baby names site
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Social LGBTQIA+
- Thread starter dhelmise
- Start date
After years of denial, I figured I finally was trans. Was struggling with a name, but I knew my mother like the name Jasmine. I looked at what the name meant (gift from god) and that’s exactaly what I wanted.
same experience verbatim down to the name
I missed the conversation on growing out of homophobia while it was happening but I did want to share that as a kid I was raised to be a homophobe and now I'm a raging guy kisser who has a private twitter with 5 of my closest friends chronicling every single thing the guy I've liked on and off for 4 years does. Growth 
Speaking of which (and some of you may already know this)...
For the longest time I was afraid to "change" my labels - I felt like once I picked something, I had to stick to it or else I'd be accused of lying? Or people would be like "oh so you can't decide" or something?
In my case it wasn't really changing labels, but rather discovering more about who I've been all along. There were times where I'd say I thought an actress looked pretty which was purely me admiring her style with absolutely no attraction present whatsoever, and that'd be used as a case of me liking a girl. At the time, it'd confuse me a lot because I didn't actually experience any attraction - I just genuinely did think the actress looked good, but I thought that was the case for everyone else because it'd be presented to me as such. And, well, it'd be the case for actors as well and there'd still be absolutely no sexual attraction there. I don't find them hot, I find them beautiful. I think their style looks good, but I'm not attracted to them. I wouldn't wanna date them solely because of their looks, but I'd be open to grabbing a coffee with them so we can talk about life or going to the mall so we can talk wardrobes. But if I talked to someone and they seemed nice, I'd absolutely be open to pursuing a romantic relationship with them (although it's unlikely, considering how long I've liked this one guy for).
Just because that was the case for me doesn't mean it has to be the case for you. Just because learning that I was still seeing my life through a comphet lens doesn't mean that's the only reason that exists for changing labels - sexuality is fluid, and I want to tell anyone who's reading this that if you feel like your attraction has changed, then you're valid for that. And if you don't feel like your attraction has changed, that's cool too. Labels are labels, and they can be immensely helpful for us to describe ourselves, but we define our labels - they don't define us. Your journey's your own, and someone changing their labels three times in a month is just as valid as someone who's known who they are all along. I'm putting this here both as a disclaimer that my story doesn't have to speak for anyone else's experience, but also because I feel like both people who are queer and people who are allys can often (unintentionally) influence someone into thinking a label fits them when it doesn't. After all, it's what happened with me. And that isn't always done with ill intent - I don't hold any grudges against the people who helped me figure out who I was, because they're good people and we're all growing up in a world where comphet is very much a thing that influences all of our ways of thinking and existing. But no matter how long it takes for you to figure out what labels you prefer, or if you prefer labels at all (unlabelled homies I see you and love you), you're valid.
Anyway, tl;dr: hi Smogon! I'm Ren and I'm from this country.
Speaking of which (and some of you may already know this)...
homoromantic* turns out I was also a victim of comphet (compulsive heterosexuality for any lurkers who don't know what the term means and may be too shy to ask) as a kid. Still asexual, though.
For the longest time I was afraid to "change" my labels - I felt like once I picked something, I had to stick to it or else I'd be accused of lying? Or people would be like "oh so you can't decide" or something?
In my case it wasn't really changing labels, but rather discovering more about who I've been all along. There were times where I'd say I thought an actress looked pretty which was purely me admiring her style with absolutely no attraction present whatsoever, and that'd be used as a case of me liking a girl. At the time, it'd confuse me a lot because I didn't actually experience any attraction - I just genuinely did think the actress looked good, but I thought that was the case for everyone else because it'd be presented to me as such. And, well, it'd be the case for actors as well and there'd still be absolutely no sexual attraction there. I don't find them hot, I find them beautiful. I think their style looks good, but I'm not attracted to them. I wouldn't wanna date them solely because of their looks, but I'd be open to grabbing a coffee with them so we can talk about life or going to the mall so we can talk wardrobes. But if I talked to someone and they seemed nice, I'd absolutely be open to pursuing a romantic relationship with them (although it's unlikely, considering how long I've liked this one guy for).
Just because that was the case for me doesn't mean it has to be the case for you. Just because learning that I was still seeing my life through a comphet lens doesn't mean that's the only reason that exists for changing labels - sexuality is fluid, and I want to tell anyone who's reading this that if you feel like your attraction has changed, then you're valid for that. And if you don't feel like your attraction has changed, that's cool too. Labels are labels, and they can be immensely helpful for us to describe ourselves, but we define our labels - they don't define us. Your journey's your own, and someone changing their labels three times in a month is just as valid as someone who's known who they are all along. I'm putting this here both as a disclaimer that my story doesn't have to speak for anyone else's experience, but also because I feel like both people who are queer and people who are allys can often (unintentionally) influence someone into thinking a label fits them when it doesn't. After all, it's what happened with me. And that isn't always done with ill intent - I don't hold any grudges against the people who helped me figure out who I was, because they're good people and we're all growing up in a world where comphet is very much a thing that influences all of our ways of thinking and existing. But no matter how long it takes for you to figure out what labels you prefer, or if you prefer labels at all (unlabelled homies I see you and love you), you're valid.
Anyway, tl;dr: hi Smogon! I'm Ren and I'm from this country.
i mean you all will probably never guess mine………. totally….
i was like. Shit. need a name i guess. this one works. a little over 5 years later and it’s on my IDs now. still works. I wanted something that didnt end with an “ee” sound, wasn’t stereotypical, would feel fine when im 35, and didnt have a million dumb nicknames. that’s my advice to the people in this thread, think about the future too.
emily is a sick name
its kinda embarassing but there was someone i used to talk to who i really looked up to whose name was based on a certain mineral, so after i kind of had made peace w my thoughts and resolutions some time after we stopped talking, which sparked it i think, i decided to name myself with a similar inspiration to signify my growth (but i kind of was already looking for something else to go by)... i just page hopped wikipedia until i found a mineral of the same family whose name would feel right. i arrived at chlorapathite, and really liked it :)
i've never really been able to describe it, but i've always thought it was kinda corny to do... and kind of arrogant? whatever, it's been many years now, i really like the name except when People Ask Questions (namely irl)
When I figured out for sure that I am a woman, I had two names in mind for myself and couldn't decide on either, so I told all of my friends to use either Maris or Bonibelle depending on which one they liked more. And Maris won by a LOT.
I have no idea where I got the name Maris from. I just remembered one of my characters had the name, so when i thought about her i went "this name is literally just me" and took it for myself. I just knew! Bonibelle I just took from the adventure time lesbian, teehee
I ended up deciding to use Maris for my first name and Bonibelle as the second name, so i truly ended up with both of them in the end. To this day, 3 years later i still love my own name. So much euphoria comes to me when i hear people using it. I wouldn't change it for anything.
Can I say that i second this? i've been looking at baby name websites and so far none have particularly clicked intensely with me so far, only very subtly or slightly as "yes this could be nice maybe". I'm grateful this topic is growing a bit here, this made me think of someting and I hope it's not too derailing.
How important you all would say that the name you choose matches your ethnicity or culture? I ask this not for me but my good friend who has for a long time struggled to find a good given name for themself, they're deep into the nonbinary spectrum and I think would prefer gender neutral to very slightly masculine names, and they once brought up that they wouldn't feel good taking names that match a culture or country they lack ancestry from, while their actual ancestries (Brazilian and italian) both have a severe lack of gender neutral names.
I agree that it'd be awkward if not potentially "culturally apropriating" to, say, be a south american with a japanese name when you have no connection to asian ethnicity at all, but I don't particularly feel it'd be too awful to pick a name from a country that I have only slight "ancestrality" to (I'm part spanish, but i personally don't think i'd relate to either typical portuguese or spanish names at all)
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Stole it from someone on discord that I had an argument with
Unfathomably based
exactly my thought process
i have been lurking this board for longer than some of y'all have... been alive i think? and i just wanted to say that this thread even existing when i was a gay 16yo wanting to find out why people liked skarmory and blissey so much would be almost unthinkable. this thread makes me happy and i wish a lot of love to all of you
skarmbliss is wlw/mlm solidarity <3
Hey guys I’m just looking for some advice and stuff rn
I would consider myself to be a lesbian. I love women, pretty much always have, and I can’t imagine dating a man as a woman.
However that’s the biggest part that is confusing me right now, I feel like I would love to be a man dating another man. Like I want to be a guy spoon feeding a pint of Ben and Jerry’s chocolate fudge brownie into my boyfriends mouth. But I wouldn’t consider myself to be bisexual because the thought of doing the same and being a woman makes me want to gag, but if I image myself as a man it actually seems pretty nice. If that even makes any sense?
Maybe it’s because I’m a little more butch or something or sometimes forget I’m a woman? It’s not like I’m uncomfortable being a woman or anything, it’s a fact that I’m fine with and I love being openly lesbian.
I think I’m probably just weird or something but I wanted to post here to see if anyone relates or understands.
I would consider myself to be a lesbian. I love women, pretty much always have, and I can’t imagine dating a man as a woman.
However that’s the biggest part that is confusing me right now, I feel like I would love to be a man dating another man. Like I want to be a guy spoon feeding a pint of Ben and Jerry’s chocolate fudge brownie into my boyfriends mouth. But I wouldn’t consider myself to be bisexual because the thought of doing the same and being a woman makes me want to gag, but if I image myself as a man it actually seems pretty nice. If that even makes any sense?
Maybe it’s because I’m a little more butch or something or sometimes forget I’m a woman? It’s not like I’m uncomfortable being a woman or anything, it’s a fact that I’m fine with and I love being openly lesbian.
I think I’m probably just weird or something but I wanted to post here to see if anyone relates or understands.
Nah you aren’t weird I talk abt this all the time w/ ppl, consider being genderfluid maybe
u can be a woman and a man at the same time if u want. its rly up to u
lowk i just asked my mom for ideas and she came up w/ kathryn and it stuck
I just wanted to say that it is fine having these thoughts and still being a lesbian, there is nothing bad about that.
I have heard from quite a few lesbians that they like yaoi art or mangas or that they loved reading or writing mlm fanfics.
It could be, as the others said, genderfluid related, so you can explore that if you want.
However, if you feel happy being a lesbian and being a butch woman, then I would not feel bad about having these thoughts.
yoyoyo so for asexual visibility week I wanted to share a website that personally helped me a ton. the asexuality visibility and education network (AVEN) contains resources for if you're friends or family with someone who's ace, dating someone who's ace, are questioning whether you're on the asexuality spectrum or not, or if you're already ace and just struggling. for me personally, I knew I was ace when I found this website, but I felt weird about if I was "ace enough" among other things and this website helped me a lot with putting that mini identity dilemma to rest. and maybe it can help some of you guys too! or it could help someone you know. it's super useful and they have a forum too which, while I personally don't use it, has helped a sizable number of people. give it a visit here: https://www.asexuality.org/
fuck yeah bitch own that shit
TW: Abuse/Suicide
Gender is such a weird thing for me. I had this debate since 2012 but no matter how much I try to live my life as a normal cis bisexual girl, but it does not sit well with me. I know I tried to be a trans guy online before i quitting Pokemon from the timeline of 2019-2022 but I was largely unhappy with myself and was really mentally unstable and depressed. I attempted suicide many times but I did not die, I think back to those horrible times and I think it was a cry for help and attention. Thankfully I have not attempted to take my life for a full two years now. My parents are not there for me mentally and would disown me for being trans hence why I was only a trans guy online. With no one to turn to during my darkest time in my life I destroyed many of my Smogon friendships, connections during that time and did ruin my reputation on this website because of my off the rails behavior and being well...insane. During my time away from Pokemon, I did a lot of self reflection to get myself under control and get help which I am in a lot better headspace now. I also thought a lot about why I wanted to be a trans guy and thought I was forcing myself to be one to run away from trauma that happened to me in my life; which is something I do not want to go into detail but it was cases of mental abuse, sexual assault/abuse and as a child was used by an adult man online for sexual pleasure. I do firmly believe I am a trans man as I never see a woman in the mirror, I hate my body, voice, and being called she/her. In social settings I see myself as a guy despite being dressed and referred to as female, dating is super awkward since sex is something I would probably never do again in my lifetime and I am looking for a lifetime romantic companion rather than getting married and having/adopting children. I realize this path will lead to me having to cut off my family which is ok with me because they are anti lgbt controlling and mentally abusive. I am trying to take the steps to move out before my 28th birthday next year to start the process to transition irl. Is it wrong for me to be a trans guy I dunno, but it is what I am. I showed signs of it all throughout high school+,I always picked male characters in game, I tried to dress as less feminine as possible and wore a binder at work only for a long while. I do not feel like a girl ever, wearing dresses, being called she/her, my first dead birth name, my chest and body in general gives me dysphoria. I am sorry to the people I lied to since I came back to smogon about being a girl, because that is not true and it was me lying to myself and what I truly am. I am Zero, a trans guy and am proud of it.
Gender is such a weird thing for me. I had this debate since 2012 but no matter how much I try to live my life as a normal cis bisexual girl, but it does not sit well with me. I know I tried to be a trans guy online before i quitting Pokemon from the timeline of 2019-2022 but I was largely unhappy with myself and was really mentally unstable and depressed. I attempted suicide many times but I did not die, I think back to those horrible times and I think it was a cry for help and attention. Thankfully I have not attempted to take my life for a full two years now. My parents are not there for me mentally and would disown me for being trans hence why I was only a trans guy online. With no one to turn to during my darkest time in my life I destroyed many of my Smogon friendships, connections during that time and did ruin my reputation on this website because of my off the rails behavior and being well...insane. During my time away from Pokemon, I did a lot of self reflection to get myself under control and get help which I am in a lot better headspace now. I also thought a lot about why I wanted to be a trans guy and thought I was forcing myself to be one to run away from trauma that happened to me in my life; which is something I do not want to go into detail but it was cases of mental abuse, sexual assault/abuse and as a child was used by an adult man online for sexual pleasure. I do firmly believe I am a trans man as I never see a woman in the mirror, I hate my body, voice, and being called she/her. In social settings I see myself as a guy despite being dressed and referred to as female, dating is super awkward since sex is something I would probably never do again in my lifetime and I am looking for a lifetime romantic companion rather than getting married and having/adopting children. I realize this path will lead to me having to cut off my family which is ok with me because they are anti lgbt controlling and mentally abusive. I am trying to take the steps to move out before my 28th birthday next year to start the process to transition irl. Is it wrong for me to be a trans guy I dunno, but it is what I am. I showed signs of it all throughout high school+,I always picked male characters in game, I tried to dress as less feminine as possible and wore a binder at work only for a long while. I do not feel like a girl ever, wearing dresses, being called she/her, my first dead birth name, my chest and body in general gives me dysphoria. I am sorry to the people I lied to since I came back to smogon about being a girl, because that is not true and it was me lying to myself and what I truly am. I am Zero, a trans guy and am proud of it.
