Walrus Shubaka's Walrus Shindig - Won by Granny Pie

[shubaka17]

HEADER, CATEGORY SEVEN

last place shame corner
Rodan (1/10) - Beck “High 5 (Rock the Caskills)” beck was my mom’s favorite band, and i’m a petty person.
also no link bc video is bad and shouldn't be listened to at all.

18th

Lil Bean (5.0/10) - WEEB “Persecution Complex Cellphone Girl (LOL)” u did it!! u found a song!! it’s not good,, but it’s a song!!! the intentional autotune probably works with the lyrics of the song, if i spoke japanese. the beat is enjoyable, and i can dig the movements,, but this just doesn’t hit my niche of songs i like.

17th

Sketchup (5.2/10) - Curtis Mayfield “(Don’t Worry) If There’s A Hell Below We’re All Going To Go” bold opening. that opening is worth about 5 points on its own, and the rest of the song is worth less than three points. his voice isn’t that good? but i recognize his name,,, so he’s probably considered really good? this wasn’t worth the 24 minutes i spent listening to it. I could’ve listened to the intro three times and i would’ve gotten a better experience out of it.

From Sketchup: This one is a bit longer than the other songs but it's Curtis Mayfield so it's probably worth your time. One of the greatest intros to a song ever.

16th

vonFiedler (5.8/10) - Frankie Goes To Hollywood “(His Friends Are) More Than Fond Of Robin” there’s some good spanish guitar going on in the background, but there isn’t enough of this song for me to really enjoy it? it makes me wish there were more, which i don’t think any of the other songs you’ve submitted have done that.

15th

LG (5.9/10) - Boa “Duvet” this is one that was rereleased by the same band in a later album, and i went ahead and listened to the Non Acoustic version just to compare, and this one feels more??? yknow?? i like her voice a lot, but the song drags on a little long imo. it wanders around more than in the original, and that’s not really a good thing in a song as fluid as this.

14th

KoC (6.0/10) - T. Rex “Bang a Gong (Get It On)” this sounds like either 60s “indy” or early 00s badminton music. It’s not like this song is bad, or that they perform it poorly, or any of that, it’s just kinda,,, a song.

13th

Walrein (6.2/10) - Portugal. The Man “Got It All (This Can’t Be LIving Now)” i kinda like P.tM, but this isn’t one of the ones that i like. you can’t describe why you like it, and i can’t really explain why i don’t. this feels like one i would get more from when high on lsd, or when trying to become a music critic.
From Walrein: Here's another band I found through Walrus - you can see why I was so eager to bring this thing to Smogon. Some indie/alt rock with perfectly integrated strings, thought-provoking lyrics, and a pleasing blend of sounds that manages to be multilayered without being muddled or overwhelming. I tend to like higher-pitched vocals as well so this is right up my alley.

It's hard for me to really articulate why I like this song tbh. It just works

12th

Yeti (6.6/10) - Rational Youth “Talk To Me (I’m Only Human)” generic synth pop(?) doesn’t really resonate with me. it’s the kind of song that comes on the radio and you don’t care enough to stop switching stations, but you also don’t care enough to start looking for better songs.

11th

Kunclord (7.1/10) - MIKA “Big Girls (You Are Beautiful)” this isn’t the gay icon MIKA i’ve come to know and love. although this is good pop, and has a good moral, it’s missing a bassline to keep it from sounding like a self help seminar. i definitely enjoyed the song tho.

10th

Einto (7.7/10) - Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. “If You Didn’t See Me (Then You Weren’t On The Dancefloor)” i was incredulous at the name of this guy, since usually they go to The Third at that point, but this is a smooth song. like, really smooth? and it’s not overly fun but it doesn’t have to be...

9th

LW (8.2/10) - Dead Or Alive “You Spin Me Right Round (Like A Record Baby)” this is a jam, no matter who’s playing it. i’m pretty sure neon trees does a cover of this that i like more (similar to their cover of Don’t You Want Me) but the original still hits all those important spots, like repetitive chorus, techno beat, and questionable lyrics.

From LW: This a classic, and I'm surprised no one subbed it before me. It's chorus is p much legendary. Favourite parts are the beat right after the spin me section and the AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Gaius is a fire emblem character, here he is shirtless

8th

Martin (8.3/10) - Lou Bega “Mambo No. 5 (A Little Bit Of)” this is the original and i’m dying, this is so similar but just far enough off of the disney version i was raised on to disquiet me. the brass section rocks it, the tune is catchy, and it’s still got nostalgia (although if you’d subbed the disney version u may have gotten a 10).

Top 7 Full Plays: atomicllamas, Blazade, DLE, Eagle4, Granny Pie, Marth, Myzo

7th

Blazade (8.4/10) - Dream Theater “Metropolis Pt 1 (The Miracle and The Sleeper)” so i know y’all may not like this (except walrein totally does) but dream theater is my friend Jon’s favorite band, and he plays it all the time when we’re speeding down the highway just for shits and giggles. so hearing more dream theater reminds me of the mountain breeze and summer nights. sorry this cat is so driven by things that aren’t 100% music related, but that’s this week’s Mood

6th

DLE (8.5/10) - EL VY “Return To The Moon (Political Song for Didi Bloome to Sing, with Crescendo)“ with a title like that it could almost be a Panic! song, but this is way too Cool for it to be sung by Brendon Urie. the lyrics don’t make much sense to me either, but the longing feeling they give off is undeniable. smooth all around dle.

From DLE: My dad listens to lots of hip and cool music, so I don't feel comfortable submitting to the dad rock category. He loves this song and got me listening to EL VY about a year ago. The guitar is super funky, the voice fits perfectly, and the name of the song is awesome, although I barely understand what it means

5th

Eagle4 (8.6/10) - Cocteau Twins “Pandora (For Cindy)” first of all that title is gay, so points. It’s smooth, it’s well done, and it’s got some strong vibes. this time the vibes are less murderous and more of a new chapter with the same characters, but i’m definitely feeling a lot from this song.

4th

myzo (8.7/10) - Blondie “(I’m Always Touched By Your) Presence, Dear” i like the instrumentals on this a lot, and her voice just amplifies how good the song is. idk, earlier walrein was having problems articulating why he liked a song, and now i’m having problems articulating this one. one of blondie’s best, like you said.

From myzo: Im not sure I didn't use this one as a header for a reveal also. another goat blondie song that not enough ppl remember. Debbie Harry has the most swagger.

3rd

atomicllamas (8.9/10) - Dua Lipa “Blow Your Mind (Mwah)” you changed ur sub, and i told u how much of a mistake it was after double checking. this isn’t a big drop though, and even tho i’m straight her voice is really attractive? I’m 90% sure this video is gay culture, and even though other people are saying “oh no i don’t watch the videos” i do bc what the fuck else am i gonna do while listening to music? just close my eyes for two hours on end and hope i don’t fall asleep?? anyways this song is gay and attractive and catchy as SHIT

2nd

Marth (9.0/10) - Snarky Puppy “Shofukan (We Like It Here)” late sub is late, shitty writeup is shitty, good song is good, brass is sexy

1st

granny pie (9.1/10) - Bad Lip Reading “SEAGULLS! (Stop It Now)" when you first submitted this song i thought nothing could possibly top it. i’m sorry to say that i was wrong. his voice is perfect for his small shriveled green body. pair this up with my love for star wars and the sick beat they’re dropping, this song is top tier.

From granny pie: I lol'd at this song. / For 3 straight months. / I love this song.

closer:

Anna Nalick “Breath (2 AM)” i have heard this song before,,, and i may have drunk cried at it. her voice is gay and calm and i kinda love everything about this song. oops. @ all y’all sending me more wild and free songs, keep it up! just know the way to my heart is through soft shit

 

[shubaka17]

let me know if y'all prefer the quotes like these last two have been, or spoilers like the others have been. the spoilers are more work, but if y'all prefer them i can go back to that

 

[Ampharos]

let me know if y'all prefer the quotes like these last two have been, or spoilers like the others have been. the spoilers are more work, but if y'all prefer them i can go back to that

i've never understood why people do spoilers. quotes all the way

 

[shubaka17]

next reveal is on the discord server in about 3 hours! be there or be square

 

[shubaka17]

Cat 8 Oddish

19th Rodan (3/10) - Arcade Fire “Neighborhood #2” this is another band that i hate a substantial amount from you rodan, but i only hate these guys because every single indie person i know irl sucks their dick to no end. they try to make their vocals sound far away to make you ignore how bad they sing, but their instrumentals aren’t garbage enough to make it work. shis song sounds like they’re smart enough to know how to play a song, but they aren’t good enough to actually do it.

18th LW (3.2/10) - Kerosin “Little Pig” this is probably song. it’s difficult to tell. every single one of the band members looks exactly like the kind of person you’d find at an underground bikini mud fight club, which by the way is what the video is. :I
From LW: I will give you a lyrics translation once not on the phone so you may enjoy this more. Perfect for Hungarian parties, and a fairly amusing Hungarian band. To give you a taste, the chorus is "Little Pig! Little Pig! Let Me In!" Like the children's story but aimed at women to get in bed with, you know like a gentleman.

17th blazade (3.4/10) - Thank You Scientist “Blood on the Radio” how you can tell a metal song is bad: you think the vocals are the best part. there’s enough going on in this song that it won’t score under a 3, but the horns aren’t doing it for me in this one, and the discordance doesn’t feel intentional, it just feels wrong.

16th Martin (3.7/10) - Sayuri “Mikazuki” i so incredibly can’t stand her voice that it’s weird. I’ve listened to a ton of songs with voices similar to hers and none of them irked me as much as this one did. the backing does nothing to save this song, and so it’s stuck getting low points.

15th KoC (4.9/10) - Muse “Muscle Museum” i’m not that big of a muse fan tbqh, and this isn’t one of their better songs. i get the walrus is all about finding new music, but this is “new” music from a known band that doesn’t work out.

14th LG (5.2/10) - Avenged Sevenfold “Thick and Thin” now i know i’ve said i’m emo, and that screaming doesn’t bother me, but this isn’t? good? I mean it’s not horrible, i just wish there was more to it than screaming and guitar.

13th eagle4 (5.8/10) - Jamie T “Sheila” is this australian rap? sheila gives it away, and i don’t even like american rap. something that both helps and hurts this song is that Gym Class Heroes is a recommende- why are they screaming? there’s jsut??? some random screaming in the background???????? like 1) relatable 2) why????

12th Kunclord (6.1/10) - Robin Schulz “Sun Goes Down ft. Jasmine Thompson” a weak drop keeps this song from scoring high, but i enjoy the beat enough to keep it from scoring low. this song just feels empty, echoing into the abyss

11th DLE (6.2/10) - Mariah Carey “Vision Of Love” she’s good at singing, i’ll give you that. there’s three things going against you on this tho: 1) i’m gay 2) i’m lonely 3) the backing on this is cliche (probably the origin of the cliche, but still) sorry kiddo

From DLE: I didn't want to be predictable and send Nas, so I sent Mariah Carey instead. Mariah was the one 90s pop singer that seemed to actually live and succeed past the 90s because she can just fucking belt. She's a fantastic - quite possibly my favorite - vocalist, and Vision of Love was sort of the world's first exposure to her. It was her first #1 hit and the second Mariah song I heard (I heard Emotions first but that's not on her debut). The passion and depth in her voice is palpable and hopefully you love this as much as I do.

10th Lil Bean (6.9/10) - Reol “Weeb” i can’t tell if this song is supposed to be fun or overthrowing some sort of oppressive system, or maybe even supporting its own system of tyranny? Idk but they do it well.

9th Einto (7/10) - Data “Don’t Sing ft. Benny Sings” i’m a sucker for generic indy vocals, and prominent piano helps this song be Good instead of Meh. downside to all this is that they sound a LOT like Two Door Cinema Club, and that just makes me wish these guys were as good as they are.

8th Yeti (7.2/10) - Freezepop “T Dj” i thought i’d already gotten a freezepop song from you, but the other one was from Knights actually. this one isn’t as good as the other one, it feels like they’re still figuring out how to piece each part together. “We Don’t Have Normal Lives” was a better song, this one has better pieces. the vocals are always given an odd backing, which kinda feels forced.

Top 7: atomicllamas, Granny Pie, Marth, Myzo, Sketchup, vonFiedler, Walrein

7th vonFiedler (7.4/10) - Frankie Goes To Hollywood “Language of the Heart” i’m not entirely sure this song qualifies, but i haven’t really bothered to check any of the other submissions, so why should i start to care now? this is finally the song that fits his voice, instead of trying to stretch him, have him sing the same four notes over and over again, with a lot of meaning behind them. this is probably too high for this song, but dammit this is satisfying to hear the same person i’ve heard every week for the past two months in a decent setting

6th Marth (8/10) - ELP “Tank” is that a harpsichord? i can’t tell what instrument that is for the first two minutes, but it’s really fucking good. the middle drops off a significant amount, but then in the final third they ramp back up to absolutely crush it. call it a 9.5/10 for two thirds, and a 5/10 for another third, gives you 24/30 which is an 8/10. really good last minute sub from marth yet again.

5th atomicllamas (8.1/10) - Tove Lo “Thousand Miles” two consecutive songs with singers that i associate with one another. this one isn’t as stand out as the one before it, but it’s still a really stout song. there’s no shortfalls to it, except for this song is preaching about something i’ve never experienced before (i think it’s broken hearts?). still enjoyable, even as a lil bab like me.

4th Myzo (8.3/10) - Bjork “Come To Me” i love bjork’s vocals on this, and the beat behind her keeps a jazzy feel all around. great cymbals, strong positive vibes comin from this song.

From myzo: This one of the many goat bjork songs, lyrics so frustrated. best part starts at 2:00 minutes: / "Jump off, your building's on fire / And I'll catch you, I'll catch you"

3rd Granny Pie (8.4/10) - Johnny Cash “I Walk The Line” I, too, am secretly a 70 year old retired dude living in coastal texas. And just to spite you, my header for this cat is going to be country.

From Granny Pie: This is on Johnny Cash's first album: With His Hot and Blue Guitar / Now, Johnny Cash is generally regarded as the one, glorious exception to the rule of "Country Sux". As he should be.

2nd Walrein (9.4/10) - Ripe “Caralee” there’s been a sharp influx in songs that i would never in a million years hear on the radio, and for that i’m glad. this band totally rocks, and i’ve added them to my mix. i almost wish you’d submitted flipside, but the guitar solo on this song funks the hell out. his voice isn’t exactly what i’d want in a funk song, but it melds in with the rest of the band.

From Walrein: This is 80% a stubborn salt submission - fuck Yeti for tanking Goon Squad, this band is great. Funk's not dead, folks. I've heard people complain about this guy's voice on more than one occasion but I legit don't get it, I love his voice. Of course, it's the backing instruments that carry this band - you know how much of a sucker I am for horns, and these guys deliver. This particular performance features an incredible guitar solo as well, so that's pretty sweet.

1st SketchUp (9.6/10) - Velvet Undergound “Sunday Morning” the backing on this song sounds like it comes from a 1930s windup toy, and the vocals on it sound like they’re from the 1920s. In short i love this song. In long i love this song a lot.

From sketchup: I guess after weirding you out with Ween and The Pop Group it might be time for just a simple, cute pop song.

 

[shubaka17]

SCOREBOARD

not much shuffling, so much as a few people falling places. Rodan felt the repercussions of submitting two straight last place songs, and fell four places. DLE dropped below Walrein, but Granny Pie's lead is still pretty large. Two categories left, can Walrein rally to overthrow the tyrant Granny Pie? will we ever hear from snaquaza again? find out next week, on dragonball z kai

 

[shubaka17]

SCOREBOARD!

the gap between Granny Pie and Walrein is closing! and with two ties heading into the final cat, there's plenty to be excited for. everybody is within range to overtake someone, unless you're snaquaza, in which case you're SoL, and should've submitted more than three songs. Eagle4 still has the ability to submit songs from before he started to submit, at a 10% reduction due to lateness, but it would hlep him move above vonFiedler and Rodan, maybe even up to fellow late submitter Martin. i still need Gay songs from Blazade, Eagle4, and Marth, so get on that if you would! final reveal will be either this wednesday or thursday, at 7 PM EST.

 

[shubaka17]

Cat 9 Header One
Header Pt II

18th vonFiedler (.2/10) - “I Will Survive” :(

17th Rodan (3/10) - Daft Punk “Human After All” the beat on this is super fucking annoying. the vocals are exactly what i expect from daft punk, which is to say the song would probably be better without them. and there’s 5 minutes of the same fucking thing, with essentially no progression. congratulations on not getting last this cat though.

16th Marth (4.6/10) - Golden Earring “Radar Love” slow start, leads into a song that isn’t really that worth the start. the sound is twangy enough for me to not give it clean points, but clean enough for me to not give it trash points. way to find the middle ground of Not Good Enough. best part of this is when i don’t have to hear this guy’s voice, and there’s very little going on instrumentally. at this song’s slowest is its best, which is kinda antithetical to the cat.

15th Lil Bean (5.8/10) - Weeb “気まぐれメルシィ 歌った 【あらき×ゐづ】” the intro to this song makes me score it high, because how can something with that kind of intro be not fun? it’s simple, have the rest of the song behind it. there’s way too much focus on the vocals of a song that has some really interesting backings to it, especially at times there’s a really bass or guitar or smth goin on, only to be drowned out by these guys getting autotuned.

14th Kunclord (6.2/10) - Ella Eyre “Comeback” this was a song that i initially scored a lot lower, just because i don’t like her voice, but after listening to it a few times i realized it’s just an average song. doesn’t help that i can’t empathize with the song, and that the backing is INCREDIBLY average. sorry that you can’t win your own cat kiddo.

13th Yeti (6.5/10) - Poison “What I Like About You” was there a shrek cover of this? that’s the better version of this. this isn’t nearly as fun, or as fast. Kinda reminds me of why so many songs from this era are classics, but aren’t regularly played songs anymore

12th Granny Pie (6.9/10) - “Sonic X Theme Song” u bastard, going for the obvious song. i’d score this lower if it were any less of a fitting meme.

From Granny Pie: GOTTA GO FAST.

11th KoC (7/10) - System Of A Down “Bubbles” this song mugged me in an alley and then mailed me my frequent buyer card and driver’s license two weeks later.

10th atomicllamas (7.1/10) - M(/) “Kamikaze” this is fun pop, the beat has one of those instruments that if you used it in any other way it would be superbly annoying, but as is it’s actually enjoyable.

9th Eagle4 (7.2/10) - Wood Kid “Run Boy Run” this is indy enough to make me feel good listening to it (the string section kills it, and the wood block percussion is wonderful) but his voice is an annoying version of what i think would work (maybe deeper, closer to George Ezra?) but this is a good song. enjoyed the closing, once again because there wasn’t his voice to ruin it, but w/e

8th DLE (7.3/10) - Initial D “Night of Fire” this is abundantly obvious it’s an initial d song, and i only know initial d from “Running In The ‘90s”. It’s fun, it’s kind of stupid, but not so stupid that i feel any worse for listening to this on repeat for half an hour. it’s also exactly 5 minutes, so super props for having a nice round number. only downside is that i forgot the song was on after the first two plays, and after the fourth i started to lose the novelty of the song. this one would have done a lot better if i had been behind schedule like normal.

From DLE: You said no to running in the 90s. You get the other famous initial d song. I think this one might be better although not as iconic (although I think this one is bigger in Japan). But dat Eurobeat tho mmmmmm

7th Martin (7.7/10) - Nikolai Rimsky “Flight of the Bumblebee” this was the uhhhh, theme song for a show on netflix i used to watch,,, can’t remember what it was, but i remember it was Catalan, and so i’ve listened to this quite a bit more than the average bear. Also, there’s a reason why classical music like this has lasted so long, it’s reALLY GOOD. this isn’t the best shit out there, but still good.

6th Walrein (8.3/10) - Franz Ferdinand “Bullet” these guys are exactly what i look for in a band. simple but really good instrumentals, quirky but not horrendous vocals, and lyrics that make you feel smart for knowing just a little bit of history. really good sub walrein.

From Walrein: GOTTAGOFAST

Tbh it was hard to find a song that could one-up Hot For Teacher in the speed department, so I decided to pick something that may not have quite as much raw speed as it could, but just feels sleek. Like a bullet, for instance. And, I mean, it's still fast. Anyways, I love Franz Ferdinand and their whole style of neo brit-rock in general, so this was a pretty easy decision. Guitarwork in particular is great here

5th SketchUp (8.4/10) - X Ray Spex “Identity” thank goodness for youtube comments, or else i would’ve lost all the emotional meaning behind this song. she fucking belts this song out, and has some sick guitar helping her out. a strong brass section, and a quick pace, just doesn’t stick with me the same way some other songs do.

From SketchUp: I'm sorry if this song gets stuck in your head. Happens to me all the time.

4th myzo (8.5/10) - Sleater Kinney “Start Together” i like PJ Harvey more than Sleater Kinney, but after reading the band bio i’m going to have to listen to these guys more. this is a really good song by them, her voice haunts me after listening to it each time, and the guitar work supports every part of the song. Update: that’s literally what your fucking writeup was, i hate this. you literally did my writeup for me, and i only c/p these after i’ve gone through everyone’s

From myzo: super fast and a great intro to sk. the way carrie brownstein and corin tucker interweave both their voices and their guitars is present as usual on this track. The lyrics are about insecurities at the start of relationships and projects broadly. this was the first sk song I really liked.

3rd LW (9/10) - Tensei “Atomic Bonsai” goddammit you took my header away from me, now i can’t do homestuck music. ass. of course i’m going to score what would’ve been my header this high, it’d be highway robbery to do otherwise. unfortunately for you, there was more interesting stuff in this cat, yes, more interesting than dirk fucking up the black king before even making got tiger.

From LW: My favourite HOMESTUCK song hands down. The instrument choice gives it this extremely speedy feeling, while the changes between the dominant instruments keep it fresh all the way through. Even the slower part still keeps a steady pace and launches back into speed, a nice change of pace all in all. This is my Ash Greninja theme basically.

2nd LG (9.1/10) - TechN9ne “Speedom Worldwide Champions 2 ft Krizz Kaliko and Eminem” I like Krizz and Tech, hate eminem as a person/celebrity, but Eminem’s verse is really fucking good. like,, so fucking good. tech’s first verse isn’t nearly as good as his second, and holds the song back just enough. still my favorite new song from the rest of your subs.

1st blazade (9.8/10) - DragonForce “Give Me The Night” h o l y s h i t. these guitars, these vocals, with a pace like this a 4.5 minute song can convey a lot more than others. really this is deserving of victory. nothing's gonna top this for a speed cat, nothing.

 

[shubaka17]

some midnight hour submissions from Eagle4 for the first three categories! writeups and scores!

(6.5/10) The Rolling Stones "Sympathy for the Devil" this fits the cat by the virtue of it's music. i hate his voice a lot more than i should, and the backup vocals that they treat as an instrument are horrible and sound like they came from the local middle school basketball team. this beat is goddammed infectious tho, and the guitar trill in the middle (i won't go so far as to call it a solo) help keep the rest of the song afloat. the song that plays next on youtube recommended would've done much better ("Paint it Black")

(4/10) alt-j "Dancing in the Moonlight" i'm sure the original has a lot of emotion to it, and some excellent backings, judging by the lyrics. but my goodness alt-j cannot carry a note or a tune for the life of them. the best part of this song is the bells, because they're supposed to be played by four-year-olds, unlike the rest of the instruments. at least i can listen to this multiple times without anything in between, so points on that.

(3.1/10) TheLonelyIsland ft Seth Rogan "Like a Boss" i mean scoring coke is illegal, so i'll allow this, but this song is just Andy Samberg yelling, with some more yelling in the background of the same thing over and over again. weak beat, samberg is better at comedy than singing, and even then this comedy just doesn't appeal to me rn. they throw seth rogen in, but musically he doesn't do anything. i'm sure if i had this song during reveals i'd be receiving a bunch of "robbed"s, but as is this song is a really bad song.

an updated scoreboard (with the 10% adjustment for these songs being late) shows eagle4 jump up five places, even though these were some Really Bad scores, so his 56.1 is now 1.1 point behind LW, and 1.9 points ahead of Martin. The Final Category (gay songs) is going to be tomorrow, at 7 PM EDT, which is 20 hours from now. be there if you don't want to miss the culmination of a whole bunch of people trying to find songs that are simultaneously good and unoffensive, while still being about queer people and experiences.

 

[shubaka17]

if you thought that last set was midnight hour, how about someone submitting all 10 songs a mere 18 hours before the final reveal? Texas you mad bastard, you've gone and done it. (also rip i've had this done since like, noon, just never submitted it)

Cat 1 Daddy Walrein

(5.2/10) Eagles "Life In The Fast Lane" i don't really like the eagles' vocals, and while i get they're like Iconic or w/e, but this song is kind of really bland? i'm looking for songs a dad listens to, not inherently dad rock, and while this is dad rock, it's not good.

Cat 2 Knights of Covers

(8.7/10) Caleb Hyles "In My Remains" i'll admit i'm super weak to acapella. like, watch pitch perfect nearly every month kind of weak. and this song is SUPER emo, a la Linkin Park. his lead up was painful, because each individual layer wasn't quite what it should've been to deserve being individual, but the beauty of youtube acapella is that you can layer shit, and it makes a good ass song. which by the way, is what this is. a good ass song.

Cat 3 Fuck Da Police

(6.3/10) Queensryche "Revolution Calling" hair metal, but it's not all that good? they're almost afraid of using their guitar, and the vocals seem off just enough? drum beat feels like i've heard it in twenty other songs, and the song doesn't stand out beyond the fact it's hair metal.

Cat 4 Myzo

(7.6/10) Taylor Swift "I Know Places" what a shame that you submitted pop taylor, instead of country taylor. hell, i would've even accepted red, or speak now taylor over 1989 taylor. i will admit this is a neat song if u look at it from a gay perspective, but knowing tswizz, i doubt she meant it as much. idk, if this song had a different name in front of it i would say "this is a gay song" give it a three point boost and move on,,, so i guess i'll give it a one and a half point boost? idk,,, it's a good song, but it's a lot better if it's gay

Cat 5 Sinth

(8.1/10) Styx "Suite Madam Blue" i'm gonna come out the doors and say this song would've fit right in with the rest of Cat 1, since these guys sound really similar to a lot that my dad listens to. they sound similar to Rush, but i'm not sure if that's because 1) i'm uneducated 2) one influenced the other? anyways solid rock ballad, intro was slow but meaningful. nice bridge, into holy mother of hell the synth doesn't start until nearly 4 minutes in, but there's almost an entire song's worth of music behind it. you won't find that kind of stuff in the modern day. god bless. weak start, finish strong, good sub.

Cat 6 Time is an Illusion

(8.9/10) Queen "These Are The Days Of Our Lives" am i weak for queen? yes. am i weak for slow, soft songs? yes. do i think the percussion on this is really good? yes. green across the board, you're clear to take off.

Cat 7 What Kind Of Name?

(9.3/10) Paramore "(One Of Those) Crazy Girls" have i mentioned i listen to emo music? paramore was like, king nebuchadnezzar to the holy trinity of FOB, MCR, P!atD. everyone listened to them, and everyone had a massive opinion on whether or not they were really important, or good. my opinion? yes and YES. vintage Hayley Williams, and reminds me of someone i used to hang out w bc she was one of those crazy girls. we made jokes at it, but she never took to heart that we really shouldn't be comparing her to a serial killer. last i heard she only did anal because she didn't want to get another abortion. what were we talking about again? oh right music. i like this song.

Cat 8 Just Starting Out

(3.1/10) Adele "Chasing Pavements" nope. she's got a great voice, but this is another band that my mom listens to a lot. fuck this. this one i can at least tolerate listening to, but i will hold this grudge for the next twenty years of my life.

Cat 9 Kunc is Fast

(8/10) Symphony 9 "Inferno (Unleash The Fire)" sick album art, and good intro leading into a fairly average vocal verse. the highlights to this song is definitely its instrumentals, but the vocals aren't below average, they're just worse than the rest of the song, holding it back from being next tier. as far as speed, the guitar work picks the pace up when necessary, and then lets up to give meaning to what's being sung.

 

[shubaka17]

Cat 10 Hitmonleet/Queer Songs

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20th

KoC (4.2/10) - Randy Rainbow “The Sycophant Italiano” a minute forty leadup to a song i could’ve heard in the chorus room at my high school. what a shame that it’s been more than four scaramuccis since he was relevant, or you might have scored political points.

19th

vonFiedler (5.6/10) - Frankie Goes To Hollywood “Palamino Road” i’ll admit this is a song that fits his style of singing, and the backing isn’t that bad, but listening to the lyrics just makes me sad? and the turn towards an upbeat song isn’t even??? an actual turn???? idk man, for a gay ballad this isn’t that tragic, but it’s still a tragic ballad.

18th

LW (5.9/10) - Thousand Island “Spring Break Anthem” this is all about getting messed up and doing stupid things, and then also marrying men. i’m confused because if you ignore one half, the song is really healthy about gay marriage, and then the other is everything that sucks about bro culture? the music really sucks tho, air horns are 2015 at the most recent. also you mistitled this song in your writeups.

From LW: The juxtaposition makes the song for me. As far my enjoyment goes the message itself plays little part in it(I do agree with it though). The humor obviously is hit or miss, likely a miss, but I prefer this one to No Homo.

17th

Marth (6.3/10) - George Michael “Outside” smooth backing, but this isn’t prime George Michael, and it isn’t all that good? crucify me if you want but this is an average song in total. exactly what you’d expect from an artist that went solo and probably shouldn’t have.

16th

DLE (6.8/10) - Samwell “What What (In the Butt)” my first exposure to this song was Tosh.0, and the meme magic has since worn off. the song is good, but not exceptionally so. his voice is good, but not so much that it carries the rest of this song.

From DLE: I know I said I don't like comedy songs much but this song is fucking hilarious. I was actually so happy when I remembered the name of this song it's been years since I have listened and thought about it until I got to thinking of what super gay song I could send

15th

Martin (7.0/10) - Katy Perry “I Kissed A Girl” a song about questioning ur sexuality is queer, definitely. kinda sucks that she says it doesn’t count as far as cheating, but katy perry is good singer. there’s a reason people were upset her most recent song sucks.

14th

Lil Bean (7.1/10) -【かんせる / Kanseru / Kanzentaicell】『威風堂々 / Pomp And Circumstances』 歌ってみた 【梅とら歌ってみたツアー】I have no clue if this is queer or not. I’m just gonna take your word for it. it’s fun tho, upbeat, and there’s enough emphasis on the good parts that i don’t feel bad scoring this song over ones that i actually understand. techno is really good, and the progression helps hold my interest (unlike the anime girl in her underwear on the video, which does exactly -0.5 to my attention)

13th

Walrein (8.0/10) - Scissor Sisters “Take Your Mama” classic gay band (yes, every single one of the men in this band are gay, they’re also 100% bottoms). the backing is standard on this song, but the falsetto high notes are so distinctly SS i feel guilty scoring them this low. just a shame that you submitted boring SS, instead of their party jams or Let’s Have A Kiki.

From Walrein: There's a whole lot of coincidental factors that led to this particular song occupying this particular slot. / First of all, I literally only just heard this song for the first time today, and only by accident. See, I've been road tripping, and we've had prepared playlists for each leg. Due to an unexpected traffic jam, however, today's playlist ran dry before the drive finished, so Spotify decided to start playing music randomly, and this was one of the songs that came up. I loved it immediately - something about it's just infectious. Something about the chord progression, maybe, or the tone of the guitar, or the general style the song has. Idk. / Secondly, this was actually gonna be my cat 8 pick. I was initially going to pick between MIKA, the B-52s, and Elton John for this category, but then I realized that's boring because everyone knows those guys (maybe less so for MIKA but I also like him the least of the three) and so, because idk who the hell's gay and who isn't, I googled "gay musicians". Much to my surprise, these guys popped up. Turns out all the dudes in this band are hella gay. So I bumped this down here, which let me send Ripe in cat 8, so everyone* wins

12th

atomicllamas (8.2/10) - Tegan and Sara “Walking With A Ghost” goodness, this is vintage gay music. catchy, queer, and not painful to listen to. enough to score you a lot of points in literally any category of mine. i like the aesthetic of the video, feels totally ‘00s.

11th

Myzo (8.3/10) - Sleater Kinney “Sympathy” this isn’t nearly as good as the other SK, or the stuff i’ve been listening to (“Price Tag”, “Turn It On”), but it’s still really good compared to other music. I love her vocals so much. as far as gayness, 1) it’s something myzo submitted 2) SK is full of queer people.

From Myzo: i mean sk is the gayest group to me, it is the group in which I find my gay most reflected. the feminism, the androgynous femme, corin tucker being the angriest and saddest fem there ever was or will be./ this is just my fav song from the album they wrote after 9-11. it is the last song on the album.

10th

Sketchup (8.4/10) - Of Montreal “Suffer For Fashion” this is on the subtle end of the gay spectrum, which is to say they could just be quirky. but looking at the lyrics, yep this is some gay shit. really indy feel, and i looked into the band to see if any members are gay (unknown from the wikipedia page) i did find out they came from the elephant collective, so that’s some points in your favor. indy sound keeps the base score high too. dammit i should’ve known having a gay category would inflate everyone’s scores :I

From Sketchup: The entire Of Montreal album Hissing Fauna, Are You The Destroyer? is extremely gay, but this is probably the gayest song on there.

9th

Blazade (8.5/10) - Queen “Princes of the Universe” sick instrumentals like you’d expect out of queen, and have i mentioned recently that freddie mercury is my bicon? there’s a lot going on in this song, but it’s all good stuff going on.

From Blazade: i understand Freddie Mercury was gay

8th

Texas (8.6/10) - Luther Ingram “If Loving You Is Wrong I Don’t Wanna Be Right” this song is pure sex, and though it’s by straight people for straight people, it’s a gay song. smooth soul all the way, just a shame that there’s so many good songs this cat. I’m going to include in full plays, just because one of the songs that made full plays has already been full played x_x

7th

LG (8.7/10) - Frank Ocean “Ivy” i’d be remiss if i scored frank any lower than this, but this was a super top heavy cat. there’s some artistic shit going on in this that’ll turn other people off, but just makes me like the song even more. have i mentioned i’m gay? frank is hot.

6th

Einto (8.8/10) - Studio Killers “Jenny” i already graded this song and loved it. It’s still really good and really gay. however i'm gonna give a full play to a different song, since this already got 3rd

From shub like, three weeks ago: Studio Killers “Jenny” this song is gay, fun, and a bop. Points, points, and points. it’s not the best out there tho, sorry. still a good recovery after a few less than ideal submissions.

5th

Granny Pie (9.4/10) - Macklemore and Ryan Lewis ft Mary Lambert “Same Love” you changed it out of Great Big World, to the man who invented homosexuality. godbless. glad i remembered to double check your submissions specifically, because this is another one i had a writeup and score for your other song. tbh if you’d submitted just mary lambert you may have done better,

From Granny Pie: Can I submit Come On Eileen again? / No? / :t / Well, I remember hearing this song several years back. It surprised my mom to hear it on the radio, and I didn't know why until I actually sat down and listened to the lyrics. But I only got to that point because I really like this song, and it sticks with me even now, popping into my head to replace that saccharine shot of gay pride that is A Great Big World. / … / I really hope this scores better.

4th

Kunclord (9.6) - Glee "Dream On" just neil patrick harris would've been enough to qualify for this cat, but you're gonna send nph AND glee? that's almost cheating. his voice is beautiful, so they take a classic song and make it stupidly good. wild guitar work like you'd expect from only the best parts of aerosmith, but now with a battle duet for the ages. shockingly, you go up a little bit, from an already stupidly good score.

3rd

Yeti (9.8/10) - Tomboy “It’s OK to be Gay” ur goddammed right. also this song is a fucking bop. there’s education, there’s acceptance, and there’s so many different kinds of gay going on in this video. there’s the superhero Gayman exploding out of the closet,,,, just so fucking good.

2nd

Rodan (9.9/10) - “Bearforce1” there isn’t a single straight part of this song, but it dips off in the middle just enough for me to score something higher than it.

1st

Eagle4 (10/10) - Shamir “On The Regular” they’re super andro which is Goals, and this song is a super bop. the cowbell is catchy, the music is really fun, and “Don’t try me, i’m not a free sample” Iconic. thank goodness i pestered you for a submit. this is my new favorite artist. step aside emo, we’ve got Gay

 

[shubaka17]

If you missed the final reveal, it was fun, it was gay. the final scores are as follows:

Congratulations to Granny Pie for winning Shubaka's Walrus Shindig!