Me:
Blaster (Typhlosion) Lv. 52
Landslide (Golem) Lv. 50
Edward (Crobat) Lv. 50
Egg 'em! (Exeggutor) Lv. 50
Clappy (Dewgong) Lv. 50
Heraboss (Heracross) Lv. 50
Koga:
Ariados Lv. 40
Venomoth Lv. 41
Forretress Lv. 43
Muk Lv. 42
Crobat Lv. 44
Pre-Battle Dialogue:
"Koga, I'm here to beat the crap outta you," I say as I burst into the second Elite Four chamber.
"Ohoho, and who's this?" Koga says in some foreign accent. "A challenger? I don't get those often. And who might you be?"
"I'm Rogue," I reply. "Holder of the eight Johto badges and defeater of Lugia."
"Excellent! An opponent worthy of the last remaining ninja," Koga says.
"Wait," I say. "You're a ninja?"
"Oh, yes. My ancient ninja techniques will leave your head spinning! Sleep, confusion, paralysis...you'll never know what's next! Brute strength alone doesn't win battles...as shown by my intricate ninja style! Are you ready?"
"Bring it on, Koga!" I challenge, and the battle begins.
"Ah, a Typhlosion! It shall be an excellent warm-up for my Ariados!" Koga exclaims.
"Literally," I mutter.
"Blaster, Lava Plume!" I command.
Before Ariados even makes a move, Blaster unleashes a wave of boiling lava at the Ariados, taking it out. "That warm enough for you, Koga?" I taunt.
Koga's face reddens, but he takes on a look of determination. "No matter," he replies, "that was only the first of my Pokemon, and there's still plenty that could change the outcome of this match! Don't assume anything yet, boy!"
"Go! Forretress!" Koga says as he sends out his second Pokemon.
"A Forretress? Really? That's what you're going with?" I ask.
"Don't assume anything yet! This Forretress has a few tricks up his sleeve...metaphorically speaking!"
"Blaster," I say, "show this sucker true power. Lava Plume!"
"Ah-ah-ah!" Koga says. "Forretress, Protect!"
A green-hued wall surrounds Forretress, and the lava flows harmlessly around the barrier, leaving the Pokemon unscathed.
"Dang it, Koga! You're only delaying the inevitable!"
"Maybe so, but it pissed you off, didn't it?" Koga says smugly.
I grind my teeth in irritation. If this keeps up, it could be a really annoying match.
"Forretress, use Protect!" Koga orders.
"Really, Koga? Get some new tricks." Right on cue, the green wall flickers and dies.
"Hahaha. Blaster, Lava Plume!" I command.
The superheated magma roasts Forretress's unseeable innards and it goes down, leaving Koga with just three Pokemon left.
"Go, Muk! Bring this match to a whole new level!" Koga yells.
Dang it, I think. I remembered reading that Koga's Muk could be really annoying with Minimize, so I'd best proceed with caution...or at least with a big rock.
"Blaster, come back! You did well," I say, looking at his Poke Ball.
I retrieve another ball from my sack (...) and toss it into the air. "Go, Landslide!" I say. "Let's own this pile of purple diarrhea!"
Landslide utters a low growl as it appears, cracks spreading from its landing.
"Hmmm...a Golem. Interesting choice," Koga says. "But it is no match for my Muk!"
"How can you say that when I'm eight levels higher and have the type advantage?"
"Don't assume anything yet!"
"WOULD YOU STOP SAYING THAT?!"
"Never!" Koga replies. "Muk, Mini--"
"Oh no you don't!" I say. "Landslide, Earthquake!"
Before Koga can finish his order, a savage earthquake shakes the building, and bits of plaster fall from the ceiling. Koga's almost knocked over by the sheer power of the move. When the dust settles, Muk is gone.
"NO! My most annoying Pokemon!" Koga cries. "Alright, you're in for it now! This just got serious!"
"Wasn't it serious before? 'cause I thought we were just messin' around," I say, my voice dripping with sarcasm.
"SHUT UP!"
"Muhaha..." Koga chuckles evilly. "Venomoth. Go."
"Well," I say, "that was weird." Fearing some Grass move, I make the decision to swap out Landslide. "Landslide, get back! Go, Blaster! Blast this bugger!"
"Your Typhlosion again," Koga remarks. "Such power in only two Pokemon. Intriguing."
"Intrigue this! Flamethrower, sucker!"
"That doesn't make any sense, but I'll let it pass," Koga says.
"Since when did you become the grammar police? Just watch the match."
Blaster exhales a blazing stream of flame, incinerating Venomoth instantly, and Koga's down to his last Pokemon.
"No!" Koga says. "No...but it isn't over yet. I've got one ace left up my sleeve...and I've been waiting the whole match for this moment."
"What moment?"
"The moment where I send in my last Pokemon."
"Oh."
"Go, Crobat! Muhaha...show this insolent child what you're made of!"
"Yeah...In your dreams, Koga. Go, Landslide!"
As the Megaton Pokemon faced off against Crobat, sizing each other up, we both made out moves. "Crobat, use Double Team!"
"Landslide, use Stone Edge!"
"Seriously, Koga? Double Team? The cheapest move in the game?" I say.
"Yep," Koga replied smugly.
Crobat's enhanced agility allowed it to dodge my pointed stones easily. "You'll have to do better than that," Koga taunted.
"Double Team again, Crobat!"
"Argh! Landslide, Rock Blast! ROCK BLAST!"
Fortunately, the move lands. After two hits, Crobat ate its Sitrus Berry, but even after Landslide managed a third hit, Crobat lived on to annoy me another day.
"Let's finish this! Crobat, Wing Attack!"
*crickets*
"You really expect to finish off a Rock-type at full health with Wing Attack?" I say.
"Well, it's worth a shot."
"You're hopeless. How did you even get into the Elite Four?"
"My name was drawn out of a hat."
"Oh. I see. Well, Landslide, finish this up for real. Rock Blast."
Fortunately, the move landed once more, and one hit is enough to finish Crobat off--that's game.
"NO! MY ANCIENT NINJA TECHNIQUES HAVE BEEN SURPASSED! CURSE YOU!"
"Whatever...I'm leaving now...adios..."
6-0