Socializing with the opposite sex when you're married/engaged/in a relationship

I had an ex who had that kind of mentality (to the point she asked if I was making eye contact with other females). I think it may have been to cover up the fact that she was engaging in some infidelity herself, though.
 
Maybe in your first relationship your girlfriend was suspicious because she read your thread about having sex with your boss?

Have a nice day.
 
WaterBomb said:
So, I'm not sure when it happened, but somewhere along the way it became unacceptable to socialize with the opposite sex when you are in some way exclusive with another person.

When I was growing up, my parents raised me to believe that it was perfectly natural (and encouraged) for co-workers to go out to lunch during the workday. A male and female co-worker eating together in a restaurant was a common sight, and was not analyzed or even taken a second look at. The same could be said about having friends of the opposite sex. I was under the impression that it was ok to have (in my case) female friends that were just that, and that there was no romantic interest between the two. You could hang out with your female friends in a completely plutonic manner, and nobody would judge you.

Then, things began to change. When I entered my first serious relationship, I got a crash course in how the mind of a psychotic woman works. Not only was it unacceptable to spend time with another female that was not your girlfriend, it was inappropriate to even SPEAK to other females, let alone be friends with them. Having lunch with your female co-worker was unheard of, and would most certainly earn you a trip to the doghouse. What's more, a brief conversation with a female classmate to ask about the day's assignment would be met with a deep interrogation, Spanish Inquisition style.

Now, at first I thought this situation was just because the woman I was dating was unusually jealous and paranoid, and that she was the exception to a rule. However, after several conversations with other females I determined that many people shared the belief of my girlfriend at the time: When you're in a relationship, you don't talk to other girls. Period.

Since then I've had a couple other relationships, and none were as ridiculous as the first. I've still noticed that there is a general uneasiness in women when their man is interacting with another female. The degree of uneasiness varies from person to person, but it is always present in some form. Even if the girl (ie my fiance) is relaxed and trusting, they still feel that aversion to other females being near me.

What I'd like to know is: When did this transition occur? When did it become implanted in people's minds that you're not allowed to talk to the opposite sex if it isn't your lover or blood-related family? Moreover, what caused this transition? What is the basis for this belief? This topic is for the discussion of these issues. Have at it.
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It's the paranoia that is caused by our society's glorification of infidelity. If it wasn't so broadly publicized, theatricized, and glorified, it wouldn't be as common and people wouldn't be as fearful. It's that simple.
 
Ira Aeternam said:
It's the paranoia that is caused by our society's glorification of infidelity. If it wasn't so broadly publicized, theatricized, and glorified, it wouldn't be as common and people wouldn't be as fearful. It's that simple.
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I know you love to use all those "ized" words, but... "glorified"? Where is it "glorified"?

I don't see why people still act surprised that some people cheat on their spouses.
 
People are ugly and look for reasons to be unhappy or just become unhappy despite the fact they should be happy. Of course, sometimes there are actual reasons, but a lot of times there are not.

It is not like this is one sided - the Japanese hid their women and tried to keep other men from even looking at them, the Chinese bound ton of women's feet so that they were crippled for life and only good at hanging around a house.

Obviously there is always going to be a sexual subtext to situations in life, but that does not make anything "weird". Only assbackward retrogrades are eager to make a big deal out of opposite sex people talking/hanging out/having a meal together. I have dated several women, seriously or casually, and only one has had any slight jealousy issues, though she cheated on me, so that just makes her a hypocritical retard (retarded at morals, that is). Anecdotal evidence is just that - anecdotal.
 
CaptKirby said:
Ponly one has had any slight jealousy issues, though she cheated on me, so that just makes her a hypocritical retard (retarded at morals, that is).
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Why is it that the ones that get jealous are the ones that cheat on you?

I mean, I know WHY it happens, I just find it retarded. Why do people have to be hypocrites by nature :(
 
Guilty conscience, probably. They assume that if they do it, you will too.


Although I don't think it's all that common. I think most of the jealous types don't cheat.
 
Deschain said:
having said that, most kids these days are fucked up majorly. between the retarded dating cycle this society encourages and the poor examples their parents set for them, a lot of kids (boy and girl) grow up with fear of both commitment and abandonment. this leads to co-dependancy and distrust in future relationships.
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Seconding this. What were her parents like (@ WaterBomb)? What was the de facto dating situation in her high school years?
 
RaptorEngineer said:
My Psychology teacher says that's called projection.
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Oh man I totally talked about this in Psychology this past Tuesday, so DON'T WORRY I CAN VERIFY THAT IT'S TRUE. Anyway I don't really have much more to contribute to this thread, just that girls can be crazy bitches.
 
Nida said:
What were her parents like (@ WaterBomb)?
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I actually loved her parents. Both of them were welcoming, friendly people who essentially adopted me from the get-go. Very generous and down to earth as well, unlike their daughter. She was, however, an only child though. I think this might have something to do with it.
 
Well, to hazard a guess, perhaps people who are really jealous cheat on you as a "well, they are already probably doing this or that, SO FUCK THEM" type of mentality. Other than that, people are just fickle jerks!
 
Ah yeah, I've seen this happen before. Personally it seems to me to be more of a woman thing, honestly in my opinion, what's so wrong with having friends, I understand some slight uneasiness in the beginning, but isn't trust supposed to be part of the relationship?

Now what I found really odd, and happened with some good friends of mine was, my one friend she's no longer talking with her best friend (another girl) just cause her friend had some misgivings about the guy she's dating. :/ I'll never understand women, then again, most guys won't completely.
 
Chris is me said:
I know you love to use all those "ized" words, but... "glorified"? Where is it "glorified"?

I don't see why people still act surprised that some people cheat on their spouses.
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Television, rap music (read: noise), movies. You know, some of the larger sources of media the world likes to indulge in.
 
you pretentious bastard i think cheating is glorified in some media, yes, but the negatives of cheating are explored just as much in various television shows. Show me a tv show that "glorifies" cheating... so that makes it seems ethically and romantically okay, and ignores all of the negative aspects of it
 
BigPDaMonsta said:
you pretentious bastard i think cheating is glorified in some media, yes, but the negatives of cheating are explored just as much in various television shows. Show me a tv show that "glorifies" cheating... so that makes it seems ethically and romantically okay, and ignores all of the negative aspects of it
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I don't imagine there is a show that makes it look good through the whole show (season) whatever. But when you show something repeatedly, over and over, regardless of whether it looks good or bad in the end, people get the idea in their head that it's possible. And when you show it over and over, and the negative repercussions come after the victim finds out, people get it in their head that if they can just get away with it, they'll get that pleasure that tempted the cheater in the first place without dealing with the negative side.
 
BigPDaMonsta said:
you pretentious bastard i think cheating is glorified in some media, yes, but the negatives of cheating are explored just as much in various television shows. Show me a tv show that "glorifies" cheating... so that makes it seems ethically and romantically okay, and ignores all of the negative aspects of it
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there are dozens if not hundreds of movies that focus on someone in a committed relationship, but then they meet "someone else" and they "fall in love", cheat on their partner, and it's shown in a romantic and positive light, that "it's ok to cheat if you fall in love!".

you cannot argue this point, it's a fact.
 
I think cheating has become more socially acceptable because friends are not holding each other accountable for their behavior. It used to be that, if you found out your buddy was cheating on his woman, you'd be like "hey dude, that's not cool man" and call him out. Nowadays guys share their cheating stories as if they were trophies: "Yeah man, I totally banged this chick from the party last night, and my girl doesn't even know!"

Also, from the other angle, it's become a sort of adventure to pursue someone else's girlfriend. Once again, there used to be a code among guys that you just don't scam on another guy's girlfriend. Now it's seen almost as a badge of honor to snake someone else's chick. I find this kind of behavior to be just as deplorable as cheating itself, because it shows such a degree of disrespect. These same people would probably throw a shit fit if someone made eyes at their girl, yet they don't even think twice about hitting on someone else's.

I'm not sure if girls are similar in their group of friends, but I know guys have definitely transitioned to this sort of behavior. It drives me nuts, because I know I would WANT my friends to hold me accountable and call me out if I did something assheaded like cheating. The kind of friends I want are the kind that keep me in line, and are man enough to check me if I stray from that boundary.
 
That is a pretty gross generalization you are making there! I am pretty sure that plenty of people have always bragged about bedding lots of other people, though maybe a lot more privately when you knew you might be hanged for it.
 
WaterBomb said:
I think cheating has become more socially acceptable because friends are not holding each other accountable for their behavior. It used to be that, if you found out your buddy was cheating on his woman, you'd be like "hey dude, that's not cool man" and call him out. Nowadays guys share their cheating stories as if they were trophies: "Yeah man, I totally banged this chick from the party last night, and my girl doesn't even know!"

Also, from the other angle, it's become a sort of adventure to pursue someone else's girlfriend. Once again, there used to be a code among guys that you just don't scam on another guy's girlfriend. Now it's seen almost as a badge of honor to snake someone else's chick. I find this kind of behavior to be just as deplorable as cheating itself, because it shows such a degree of disrespect. These same people would probably throw a shit fit if someone made eyes at their girl, yet they don't even think twice about hitting on someone else's.

I'm not sure if girls are similar in their group of friends, but I know guys have definitely transitioned to this sort of behavior. It drives me nuts, because I know I would WANT my friends to hold me accountable and call me out if I did something assheaded like cheating. The kind of friends I want are the kind that keep me in line, and are man enough to check me if I stray from that boundary.
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i think you need better friends.
 
Ira Aeternam said:
I don't imagine there is a show that makes it look good through the whole show (season) whatever. But when you show something repeatedly, over and over, regardless of whether it looks good or bad in the end, people get the idea in their head that it's possible. And when you show it over and over, and the negative repercussions come after the victim finds out, people get it in their head that if they can just get away with it, they'll get that pleasure that tempted the cheater in the first place without dealing with the negative side.
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People would NEVER want to or think of cheating if it weren't for TV!

Right...
 
me and gf both break - she is in a crew with all guys and its cool.

All I can say is that its healthy to have friends of an opposite gender, relationship or not.

As for cheating - its thrown in your face alot more due to the commercial industry where sex sells, but If your relationship is strong enough and you treat your partner right then you wont have to worry. Its a matter of finding the right person for you who you both respect and love.
 
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