Social LGBTQIA+

So I've been looking for roommates for the fall for my last year at university. The thing is, I go to school in a red state, and kind of have a paranoia about being hatecrimed. As such, I've mostly been searching for roommates in LGBT spaces on campus. The problem being, those spaces, while important, I have found to be kind of insipid and not a great fit for what I am trying to use them for. As such, I'm interested in reaching out into spaces that are not necessarily LGBT-exclusive, but that also means that they are not necessarily LGBT-friendly. Having success with this is really important to me, as rooming with someone who is potentially right wing or politically ambivalent during an election year sounds nightmarish. Staying closeted is NOT an option. What ideas or suggestions do you have for finding roommates that work with my/our gay needs?
 
Chloe said:
hey

so i wasn't going to really post for this, especially because i'm not a huge fan of posting stuff about myself on forums. but i made this post almost four years ago now, and i've come a long way since then. all my friends know about me and are so supportive. my immediate family knows about me, and while they're not fully supportive, they're not stopping me from going ahead with it. everything has gotten a lot better since that post. i'm extremely fortunate to be in the situation i'm in, having the support networks i do, and having the people most close to me remain with me through it all.

the reason i'm posting today is because i finally, after all this time, started estrogen. i never thought in my wildest dreams i'd get this far, and on a much darker note i didn't think i'd live to see the day where i'd get to this point. to anyone struggling with their own gender identity, while it's hypocritical of me to say this, given how everything worked out for me, don't give up. don't give up on yourself. there are so many times within the last few years where i've told myself that transitioning isn't worth it, that i'll be unhappy regardless, that living a sad life as a cis male would be better than the dystopia trans people face within society. but i'm so glad i pushed through that, i'm so glad that i've gotten as far as i have. life may never be perfect, but this is undoubtedly the way for me to go about making it better.

i've gone through suicidal episodes in the past, i've been in really rough spots, but being where i am right now, with the people i care about, is really amazing and i can't help but feel happy. i'm so happy with the people i've met throughout the last few years, due to me coming out and sharing experiences with others. the people within this community truly are amazing wholesome people, and i'm beyond grateful that i've gotten to meet so many of you.

i'm scared this post is going to come off as me saying "hi look at me i'm so happy" but that's not the point at all. i just want to encourage others to stay strong and persist through the hard times. it's not easy, but it will get better. thank you for reading.
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Congrats for your transition, and about the second to last paragraph, metaphorical hugs to you and a warning that you and probably everybody here has probably heard and read a million times but is important to never forget. EVERYTHING HAS A SOLUTION, except the bullet that you just fired at your temple or the bottom of the bridge you just jumped off. NEVER EVER EVEN CONSIDER IT. If you EVER feel remotely like this, TALK TO SOMEONE IMMEDIATELY. Seek professional help.

"I instantly realized that everything in my life that I’d thought was unfixable was totally fixable— except for having just jumped." —Ken Baldwin, Golden Gate Bridge jump survivor
 
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Hi. I saw the title and thought I’d share here to maybe get a bit of perspective from folks who might have been there before.

I came out as gay years ago, but I haven’t been able to accept it. I don’t know why. Logically I know it’s not wrong but deep down....I don’t know. But I think the issue might be more complex than that.

I guess it comes down to video games. I usually play the female characters because something about it just feels right in a way nothing else does. Sometimes I play the effeminate men too but those are rare since men are usually super jacked and coded masculine. I still recall one time I played X and Y and I started a girl. I had got into the point in the game where I could buy decent clothes and found the perfect outfit. When the screen shifted to show the full display I felt a bolt of lighting strike through me, like for a moment that was me. Then fear follower as to what it might mean.

Now in the present I’m confused as to what it all means, why it feels so right to be a lady in the games.
 
MachineAngelXIII said:
Hi. I saw the title and thought I’d share here to maybe get a bit of perspective from folks who might have been there before.

I came out as gay years ago, but I haven’t been able to accept it. I don’t know why. Logically I know it’s not wrong but deep down....I don’t know. But I think the issue might be more complex than that.

I guess it comes down to video games. I usually play the female characters because something about it just feels right in a way nothing else does. Sometimes I play the effeminate men too but those are rare since men are usually super jacked and coded masculine. I still recall one time I played X and Y and I started a girl. I had got into the point in the game where I could buy decent clothes and found the perfect outfit. When the screen shifted to show the full display I felt a bolt of lighting strike through me, like for a moment that was me. Then fear follower as to what it might mean.

Now in the present I’m confused as to what it all means, why it feels so right to be a lady in the games.
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Your experiences aren't abnormal. I knew for a long time before that I was queer in someway, but the term/idea of being gay or bi didn't seem quite correct for me. It sometimes does take other identities longer to come to fruition, but it doesn't make them any less valid.

If I may, I'd recommend trying to do some more minute feminine things. Maybe maintain a close shave for a while. Maybe grow your hair out. Maybe paint your nails with clear nail polish. Maybe shave your legs and use fragrant lotions. If anyone asks, excuses for these are easy to make up.

Doing small activities like these are a good and low-risk ways to experiment with your identity. Ultimately, only you can know who you are.
 
MachineAngelXIII said:
Hi. I saw the title and thought I’d share here to maybe get a bit of perspective from folks who might have been there before.

I came out as gay years ago, but I haven’t been able to accept it. I don’t know why. Logically I know it’s not wrong but deep down....I don’t know. But I think the issue might be more complex than that.

I guess it comes down to video games. I usually play the female characters because something about it just feels right in a way nothing else does. Sometimes I play the effeminate men too but those are rare since men are usually super jacked and coded masculine. I still recall one time I played X and Y and I started a girl. I had got into the point in the game where I could buy decent clothes and found the perfect outfit. When the screen shifted to show the full display I felt a bolt of lighting strike through me, like for a moment that was me. Then fear follower as to what it might mean.

Now in the present I’m confused as to what it all means, why it feels so right to be a lady in the games.
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Speaking as someone who almost exclusively uses girls in games when given the option (and who cross-dresses a lot in Animal Crossing), this is something I can sympathise with. When I was younger (17–18 maybe?) I sorta assumed it was something that I used as an escape mechanism—after all, what better way to escape yourself is there than to play as your direct opposite—but more recently, especially over the past two years or so, I have found myself questioning whether there is any underlying meaning behind it more and more. As an additional point, I also tend to find myself responding better to, and relating more closely with, female characters in media than I do to male characters, and I generally perceive myself to be very feminine, although that might just be because of my general reservedness and personal perception of what it means to be feminine. I also often fantasise about wearing a dress in public or going to an event cosplaying as a girl from an anime or video game I like, as much out of curiosity as anything else—I would like to, someday, feel comfortable enough to walk around in a dress, even if it’s only in the privacy of my own home.

I think it’s worth remembering that there is a disconnect between the world of the games and the world that your head lives in. It can be very difficult to identify exactly where the line between you as a player and you as your character lies, and it isn’t something that you can figure out solely by playing video games. Try experimenting with things like cross-dressing and/or any of the things the user above me mentioned in order to get a feel for exactly how you feel in a situation where you are undeniably in the mind-state of “you” and use those to slowly feel out exactly who you are. If you don’t feel comfortable jumping straight in with more stereotypically feminine things, it may be worth meeting yourself halfway on something—maybe try wearing a kilt as a step before a skirt, or consider tying your hair back without letting it grow much longer than you would normally let it, and the shaving suggestion from Unicorns is also a good example of something less committal like this.

This experimentation can be scary and daunting, despite the low-risk nature of a lot of these things, and you may even find you’re not interested in a lot of them. I’ve still not mustered up the courage to, say, pick out a dress to wear in a shop changing room (i.e. in total privacy), and I’ve never really had even a passing interest in things like makeup and nail varnish. While I feel comfortable with the idea that I’m probably a straight male, I don’t feel like I’ve really given myself enough opportunities to experiment with things that, while very material on paper, I think will help me get a better feel for my identity, and as such I’m always uncertain about exactly who or what I am, and I always find my mind cluttering up with introspection.

Sorry if this is fairly wishy-washy. This is something that I’ve been sitting on for a while—I guess I was probably waiting for a good excuse to talk about it. I hope you’re able to glean something that might help from this post, even if it’s only something small.
 
I don’t think I can tie my hair back in any way since it’s mostly just needles, even when it grows out you can’t really tie it back.

As for the experimenting, it is scary. I mean I don’t really know about makeup since it sounds like work and I don’t like putting stuff on my face (sunblock is an exception but that’s because I need it). I guess it’s more like the outfits. I was jealous of women’s clothing growing up and some of the fashion I saw. The shoes look nice but when I think about walking in heels it sounds painful. I guess for me video games is the safer place for me to play this out. Because I guess I feel....pretty when I play the characters, like my dreams come true for a fleeting moment.
 
Hi everyone. It’s kinda weird around here. I spent years trying to convince myself I am a boy but kinda I can’t hide it anymore. I have watched countless of nude videos of girls and trying to rub my penis to think that I’m a boy. But now I can’t take it anymore. Yes, in this morning I saw a friend of mine who is a boy. Sitting next to him, my body was shaking hard. He’s kind of cute. But I know it’s not right for me to love him, he would hate me. So, I kept it as a secret because I have a little belief that I was still a boy if I like one boy right? But, the pressure of my life I can’t hide it anymore. The more I hid it inside myself, the more I would suffer. So, yeah, today I am a girl. I’m seeking advices from people that fully accepted trans. My parents don’t like gays. So it would be nice if someone knew my parents won’t tell them I am a gay. I currently have much of conflicts about my identity inside myself.
 
I might be understanding wrong but aren't you describing sexuality and not dysphoria exactly? it's possible that you're just experiencing same-sex attraction, it certainly is possible to be a guy that likes other guys.

Getting involved with online communities like this is a great step anyways, it gives you a chance to be yourself in a space where others accept you regardless of who you are. Keeping everything bottled up ultimately just leads to worse mental problems and at times actual physical harm to yourself so it's always best to talk about how you feel even if it's just venting to an online chat/forum.

I would say that if you don't have accepting parents then it's probably best that you don't tell them until you're in a safe position where you can at least have somewhere to fall back on should a particularly bad outcome happen. My best advice is to just explore and learn who and what you are, that might take a while and a lot of self-assessing but the key is to understand the things you feel, be it an issue of sexuality or gender. Talking to others is a great way of just filling in gaps that you aren't able to figure out for yourself.
 
Hey y'all, want to introduce myself in here:

I'm an asexual agender demiromantic person: figured out i was asexual late october, agender late december, demiromantic late december as well. I've came out to everyone i know online, but not at all IRL. I've found an SO.

I concur with Nalei about your situation Puppies. I don't have a ton to add.
corey, nice.
 
I've thought about making a post here for a while now so here I go, trying not to get too long winded.

This past summer I did a lot of thinking about my sexuality. Probably stemming from my college graduation and realization of the "real world" looming over the horizon. A lot of my friends are part of the LGBQT+ community, and I probably also started thinking about it because of them. Anyway, I realized over the summer that I was bi, and have only come out recently to a few select friends. I know now by putting it on the internet that I'm sure someone will somehow connect it to me but it's not that big of a deal.

I think I've known for a few years now, but I would only be really honest about it when intoxicated at parties. I've been in my current relationship for just over 4 years now with my amazing girlfriend, who also came out as bi around 3 years ago. I think the thing that had been holding me back from accepting it was that I've only ever had relationships with female-identifying partners, and I didn't think I was queer enough to be bi. I can't pin down the exact moment that I knew, but I finally just admitted it, and even now I'm still working through exactly what bisexuality is for me. I'm going to be a teacher some day. I know most students would rather not discuss things like sexuality or gender with a teacher, especially since I won't even be a health teacher. However, I think that if I teach my students anything it's that they're still growing and figuring things out. It's okay to be confused, especially in your teens. I'm 23 right now and I still don't have all my shit figured out.

So idk, if you're reading this and you still don't know exactly how you feel, just know that it's okay, you have time and no one has the same schedule. I'm sure that's a message that has been said time and time again in this thread, but I just have to say it again and hope to relieve the pressure that some stressed out teenager(s) are feeling. And if you're the opposite and know exactly what you want, then don't let anyone stand in the way of it.
 
A friend I made at uni asked me about detransitioning because they were considering it. It was a pretty chill conversation, but it's left a big impact on me.

I'm so happy I've been open about this. I'm happy that I can raise awareness, educate people, and let them know that it's okay to consider it and think about their own journey. It's heartwarming.

My ex has come out as non-binary and we've had discussions about the future and what they might want if they decide they want to medically transition, and it just feels good being able to help people, you know? It feels great! I've been shortlisted to be an LGBT representative & organizer at my university, too, which means I can be more active in organising events and interacting with people. We've had LGBT speakers before, and I'd love to do a small event on detransitioning and things around that because it's not something people hear about often. I'm going to try to have events centred on gnc women & transmasc people, too.

It's all exciting! I hope everyone's been well.
 
Nalei said:
This is regrettably untrue in most sports. Trans women, however long they've been on HRT, have different bone structures than cis women which manifests itself in (on average) greater height, hand and foot size, bone density, and leverages. HRT also will only reduce, not nullify, any training done while still having male hormone levels. This is (sadly) a controversial topic so I won't delve too much into it here but I think that it's both dangerous and unnecessary to act as though trans women are physically the same as biological females.
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So should we ban tall women from sports too, or just make them play with men?
 
Men and women are physically different, it goes a bit beyond height, the structures of our bodies are different, it's the main reason why sports are separated between men and women to begin with. It's a main reason why a top level female tennis player can lose to a good male tennis player, they are physically incomparable and there are inherent advantages to men in most sports.
 
Tenshi said:
Men and women are physically different, it goes a bit beyond height :x
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Let's have that conversation then. I'm going to assume you've already read the article and other relevant literature.

What athletic disparities exist between men and women that don't already exist naturally within each sex and aren't nullified by hormone therapy?

Edit: You quoting yourself making a vague, unsourced statement isn't evidence.
 
Goddddddd not this discourse again. Just about every rule people make up to exclude trans people from competing also ends up hurting cis people in the long run, too. Cause honestly those rules are arbitrary and oppressive for people with like, remotely diverse bodies, trans or otherwise. Bodies are just too diverse to fit whatever rules people try to impose on them. For every trans woman who's sent death threats if she competes, there's a cis woman barred from competing because her body naturally produces "male" testosterone levels, and she must be juicing. These stories come up all the time and it's ridiculous. Chromosomes, genitals, hormone levels, chest size. You name it, there's someone who's been shafted by supposedly fair rules that just so happen to exclude trans people. Look up cis women with Y chromosomes for just one example. But even if these exceptions didn't exist, and transmisogynists weren't shifting the goalposts for womanhood / who is allowed to compete all the time, trans women should still be allowed to compete, since it's been agreed upon for a while now that trans women on HRT perform within a similar range to cis women. The careers of Rachel McKinnon and Jillian Bearden are pretty well-documented in that regard. IDK the more you look into this stuff, the more you see how unenforceable and arbitrary the restrictions imposed on athletes' bodies are, and how that intersects with the abitrary restrictions placed on trans women's bodies. Basically, lay tf off y'all. Trans women are women.
 
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Nalei said:
However, this doesn't change the fact that within our current (albeit partially broken) system, trans women participating in the women's division (...) creates an unfair playing field. And why not ban the genetic outliers such as "tall women?" Quite simply because the highest levels of sport are defined by the winners of the genetic lottery meaning that banning the especially strong or tall cis women would be to radically reconfigure the division itself.
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see this is why i just dont buy the whole "trans women shouldn't participate in the top of women's divisions" stuff. competitive sports are inherently ridden with inequalities, they can never even approach an equal playing field. so why ban trans women? as a trans person, i figure you must be acutely aware of how rife with transphobia our society is, so it shouldn't come as too much of a surprise that the people arguing against the inclusion of trans women are doing it on the basis that they simply don't consider trans women to be "real" women. it has nothing to do with "fairness." don't give in to this disingenuous narrative.

on a related, brighter note: a trans male athlete just made history by qualifying for the olympics!
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https://twitter.com/x/status/1221196842219606016
 
TheValkyries said:
Technically speaking, since no other person can share an individuals nonbinary identity (by definition), then all relationships involving nonbinary people are heterosexual.

So sorry you had to find out this way.
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Well technically, couldn't two agender people have the same identity and be in a relationship, thus implying that it is homosexual?

Also, on the note of gay relationships: me and my gf consider our relationship gay, since I'm like somewhat more fem than masc (i identify as agender, but am questioning and think i might be a trans woman), so...there's definitely precedent.


Also: questioning gender is the big fun /s
 
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