). I started to get into my hobbies, like my violin, and video games(I think that's why I've loved this community, it made me feel at home almost). Travelling with family to Japan was really nice as well. I managed to take a lot of pictures on that trip(it helps with stress), and having really good food(crab will always be the GOAT).
Then, around July, my grandmother, who already had dementia, died from something in her lungs. I figured that I would be apathetic, but turns out, it really did some stuff. But after the funeral and all that, I conquered that grief, and I felt...relieved? It's an odd feeling, but I wasn't depressed, so that was neat.
Now that school has started, sophomore year has been a lot better. My classes are fun, and I enjoy being with my classmates. Rugby has been really nice to practice for, and I've genuinely smiled after practice with satisfaction. Now that a year has passed, I'm not crying or grieving like I was. But now, I'm someone who's silly and unhinged yeah, but also kind, and hopeful.
I'm noticing how long this message is so I'm gonna try to keep my advice short and concise. If anyone has gone or is going through what I have, DON'T LOSE HOPE. There will be a way out I promise you. I don't want anyone to feel like they need a bottle, or something else to keep them distracted. Maintain the mindset that there's always another shot, and hang onto hope, you'll really need it sometimes when times are rough. When you have time, EXPLORE YOURSELF. Find or refine hobbies, go to the gym, just find something that'll keep you motivated to do something. Even if there's little results, even if it fails, you still did something that you felt was important enough to do, and that might be good enough. Another thing, BE WITH FRIENDS. I can not emphasize enough how important that is. Being with people and just having a laugh or two may be all you or someone else needed. As long as you're honest with them, and have a safe space, there will be results I can't quantify, but it will be apparent. TAKE THINGS AT YOUR OWN PACE. At least for me, I never really got the chance to really rest and fully move on, since school really decided to move at a breakneck pace, it was hard for me to truly get over everything while there were tests and homework to study and work for. For this though, I advise that people find their own ways of coping, and to see what fits for their needs. DON'T FEEL THE NEED TO BLAME YOURSELF. I swear, I should've learned this way before than I did. It's ok to feel guilty or regret, but it's not ok when you start to have that guilt be your only guide in life. Take the time to reflect on yourself. Even if you could've done something more, you don't have to feel like it's your fault. At the end of the day, you weren't the one that made them do what they did, and they would not want you to feel that way at all.
As of now, I've been contemplating doing something in the psych field. Be it psychologist, psychiatrist, psycho whatever. I made a promise with myself that I'd get all the requirements I needed, and that I'd help at least one person, to empower them, to give hope, so I can look to before, and feel that I made my friend proud, and I'm not giving up now.
If anyone has finished reading through this whole tangent, I'd like to thank you for even paying attention, and especially for finishing. I'll keep on doing my best to make people feel better, and to give a reason to have hope.
I miss you Emily. I hope you're in a better place now.
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In recent times I've become naturally zen like "nope not disrupting me, i know that other option".
but i will say i noticed the only thing that makes me angry/harp on too long/annoyed it happened/etc is when people undercut/back alley/or just do some shady disrespectful stuff.
i live off treat people how you wanna be treated, feeling disrespected is an immediate "You're dead to me," moment and that's the one time in recent times I have to kick back the demons of when I was still letting everything hold me.
but i will say i noticed the only thing that makes me angry/harp on too long/annoyed it happened/etc is when people undercut/back alley/or just do some shady disrespectful stuff.
i live off treat people how you wanna be treated, feeling disrespected is an immediate "You're dead to me," moment and that's the one time in recent times I have to kick back the demons of when I was still letting everything hold me.
TW discussion of eating disorders
A while back, I talked about how I'd been battling a restrictive eating disorder - that was anorexia. I won't get into the exact numbers but I was definitely Not Healthy. I have been in intensive therapy for a while now and been getting support from my friends here, which I genuinely could not be grateful for. Today, I was rediagnosed(?) with bulimia.
On some fundamental level, this isn't a surprise to me. I know that the things I have been doing to myself are not healthy, I'm not stupid. But I somehow convinced myself that it was Good and Okay because I was eating again, even if it was in cycles of binging and purging and I was afraid to let other people see me eat because of the shame I felt about eating and I was still obsessively weighing myself. Getting an official diagnosis kind of shattered that illusion I'd built for myself and made me face reality. I'm not better. I'm not okay. I have a long way to go until I'll be okay again.
In some ways, this is more manageable. This is easier to plan for. I understand that this is a sort of manifestation of a desire for control because my life is a constant spiral and I'm just along for the ride. I understand the steps that are most likely to help me fix this. Doing them is the hard part.
I'll be okay, one day. I do believe that with all my heart. I have to, or else this is all pointless.
A while back, I talked about how I'd been battling a restrictive eating disorder - that was anorexia. I won't get into the exact numbers but I was definitely Not Healthy. I have been in intensive therapy for a while now and been getting support from my friends here, which I genuinely could not be grateful for. Today, I was rediagnosed(?) with bulimia.
On some fundamental level, this isn't a surprise to me. I know that the things I have been doing to myself are not healthy, I'm not stupid. But I somehow convinced myself that it was Good and Okay because I was eating again, even if it was in cycles of binging and purging and I was afraid to let other people see me eat because of the shame I felt about eating and I was still obsessively weighing myself. Getting an official diagnosis kind of shattered that illusion I'd built for myself and made me face reality. I'm not better. I'm not okay. I have a long way to go until I'll be okay again.
In some ways, this is more manageable. This is easier to plan for. I understand that this is a sort of manifestation of a desire for control because my life is a constant spiral and I'm just along for the ride. I understand the steps that are most likely to help me fix this. Doing them is the hard part.
I'll be okay, one day. I do believe that with all my heart. I have to, or else this is all pointless.
I haven't been watching this thread for that long but I think it's time for me to actually use it.
I am not happy with my life and I cannot remember the last time I actually was, maybe when I was like 12-14 years old. At least back then, I can remember that shit wasn't all too bad back then. I've been struggling since 15 with trying to find meaning in my life and depression, I don't like calling it the latter because it's not an official diagnosis by any medical professional but it's a good blanket term to use because I lacked happiness within myself. Back at 15 years old, I think I was suffering from extreme levels of boredom. My life felt incredibly mundane. Going to school, coming back home, playing League of Legends or Pokemon Showdown, sleeping, rinse and repeat. I was also having family issues and I've always had strict parents so even the stuff I wanted to do was stopped for me. I felt as if I had no freedom to actually do what I wanted to do and I was just stuck in a rut. Around the latter part of that year (2017), I started my Pokemon youtube channel which was one of the few things I enjoyed doing and even now, it's still one of the few things I enjoy doing.
Fast forward to 22 years old and what has changed? Well, I'm fitter, I've become much more sociable and I've gone through many life experiences good and bad in the last 7 years but at the same time, I'm an university failure, I'm stuck at a job that constantly makes me finish late hours into the night and from that, my free time being reduced leads to stuff in my life that I enjoy doing to be put on the backburner. I love making videos, I love going to the gym, these two will probably never change for me but what time do I have to do these consistently? Not a lot. I upload here and there but going to the gym is always being impeded by my job. Now you'll probably ask me "just find a new job" but it's easier said than done. I'm basically stuck in retail and if I actually wanted to get an industry job, I don't even have a degree. I have a minor qualification like a Diploma, basically a consolation prize for how shit I did but I'm not getting anything with this let's be honest. So until I'm able to get some extra qualifications on the side, I'm going to be stuck in retail, probably getting unreasonable hours and it's harder for me to actually do what needs to be done to progress in my life.
Even at this point, I'm not even too sure I want to head into the IT sector. I was doing a Computer Science course at uni which like I said, I failed. I had a passion for it and now after the 4 years I've endured at uni, that passion is nowhere present. What else do I have going for me? Nothing, to be honest. I really have nothing else that I want to do so even if I have to do these extra qualifications I mentioned above, it's not even like I want to do them, I just have to in order to keep my options open but I'm not going to be happy about it. Maybe I should just accept "well I'm stuck doing something I don't really want to do but if it gets me a good job that pays well, then at least I'm not broke anymore". Is this a good mindset? Who knows, idc if it is or not but it's what I've decided on. A passionless person doing the thing he no longer has any passion for, it's a funny thing. I would love if I could just make a career out of Youtube videos but it's not a likely endeavour and I've still stuck to the mindset that making videos has always been an enjoyable hobby and I'd rather not have to force myself to make them as my main means of survival you know?
At this point, I don't even know what else to say to be honest. I kinda just feel like I'm living my life like a NPC atm, just living through the moment, stuck in a continuous cycle which I'm not going to break out of anytime soon. I just want to stop feeling this way and be happy with my life but there is just a lot against me. Some people have told me that I shouldn't view myself as a failure but I'm genuinely am for failing university. I've also heard people tell me it's not the end all be all but the facts are simply the facts. I let down a lot of people and most importantly myself and that's just something I have to carry. I feel behind my peers, whether that's people already making 6 figures or a slightly older dude already on the international property ladder or just seeing people I went to school with graduating and they've set themselves up for the long term.
All I can say right now is that I'm doing what I can, maybe I can look back at this in 5 years and laugh at how I was feeling from a better position but the present now is a long and arduous journey, one that's going to be difficult, but at this point, what part of my life hasn't been difficult?
I am not happy with my life and I cannot remember the last time I actually was, maybe when I was like 12-14 years old. At least back then, I can remember that shit wasn't all too bad back then. I've been struggling since 15 with trying to find meaning in my life and depression, I don't like calling it the latter because it's not an official diagnosis by any medical professional but it's a good blanket term to use because I lacked happiness within myself. Back at 15 years old, I think I was suffering from extreme levels of boredom. My life felt incredibly mundane. Going to school, coming back home, playing League of Legends or Pokemon Showdown, sleeping, rinse and repeat. I was also having family issues and I've always had strict parents so even the stuff I wanted to do was stopped for me. I felt as if I had no freedom to actually do what I wanted to do and I was just stuck in a rut. Around the latter part of that year (2017), I started my Pokemon youtube channel which was one of the few things I enjoyed doing and even now, it's still one of the few things I enjoy doing.
Fast forward to 22 years old and what has changed? Well, I'm fitter, I've become much more sociable and I've gone through many life experiences good and bad in the last 7 years but at the same time, I'm an university failure, I'm stuck at a job that constantly makes me finish late hours into the night and from that, my free time being reduced leads to stuff in my life that I enjoy doing to be put on the backburner. I love making videos, I love going to the gym, these two will probably never change for me but what time do I have to do these consistently? Not a lot. I upload here and there but going to the gym is always being impeded by my job. Now you'll probably ask me "just find a new job" but it's easier said than done. I'm basically stuck in retail and if I actually wanted to get an industry job, I don't even have a degree. I have a minor qualification like a Diploma, basically a consolation prize for how shit I did but I'm not getting anything with this let's be honest. So until I'm able to get some extra qualifications on the side, I'm going to be stuck in retail, probably getting unreasonable hours and it's harder for me to actually do what needs to be done to progress in my life.
Even at this point, I'm not even too sure I want to head into the IT sector. I was doing a Computer Science course at uni which like I said, I failed. I had a passion for it and now after the 4 years I've endured at uni, that passion is nowhere present. What else do I have going for me? Nothing, to be honest. I really have nothing else that I want to do so even if I have to do these extra qualifications I mentioned above, it's not even like I want to do them, I just have to in order to keep my options open but I'm not going to be happy about it. Maybe I should just accept "well I'm stuck doing something I don't really want to do but if it gets me a good job that pays well, then at least I'm not broke anymore". Is this a good mindset? Who knows, idc if it is or not but it's what I've decided on. A passionless person doing the thing he no longer has any passion for, it's a funny thing. I would love if I could just make a career out of Youtube videos but it's not a likely endeavour and I've still stuck to the mindset that making videos has always been an enjoyable hobby and I'd rather not have to force myself to make them as my main means of survival you know?
At this point, I don't even know what else to say to be honest. I kinda just feel like I'm living my life like a NPC atm, just living through the moment, stuck in a continuous cycle which I'm not going to break out of anytime soon. I just want to stop feeling this way and be happy with my life but there is just a lot against me. Some people have told me that I shouldn't view myself as a failure but I'm genuinely am for failing university. I've also heard people tell me it's not the end all be all but the facts are simply the facts. I let down a lot of people and most importantly myself and that's just something I have to carry. I feel behind my peers, whether that's people already making 6 figures or a slightly older dude already on the international property ladder or just seeing people I went to school with graduating and they've set themselves up for the long term.
All I can say right now is that I'm doing what I can, maybe I can look back at this in 5 years and laugh at how I was feeling from a better position but the present now is a long and arduous journey, one that's going to be difficult, but at this point, what part of my life hasn't been difficult?
Not sure how everyone else’s mental health is today, but 2024 really is the year that keeps giving, huh? My mental health has taken an absolute battering this year.
Today I looked at the news and just went back to sleep, my first thought was “nah, I’m done. Time to get a therapist”.
Today I looked at the news and just went back to sleep, my first thought was “nah, I’m done. Time to get a therapist”.
I’m going to be honest, my mental state is at an all-time low. I just haven’t had motivation to do anything; not anything at all. But I’ve got so much going on, and I feel like I’m letting everything good just slip away.
The only positives in my life right now are my family and dog. I hardly have friends, unless friends are everyday bullies. I feel alone and secluded, but thankfully I have a safe place. And it’s here.
I feel like I’m slipping into depression, and I just need a way to escape. And I just come here and I feel better. The community is amazing (“sMoGoN iS sO tOxIc” no it isn’t shut up) and people are just all around kind.
Just pouring my heart out here, but yeah, thanks for reading
The only positives in my life right now are my family and dog. I hardly have friends, unless friends are everyday bullies. I feel alone and secluded, but thankfully I have a safe place. And it’s here.
I feel like I’m slipping into depression, and I just need a way to escape. And I just come here and I feel better. The community is amazing (“sMoGoN iS sO tOxIc” no it isn’t shut up) and people are just all around kind.
Just pouring my heart out here, but yeah, thanks for reading