In all honesty? I was severely depressed. I went after absolutely insane videogame achievements for three reasons:
1: Because of the sheer difficulty of said achievements, focusing on them meant it was basically impossible to focus on anything else...like, say, how much the awful feelings were burying me.
2: Good old fashioned social approval. Didn't help a ton, but knowing people were impressed by what I did...well, it did help somewhat, at least.
3: The high I got when I actually pulled it off was the only time I was ever able to feel genuine happiness about
anything. It generally only lasted a short while, but at least it was a reprieve.
I was basically chasing a high, but without the drugs (because good luck affording drugs on my income, lol). I'd have to go after achievements that were more and more insane, eventually reaching a point where I did
this, which is so ridiculous that even ten years later, I'm still the only person who's
ever done it. Did it feel amazing? Sure. For a couple hours, if that.
Nowadays the depression is actually being properly managed, and I've become a filthy casual as a result, lol. I'm nowhere near as good as I was then, but...that's okay. Top-tier skills for genuine contentment with my life is a trade I'd make again, a million times over, with no hesitation whatsoever. Heck, bringing it up at all feels kind of weird, like...imagine talking about the lowest point in your life and feeling like you're bragging about it, lmao.
Thanks for reading this ridiculous ramble from a random girl on the internet you've probably never heard of before ^-^;