me, circa 2024, pressing my button
Hello Girls and Gamers.
You have probably never heard of me.
Good.
I am here to announce that I have now dropped 300 of the worst posts on Smogon. God Bless.
I am also here today with the permission of UT to spread the gospel behind
And now I present to thee: Eject Button Spam ft. Cobalion.
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click your favourite pokemon here for the paste :D
or click here if ur boring https://pokepast.es/5fc72f7b744c96b4
How does it work you might ask? I don't have a clue. I imagine it goes something along the lines of crash BANG "ooh look at me i am ejecting" and then Cobalion is all like nyeeeooow "Get beamed idiot." and then he Steel Beams everywhere.
I'm joking obviously
...unless?
Anyway here's the beat drop
Cobalion
Imagine my surprise when I found out it actually does nothing on this team except look funny. I identify heavily with this trait and that's why it's on the team.
the 1 (Cobalion) @ Life Orb
Ability: Magic Guard
EVs: 252 Atk / 168 SpA / 88 Spe
Naive Nature
- Close Combat
- Steel Beam
- Volt Switch
- Stealth Rock
It'll
It's important to know what sets this Pokemon above the others. You might be thinking, "haven't you just explained that?",
No.
I haven't.
The most important thing about this set is that it has the funniest move in all of Pokemon on it. You must maniacally type "Get Beamed, Idiot." in chat WHENEVER you click the funny button. It is a rule. I have thrown COUNTLESS games clicking Steel Beam instead of the correct button.
and I'll throw countless more.
Garchomp
Yippee its TankChomp, but AAA flavoured, daring today aren't we?
exile (Garchomp) @ Eject Button
Ability: Regenerator
EVs: 248 HP / 8 Def / 252 SpD
Sassy Nature
- Spikes
- Dragon Tail
- Earthquake
- Fire Blast
Walking Wake
Anyone who knows me will know that I REALLY HATE WALKING WAKE I HATE THIS POKEMON I THINK ITS DISGUSTING I HATE IT
tis the damn season (Walking Wake) @ Choice Specs
Ability: Primordial Sea
EVs: 4 Atk / 252 SpA / 252 Spe
Rash Nature
- Weather Ball
- Draco Meteor
- Knock Off
- Flip Turn
"Ooh look at me I'm way too fast and I do way too much damage" fuck you. you make me sick.
Knock Off is here for RegenVest Manaphy, DesoLand HDB Iron Moth, and also helps with Empoleon too. Flip Turn once again aligns with the pivot heavy identity of the team.
Walking Wake is one of the largest beneficiaries of the ping-pong-like pivoting this team has, as it struggles to get itself into battle.
Roaring Moon
Completing the other half of our star-crossed Choice-locked lovers is the Yin to Wake's Yang; Roaring Moon. While Walking Wake traditionally enjoys the sun, Roaring Moon is instead one with the darkness. I think. There's a really good fan-fiction in here somewhere. You guys should know what he does by now.
closure (Roaring Moon) @ Choice Band
Ability: Sword of Ruin
EVs: 252 Atk / 4 SpD / 252 Spe
Jolly Nature
- Knock Off
- Outrage
- Earthquake
- U-turn
Why does it have Earthquake you might ask? I don't know, but UT does.
As one of the only potent sources of Physical damage on this team good positioning is highly important in getting the most value from Roaring Moon here. Earthquake is important as a means to hit Pokemon like Tinkaton and Heatran who it would otherwise struggle with.
Corviknight
This fricking Pokemon man. Time and time again you think, it's finally done, it's reign of terror is over. But it never is.
my tears ricochet (Corviknight) @ Eject Button
Ability: Fluffy
Shiny: Yes
EVs: 248 HP / 8 Atk / 252 Def
Relaxed Nature
IVs: 0 Spe
- U-turn
- Defog
- Brave Bird
- Roost
Every. Single. physical. Attack. not from a Fire-type. Bounces. Off.
Much like Garchomp, our resident eater's goal is to come in, gobble an attack, and keep that momentum rolling. Defog is critical for this team to function against hazard-stack. Brave Bird does a Surprising Amount of Damage. It is imperative to be aware of the fact that Knock Off does not trigger Eject Button, heartbreakingly.
Azelf
I love this Pokemon. I am outrageously addicted to the energy given from leading this little goober and either clicking U-turn or killing something turn one. On a team where the entire philosophy is balls-to-the-walls, high momentum, button clicking, esportstm gameplay, nothing sets the tone quite like Azelf.
willow (Azelf) @ Choice Scarf
Ability: Psychic Surge
Shiny: Yes
EVs: 252 SpA / 4 SpD / 252 Spe
Timid Nature
- Expanding Force
- U-turn
- Dazzling Gleam
- Trick
And that's all folks..
Wait a minute-?
BY GOD THAT'S BELLIBOLT'S MUSIC!
Bellibolt
Bellibolt @ Belliboltite
Ability: Dark Twisted Overlord
Shiny: You bet your ass it's shiny
Tera Type: wait what do you mean it can tera? this is an OM??
EVs: 252 HP / 252 Atk / 252 Def / 252 SpA / 252 SpD / 252 Spe
All-Powerful Nature
- Belly's Wrath
- Zeus' Lightning (Discharge)
- Slack Off
- Toxic
actually.. I- I think I've got something..
Friendship.
That's right folks. It's time for me to get sappy. I've been on Smogon for a relatively short amount of time compared to many of the people that I've had the pleasure of getting to know these past few months. And in spite of how it may seem I am quite honestly terribly shy. I spent a long time on the fringes of this community, not interacting with anyone because I was scared. Scared of meeting new people, scared of not being liked, scared of being the "weird person" nobody wants to interact with.
And in all honesty it was a miracle that I made friends here at all. Because I'm really weird. I'm gonna take a minute to shout out a few people who have been there for me, and who I hope I can be there for in kind.
rattlemebonez - You'll never see this but I don't care. You are my best friend. You will always be my best friend. That is contractually bound. You mean so much to me, and I don't think you know it. I'm not very good at saying it. You always brighten my day, always pick me up when I'm down, and are always there for me. It kills me that we are a continent apart.
scionicle - Spencer, buddy, I love you. I have never met, and will never meet someone as committed to helping other people out, and making other people happy as you are. I have messaged you at all hours of the day for the most inane and asinine reasons, asking for help with the dumbest builds, and some of my stupidest thoughts and feelings, and never once have you complained. Your patience is astounding. I have absolutely zero doubt in my mind that you're gonna be one of the Draft GOATs by the time you're done. People are starting to see it.
Scribble - I preferred Dartrix - Joker. I look up to you and Spencer so much. When people ask me what my 'goals' are with Pokemon, I always say "I wanna be as good as Scribble is", and I mean it, it's the worst goal I could ever have set because you're still fucking improving and you show no signs of stopping. You are one of the smartest people I've ever met, are unbearably good at all the games I've seen you play, and your girlfriend is an icon. Life's not fair. I will always be your #1 Fan.
SolarBeam - Soley moley! Your rise to supersoldom is going "Sol far sol good!". You were introduced to me as the "guy that got ratio'd on Twitter and made it his life goal to be a Twitter presence" and from what I've seen, that desire to be the best at what you do is relentless. It's infectious too. You're already one of the greatest GP staff the site has ever seen and you have no limit from here. C2GS supremacy, we will run Smogon one day.
Mqgnetic & Big Pharma - you two are some of the funniest people I know. Please never change.
Nyx - I owe a lot to you. I genuinely probably would have stopped playing in tours, left the Draft Discord, and moved on with my life entirely if you didn't randomly invite me to be tournament staff one day. Crazy how I went from that to hanging out in a coffee shop with you on a windy day in London. Life really does move fast. It's funny because we don't actually talk all that much but whenever we do its like nothing has ever changed.
p.s. Team UK are gonna kill it with you at the helm. #MyCaptain
Luxanse - I love you so much that I'll forgive you for that AirBnB. Even though I could barely get my door to close. I may still be ass at the game but I am 10x less ass than I was before almost entirely because of your advice and your willingness to help me even when I'm difficult to give advice to and annoying. You're one of the kindest people I know. You're also my WCoP icon LOL go kill 'em dead with the Dutch.
RauVGC - Two Scots against the world, huh? You're one of the sweetest people I have ever met. Hilarious that if one of us weren't Scottish we probably never would have ever been friends. Funny how the world works. Tribalism is very much real.
Theia & UT - You two are two of the first friends I made in the Smogon community. Your love of AAA was infectious and while, yes, I am easily influenced, I am eternally grateful that it was you two who influenced me. You are both icons to me.
corvere - ILY. You have taught me so much, I am eternally appreciative of your words of encouragement and support. Hell, you even managed to make me look like a competent Ubers player for a while! I adore chatting to you. x
Lily - When I grow up I wanna be Lily. Which is funny because I'm pretty sure I'm older. You're SO COOL. and SO FUNNY. it should be ILLEGAL. You're one of those legendary gacha pulls of friendship because someone with your sense of humour is one in a million. Or whatever the going rate is nowadays for a 5* roll.
SEA - I literally just decided we were friends one day. And I was right to do that. It's probably the only reason someone as effortlessly cool and talented as you would ever want to waste your time talking to me. Can a Gen 3 girl and a SV Draft girl ever be friends? - Yes. Yes they can.
Flying Beagle - Beagle, my love. You brighten my day. When I see an unread message from Flying.Beagle I open that message faster than a kid opens their presents on Christmas Day. Your Jazz tracks are the music of my heart.
Hacker -
Paying Attenton & JukeInTheBox - You guys are my favourite cyber-stalkers. I'd happily talk to you at any hour of the day, no matter how weird you guys are. Jokes aside you two are precious to me, you always manage to pick me up and always manage to make me feel good about the things I am insecure about. You even sat in a call with me for 2 hours to fix Baldurs Gate because I had somehow managed to corrupt 400 mods by accident. That's true friendship.
OKAY, FINE
Hacker - idk why but one day you randomly decided you were gonna be my biggest hater, and decided to follow me around relentlessly. I don't know why you did it, but I'm glad you did. I'm very happy to have gotten to meet you, you took a chance on me in PWS and though I didn't manage to repay that, I will always be appreciative of what I learned and the people you introduced me to through it. You're like the little brother I still don't really want but I have now. Thanks.
never tell me to stop posting cringe ever again though. it's literally all i have.
Lindwurm - You're such a troll. I genuinely feel like I cant say anything nice about you because you'll make fun of me for it. But you're a big sweetheart deep down, and I love talking to you.
abriel - Abriel. You rock. I hope that I can be there for you in the same way that you are always so supportive of me. You're one of the only people who I actually feel comfortable doing 'real talk' with, and I NEVER do real talk. That's one of the highest honours I can bestow upon a person, and you have earned it tenfold.
SoggyDoggySage - It's all about the SoggyDoggySageDifference baby. You're genuinely so inspiring to me, I'll always look up to you.
AND NOW OTHER PEOPLE I LOVE:
Happygate a fairy zoe nya - sexy ass WOMEN
ultraplayer Thomas18 Rissoux ComputerWhiz - MY mod team love u guys
TPP - post this frieren
Deranged_Lime - GREEN
Larry Dave - you guys rock, dave ur so inspiring and your advice meant a lot to me, larry u gave me the courage to win my first ever team tour game and I will always appreciate you for giving me the chance
Vertigo - go to bed
Slowpoke Fan - i love slowpoke almost as much as i love you
olivia7c - I wouldn't be where I am today, without you babe.
scionicle - Spencer, buddy, I love you. I have never met, and will never meet someone as committed to helping other people out, and making other people happy as you are. I have messaged you at all hours of the day for the most inane and asinine reasons, asking for help with the dumbest builds, and some of my stupidest thoughts and feelings, and never once have you complained. Your patience is astounding. I have absolutely zero doubt in my mind that you're gonna be one of the Draft GOATs by the time you're done. People are starting to see it.
Scribble - I preferred Dartrix - Joker. I look up to you and Spencer so much. When people ask me what my 'goals' are with Pokemon, I always say "I wanna be as good as Scribble is", and I mean it, it's the worst goal I could ever have set because you're still fucking improving and you show no signs of stopping. You are one of the smartest people I've ever met, are unbearably good at all the games I've seen you play, and your girlfriend is an icon. Life's not fair. I will always be your #1 Fan.
SolarBeam - Soley moley! Your rise to supersoldom is going "Sol far sol good!". You were introduced to me as the "guy that got ratio'd on Twitter and made it his life goal to be a Twitter presence" and from what I've seen, that desire to be the best at what you do is relentless. It's infectious too. You're already one of the greatest GP staff the site has ever seen and you have no limit from here. C2GS supremacy, we will run Smogon one day.
Mqgnetic & Big Pharma - you two are some of the funniest people I know. Please never change.
Nyx - I owe a lot to you. I genuinely probably would have stopped playing in tours, left the Draft Discord, and moved on with my life entirely if you didn't randomly invite me to be tournament staff one day. Crazy how I went from that to hanging out in a coffee shop with you on a windy day in London. Life really does move fast. It's funny because we don't actually talk all that much but whenever we do its like nothing has ever changed.
p.s. Team UK are gonna kill it with you at the helm. #MyCaptain
Luxanse - I love you so much that I'll forgive you for that AirBnB. Even though I could barely get my door to close. I may still be ass at the game but I am 10x less ass than I was before almost entirely because of your advice and your willingness to help me even when I'm difficult to give advice to and annoying. You're one of the kindest people I know. You're also my WCoP icon LOL go kill 'em dead with the Dutch.
RauVGC - Two Scots against the world, huh? You're one of the sweetest people I have ever met. Hilarious that if one of us weren't Scottish we probably never would have ever been friends. Funny how the world works. Tribalism is very much real.
Theia & UT - You two are two of the first friends I made in the Smogon community. Your love of AAA was infectious and while, yes, I am easily influenced, I am eternally grateful that it was you two who influenced me. You are both icons to me.
corvere - ILY. You have taught me so much, I am eternally appreciative of your words of encouragement and support. Hell, you even managed to make me look like a competent Ubers player for a while! I adore chatting to you. x
Lily - When I grow up I wanna be Lily. Which is funny because I'm pretty sure I'm older. You're SO COOL. and SO FUNNY. it should be ILLEGAL. You're one of those legendary gacha pulls of friendship because someone with your sense of humour is one in a million. Or whatever the going rate is nowadays for a 5* roll.
SEA - I literally just decided we were friends one day. And I was right to do that. It's probably the only reason someone as effortlessly cool and talented as you would ever want to waste your time talking to me. Can a Gen 3 girl and a SV Draft girl ever be friends? - Yes. Yes they can.
Flying Beagle - Beagle, my love. You brighten my day. When I see an unread message from Flying.Beagle I open that message faster than a kid opens their presents on Christmas Day. Your Jazz tracks are the music of my heart.
Hacker -
Paying Attenton & JukeInTheBox - You guys are my favourite cyber-stalkers. I'd happily talk to you at any hour of the day, no matter how weird you guys are. Jokes aside you two are precious to me, you always manage to pick me up and always manage to make me feel good about the things I am insecure about. You even sat in a call with me for 2 hours to fix Baldurs Gate because I had somehow managed to corrupt 400 mods by accident. That's true friendship.
OKAY, FINE
Hacker - idk why but one day you randomly decided you were gonna be my biggest hater, and decided to follow me around relentlessly. I don't know why you did it, but I'm glad you did. I'm very happy to have gotten to meet you, you took a chance on me in PWS and though I didn't manage to repay that, I will always be appreciative of what I learned and the people you introduced me to through it. You're like the little brother I still don't really want but I have now. Thanks.
never tell me to stop posting cringe ever again though. it's literally all i have.
Lindwurm - You're such a troll. I genuinely feel like I cant say anything nice about you because you'll make fun of me for it. But you're a big sweetheart deep down, and I love talking to you.
abriel - Abriel. You rock. I hope that I can be there for you in the same way that you are always so supportive of me. You're one of the only people who I actually feel comfortable doing 'real talk' with, and I NEVER do real talk. That's one of the highest honours I can bestow upon a person, and you have earned it tenfold.
SoggyDoggySage - It's all about the SoggyDoggySageDifference baby. You're genuinely so inspiring to me, I'll always look up to you.
AND NOW OTHER PEOPLE I LOVE:
Happygate a fairy zoe nya - sexy ass WOMEN
ultraplayer Thomas18 Rissoux ComputerWhiz - MY mod team love u guys
TPP - post this frieren
Deranged_Lime - GREEN
Larry Dave - you guys rock, dave ur so inspiring and your advice meant a lot to me, larry u gave me the courage to win my first ever team tour game and I will always appreciate you for giving me the chance
Vertigo - go to bed
Slowpoke Fan - i love slowpoke almost as much as i love you
olivia7c - I wouldn't be where I am today, without you babe.
thanks for reading my inane and deranged ramblings there will be more good yard
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