It's been a ride with Teal Mask. This thread has been home to some top-tier insane psych ward posts and also some serious heat that kept me along with the meta for this long. I like pretty much all of the regulars here, even the ones I disagree with on everything, so thanks for being cool guys.
That being said, here's my Top Ten OU Pokemon I Think That I, The Poster Return to Zero, Could Beat In A Fight, Ranked In Order Of Who Would Put Up The Biggest Fight
10.
Psychic/Fairy STAB and really powerful options to set up scare me, but this thing is also extremely slow. I have absolute confidence that I would be able to act faster than it, pick it up by the long string thingy on its head, and throw it like an Olympic hammer.
9.
I'm not stupid. Rillaboom, being an actual gorilla, is. I would rig the field ahead of time after issuing it a formal challenge to duel to be soaked in gasoline, so that when it enters and it becomes Grassy Terrain, I could simply drop a lighter on the ground and watch it and its win condition go up in flames. Dishonorable? Of course. But I, being the morally grey antihero of SV OU Metagame Discussion, am not above such things.
8.
You may be wondering how this thing managed to place above the last two, given what a passive blob it is. It's down to two things: Alomomola has a shit ton of HP so my arms might get tired from punching it over and over, and I've been scalded pretty badly in real life before so I'd naturally be hesitant to risk the experience again. But it is ultimately passive and a blob, so I'd win the battle of attrition.
7.
Similar to Hatterene, I would be able to disable and defeat it due to its low Speed and my ability to grab an extruding appendage and throw it. The feat is more difficult here due to Enamorus being a Flying type and therefore I would have to hurt it with the throw itself than the fall.
Enamorus Incarnate would absolutely smoke me though.
6.
I'm an American. The amount of salt composing Garganacl is probably equivalent to one and one third of a Hungry Man microwave dinner. I could put away this thing easily and still not be any more fast tracked to high cholesterol than I already am.
5.
Also a passive blob, but even blobbier and less passive. One Seismic Toss could easily put an end to me, so I'd play it safe and go for darting punches while avoiding its tiny four-inch bean arms to not get thrown into orbit. I like my odds though. I'm not super in shape, but my weight's healthy. I can move around well. Plus, I've been studying the nuances of what makes a Mega Punch versus what makes a Dynamic Punch so I can use the nuances of reality to hit Blissey super effectively.
4.
The upper echelon of Pokemon I could reasonably see myself defeating by picking it up by a tentacle-lookin thingie and throwing it. For Acid Armor sets though, I'd just pick it up and spin it around until it was knocked out from the dizziness.
3:
Skeledirge was my starter this generation, and if there's one thing I know about Skeledirge, it's stupid. Real dumb. Nothing in that head but air and love. If I slapped Skeledirge's cheek with my glove, not only would it not know what the act means, but the fire coming out of its mouth would probably burn the glove on contact. Skeledirge would obliviously forfeit, and I would win on default. I've decided I'm more of like a trickster neutral entity than a grim antihero for this example.
2
Yes, really. Kingambit is all about mindgames. I just have to correctly guess what it's doing and punch it when it's not trying to punch me and it won't be able to get off that stupud chair. Its Pokedex entry states that Kingambit isn't actually much of a tactician and just uses overwhelming strength and numbers to win fights, so I expect it to only be as hard to predict as an 1100 player using it.
1
My fiercest rival, and greatest friend. Gholdengo and I are star-crossed lovers but also star-crossed haters. It's immune to the two types I as a human can reasonably use against it, Normal and Fighting, and it knows this. It's chill. Gholdengo's too happy-go-lucky to really be invested in this fight. It's half-mentoring me, really. Watching me improve over the course of the match, pushing me to my limit but never breaking me. Training me for the single moment in the fight I eclipse it. Where something in me changes, a fire in my eyes starts where it wasn't before, and I nail it with an attack it wasn't able to dodge. In that moment, he and I are the only beings left alive in the world, dancing and perfectly matching against each other, no longer caring why we're fighting and only thinking of the high. Grateful that such a moment can exist and give our lives meaning. And when it's over, and I've finally taken him down, the only strength between us left being in my final blow, Gholdengo smiles. And I smile. Because for the first time, in a dull world of ideologies bigger than any human can conceive of, nations that exist on a scale beyond life, concepts and constructions that impose artificial order on our lives... two people were able to understand each other in the purest, truest way possible. Gholdengo is my friend. And that is why we must fight.
...Uh, wait, can we add this to the list of top ten yaoi ships-
? I suck and my teams keep getting pounded by 
This is my fav Gen 9 mon and I remember when leaks happened it was written off as shitty fraud Kyurem. Boy oh boy were they wrong. Bax is one of the dumbest sweepers OU has ever made outside of the obviously outrageous shit like Annihilape. SD Scale Shot? GAS. DD Glaive Rush? GAS? Slapping a raw ass Band and going ham? GAS GAS GAS!!!! What the hell OU Council FREE BAXCALIBUR!!!!!!
I love Great Tusk. Watching it's role in the meta game hyper develop over the course of 1 year in a rapidly chamging format is fascinating, especially since in this case Tusk isn't really a broken aspect of the metagame, just a really good one. Going from being a rare face to THE Pokemon to its current role in DLC 1 as a ever present but easily handleable threat that checks alot is so cool.
Mon is broken as fuck bro FUCK DIRE CLAW FUCK UNBURDEN 130 ATTACK AND FUCK TERA.
Very annoying, and deserving of the ban. If you told me Gliscor with No Roost but Spikes instead would be Ubers last Gen I'd shit my pants in laughter but here we are. I didn't think this would be good even in DLC 1's launch. But lord....
What a chad. Pivoting around setting Future Sight, Snow or Toxic Spikes what ever required. I particularly despise TWave variants like what the hell is your issue?!? Phenomenal SpD pivot I love using it.
Nasty ass sweeper. I like the mon but I think it should be worthy of discussion for a suspect. Its been a longtime coming imo.
Spikes Rocks
I love Zapdos. Its a pain to break but I love a challenge, and I LOVE using ut, swapping into dumb Close Combats and getting free Static proccs is what I live for. Glad an OG titan from olden days is still beating ass to this day.
finally, Stone Hit
Have aloe ready for your fingees against this thing
every other streak getting cut, thanks for contributing to this one continuing
Kicking Birds are funny. Also the FAIR Defog countermeasure
You'd think we're see more of the free-Burns Mon in a Meta full of dumb Physical
Haters gonna hate, Sun Water Raptor Sui-sus is the best OU Paradox
Still the best 485
The Tier's best Ice type
