Uhh I guess this counts?
Turns out that basically every bite of food I wipe my mouth aggressively multiple times without me realizing. Don't ask me how I can just 'not realize that I'm doing it' but that's the best I can describe it. I recognize I do it, but I do it like easily 30+ times a meal when I only consciously do it once or twice. It also apparently has been going on for several years. "I thought you just liked wiping your mouth" was the general reaction from others, "I thought I wipe my mouth only 3-4 times a meal" was my reaction. It kind of sounds funny because it just sounds like I'm being a sensitive whiny bitch over nothing, lol. TBH, I also didn't think it was a big deal so I didn't do anything about it. But recently when I basically scrubbed off my mouth region and I only realized I was doing that when it started hurting, I realized that this is a potential problem.
So realizing that there's a problem is the first step to fixing it, so that's great. Problem is I wasn't able to fix it on my own. Unless someone's next to me pointing out, "hey, you just wiped your mouth five times after a sip of water, you can stop now" then I keep unconsciously doing it. Sometimes people tell me or something else reminds me of this. If so, the good thing is I can stop when I'm aware, so it's not like I can't help but do it even when I recognize that it's unreasonable (which means I'm probably not OCD or anything similarly serious for that matter). The bad part is that basically my dining experience has devolved into alternating between wiping obsessively, then stressing about whether I'm doing that. It's hasn't been fun.
I've talked to my parents about this, who just told me "if you wanted to fix it you would have fixed it, you just lack the willpower." They're not wrong, but that didn't actually help. I don't think it's anything too serious. But I'm not into hurting myself or irritating myself for that matter. Does anyone have experience of similar 'obsessive' repetitive actions to your own detriment? Any advice other than 'just stop doing it'?
thx
Well, for starters I don't think you should accept your parents' viewpoint that it's from a "lack of willpower". Without getting into a bunch of "dO wE eVEN have FreE Will???¿ nonsense that really isn't appropriate in this situation, this behavior is one that you have (mostly unconsciously) done for many years. Habits like that aren't just going to go away for trying.
As usual, going to tack a "I - hesitate - to -diagnose" disclaimer on this, but I wouldn't necessarily rule out some sort of obsession-related problem. People with OCD aren't necessarily unable to not perform a compulsion, it just brings on anxiety not to do it and doing that compulsion lessens the anxiety in the short term (but perpetuates the obsessions / anxiety in the long term). If it really is causing you significant distress, see a professional. This sounds fairly minor, but that doesn't mean it's trivial and not worth noticing. If you feel like your quality of life could be improved reasonably, don't hesitate to seek help.
Also, try and abandon thoughts of "i'm a whiny bitch", "this is so stupid", similar to what i said above. Behavior like what you're experiencing is trivial on the face, but that doesn't mean it's stupid or silly or anything like that. I'm not saying you should stress out over it because it has serious ramifications or anything - it's just wiping your mouth, I'm just saying that it's not a normal behavior. People who say "lol you could just stop that anytime" fundamentally misunderstand the nature of habits and behavior like yours.
Take everything I say with a whole salt-shaker of salt because I may very well be projecting and you might just absent-mindedly wipe your mouth. However, if you are actually stressing out about go ahead and see someone. Can't hurt.
A little bit of follow-up. Mother is still being very needy. To the point of utterly derailing my day on Sunday and nearly did so again (and has derailed other days and nearly made me late for work even when I left early to deal with her needs). Always seems to be one thing after another. On Sunday she had me drive my sis all the way to her school (a fair distance away) when I needed time to relax and prepare physically and mentally for a 12 hour shift after which I'd be up for 24 hours if I don't get my afternoon nap. So that frustrated the shit out of me and my workday nearly became a trainwreck. Nearly freaked out when a building alarm went off in the wee hours of the morning. Monday was my first day back at the gym in months. Had planned for this day for weeks. The day i'd finally begin taking my health back. Mother called again with more needs. Thought to myself 'If I go over there and can't fix the problem, she's gonna give me the whole 'what am I gonna do bullshit' and completely derail my afternoon for the 2nd straight day. Told myself I'd go to the gym (convinced my friend and gym addict to go later when I had woken up rather than at the crack of dawn) then deal with Mother's needs (which have a habit of snowballing). She had a fit and then ultimately didn't need me in the end. So I got upset for what turned out to be no reason. Honestly can't take too much more of this. Even if she does have nasty people gunning for her (so she says), the constant pressure and guilt tripping she lays on me is taking a toll. The week prior I was averaging just over 3 hours of sleep for her needs. My GF hasn't said anything but I know she's getting mad. She's not the confrontational type either but I know her patience is being tested too. Thankfully she empathizes with me. Maybe a little too much.
Ultimately I have a feeling things are going to come to a head and she is going to get a verbal slapdown from either me or my GF which won't end well for anyone. I may finally get peace then but at a high cost. Paid a bit of a price just to move out of my mom's house.
Piece said.
Heya. I can't offer much specific advice, and I'm sure I won't be suggesting anything that you haven't already heard, but it is great that your girlfriend supports you. That said, I think it's important that you recognize that she's getting fed up too. I know it's your mom, but you do have to set some boundaries and let her know that she's eating up all of your time. Instead of a confrontation, try just helping her understand the effect her needs are having on her life. If they really are serious, I don't know what to say - but you seem to imply that at least some of them are frivolous and you're being used more as an anchor or support network than you are actually helping.
At the end of the day you do get to choose how much you have a relationship with your family. Again, I don't know the specifics of your situation, but maybe just trying to scale back the time your mother gets to use you however she does (maybe by explicitly telling her that you are busy on certain days / times). Ultimately, it seems like you have enough shit in your own life without inheriting all your mother's too, and I think it's important that you don't let yourself be entirely guilt trapped. Your health, the health of your relationship, and your quality of life all matter too.
Well I could go on about my gender dysphoria, but lets leave that to the LGBT thread...
Last year I was diagnosed with
Avoidant Personality Disorder when I was psychologically evaluated to get on hormones. I match the descriptions to a T bar the part about how I feel I am inferior to people (my narcissism won't allow that lol), 6 of 7 is more than enough for a diagnosis.
I have like no friends. This isn't an exaggeration either. If left to my own volition, without my family, I will literally never talk to anyone or do anything. I just
avoid everything, in fear of rejection and then I don't end up doing anything.
A bit part of this is I will often go on these attacks against myself as to why I shouldn't or can't do things. I don't know if anyone remembers me from the irc a few years ago, but I apologize that I exposed you to that, those lines of thought are pretty much not-sane.
I'm still not entirely sure how to deal with this. I've tried to get out more and such to connect with people at clubs and LGBT meetings and made some progress, but idk if that's really helping or what I need. This isn't just some little social anxiety where I just need a kick in the butt to be more active, its an endemic problem which kept me from making friends for pretty much most of my life.
Wow, I actually never knew this existed (which is surprising, because I've read a LOT about anxiety disorders and it has a crazy-high comorbity with stuff that I have). After I got over my hypochondria trying to convince me that I had it (I fit like none of the signs, anxiety pls), it was pretty crazy to read about.
In terms of treatment, I gotta say it seems like you're doing pretty well. Group talking, forcing yourself to engage in social situations - this seems to be the right thing to do. I think something important to do for every anxiety-related disorder (or at least something that's helped me a ton) is to have a sort of mental check to confirm that what you're feeling is just the anxiety. For me, it's the knowledge that anxiety tends to overemphasize the risk/threat, overemphasize the probability of whatever actually occurring, and trigger certain physiological symptoms at times. Putting my thoughts and feelings into the context of anxiety when I know they fit those boxes is helpful because I'm able to see that they aren't really as valid as my anxiety might be tricking me into thinking they are.
I don't know if that'l help at all for your specific situation, but I thought it was worth a try ;).
This is total maximum Kitten-armchair psychologist mode, but do you think you feel more comfortable in social situations now that you've started the process of transitioning? (I'm a little behind as to where you are, but I was under the impression you'd at least considered it and talked to people). I can't help but think that part of your anxiety might stem from there. Complete conjecture, and I definitely don't think it's the panacea to solve all your ills, but I'm curious as to how that has affected it.
I'm sure you've already talked to people irl about this, but if you haven't I'll insert my normal catch-all about talking to a counselor / therapist / psychologist. They are pretty cool people.
I'm running out of places to turn to.
I did something unforgivable recently during a nervous breakdown on another site. I was rightfully banned near-immediately, being declared a hazard to the other users and only able to apply for return after seeking professional help.
The problem is that I have no access to professional help. So I'm at a total loss.
If you don't mind me asking, are you sure you have no access to professional help? A lot of schools have to have school counselors and psychologists, and the goal at least where I live is to make sure that everyone can access health facilities if they need to.
It'd be hard to solve your problems related to the site if they're purely dependent on professional help you can't get, but I do (very hesitantly) suggest that you seek out
trusted sources of information on the Internet to seek out some more knowledge about the feelings your having. Unless you're an absolute freak of existence and have something that literally no one has ever had before, chances are that a lot of people are suffering with just what you have. Seeking out that information can be helpful and liberating.
I can't do much without more specific information (and frankly i don't help that much anyway), but I think it'd be a good idea if you informed yourself (whether it's ideally through professional help or through the Internet) first off.
This isn't about me, but my sister.
She was admitted to a mental hospital yesterday. She has been paranoid since February after losing her job and she kept suspecting that it was my younger sister who told nasty things about her at the back to her formal boss. There were frequent outbursts anger by her, but she will calm down after a few hours. She got worse, always twisting our words as if we were trying to harm her. After that, we stopped talking to her. You may think that as a family member, you should talk to her, and try to endure all her scoldings and bullshit. But after a long day at university (I don't live on campus), you don't really want to talk to her and get scolded for absolutely no reason.
I always felt that she had no issue, and she was just putting on a facade. This is because she is very good at provoking people, and her actions were just an act to piss us off. My mother also denied her mental illness, saying that my sister was just angry for losing her job. This is the reason why we never bring her to mental hospital. And let's be honest, you cannot really bring a mentally illness person to the hospital without any force.
However, yesterday, she tried to stab my second elder sister with a butter knife that was kept in her bag. I was not at home, but I was told that my parents pinned her down. Later in the afternoon, she could not find her handphone charger and started screaming and shouting. She became banging stuff on the tables, drawers. So again, my parents pinned her down. It was rather serious, so we had to call the police. The police tried to keep the condition under control but my sister was still screaming and shouting and saying things "This is what she deserved!" etc. She began to pack her stuff, saying that she wanted to move out of the house.
The police gave us two options: to call the ambulance to bring her to the mental hospital by order (i.e. my sister would be forcefully be strapped down and sent to the hospital) or try to calm her down but she was not allowed to leave the house because she could pose a danger to the public. My father chose the former.
As a brother, as much as I disliked her for making my life so miserable for the past year, when she was forcefully strapped down by the police and she was screaming and shouting, I felt so damn sad and depressed. I can't even think about it. I went to the hospital with the ambulance and she was still screaming and shouting non stop. It was utterly depressing. I can't even look at her when she was bring tied down.
The specialist was not around yesterday and plus it was the year end, there was a shortage of manpower so there is still no diagnosis. My mother is currently in the hospital and we will have to wait for the diagnosis. We are still unsure of the exact condition and whether she needs ST or LT care.
I am now worried for the safety of my family members. The intention to injure someone else (especially with the fact that the knife is in her bag) is extremely serious. If she was discharged, I think her intention to kill is even more apparent. I'm so utterly sad and depressing right now.
Sorry for the rant, I felt a bit better after typing this out.
I should have responded to this much earlier, and I'm sorry for not doing so. My thoughts go out to your family. I think you have to try and understand your sisters mental health issue if you want to retain a relationship with her. Understand that by and large health issues can be treated, and that this might be a great thing for your sister and your family. I'm glad typing this out made you feel better, and I'm sorry for what you had to go through. Feel free to post with updates if you want or you feel it'd help.
Sorry to all of you for letting this stuff backlog when you guys needed help. That's really on me.
