Back for more rambling, basically for myself more than anything. Ironically, right after this post from last year, I did some tom foolery and messed up my shoulder for like 3-4 months. Could not do any presses / shoulder exercises at all so that was cool. In a way it was kinda good, just in the fact that it gave a bunch of muscle groups a chance to rest and also me not taking things for granted like I probably had been. I got up to around 240 last bulk, and I didn't look too bad or anything, but that's still super heavy. I was cutting down for months and there was just so much ground to cover compared to past years. I lost 25ish lbs but ultimately didn't really get to a spot I was happy with. This comes in contrast to the cuts I had in my early 20s where I would get really defined and maintain strength really well, setting up for a good bulk.
With all the holidays and whatever else recently, I've been eating a ton and it seems like that's correlated into some random PRs. With that said, with my body weight going up to 235-240ish lbs, I better be hitting some PRs. My all time bench PR of 315 was when I weighed 218 or so at age 22. Currently at 240 bodyweight and 25 years old, my raw numbers are solid, but I'm nowhere near as strong as I was when compared to my previous bodyweight. I've still continued to go lift 5-6 days a week, largely because if I ever stopped I'd probably go insane. However, my nutrition and steps are nowhere near where they used to be. Main thing in recent years has been going out more and the weekends and definitely drinking more than I probably should. Naturally leads to Taco Bell trips at 2 am and etc.
All this is to say it does bother me to some extent that I'm not where I used to be physically. My life overall is leaps and bounds better than it used to be, but that doesn't have to come at the cost of fitness. I will say my relationship with the gym has definitely changed as my mental health has improved, but why do they have to have an inverse relationship? I'll jokingly tell friends or whoever that I'm not depressed enough to bench 3 plates again or stuff along those lines. That may unironically be true to some extent, but I guess my point is that I want to shift that perspective to a more positive outlook. If anything, physical fitness in combination with whatever other positive momentum could be the final cherry on top. Doing well in the gym shouldn't have to imply that I hate everything else in the world and that it's the only thing that matters.
It's p funny to me that I came to this sort of conclusion on New Year's Day. I obviously get why resolutions exist, but I've never been a big fan of them. A lot of them are either too broad, too over the top, too abstract, or whatever else along those lines. With that said, I don't really see that sort of thinking as a bad thing by any means. No matter what arbitrary time of year it is, people pushing towards positive change is good. So I guess this is to say my own resolution for this year will to be get into similar habits as the old days while maintaining a positive relationship w fitness and the gym in general. I don't want to miss a PR and have my day ruined. I don't want to take a ton of pre workout and being super anxious or not able to sleep. Idk man I just know I have a lot of small areas to clean up fitness wise, whether it's nutrition, not doing enough cardio, or my own effort in the gym. Starting in 2025, if I could get back up to where I was while maintaining a positive relationship with everything, it would make me super happy. For whatever reason, it's seemed near impossible the last couple years.
