Judge A Pokémon: Hoenn Heroes
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Welcome to the next Hoenn-themed JAP! This issue we cover Mega Salamence, Mega Metagross, Mega Latias, and Mega Sceptile, the competitive powerhouses of Hoenn. Danmire, Antemortem, and Aurora are on our panel as usual. As skylight is taking a break this issue, we're joined by Goddess Briyella, so welcome her! Now let's take a step back in time and find the top dog of the Hoenn competitive world.
Mega Salamence
I don't think I've ever seen anything quite like this. It appears Game Freak has unintentionally created what could be a model for future real-world military aircraft. They've taken Salamence and transformed it into this streamlined, aerodynamic, and determined-looking monstrosity. "Fuck two wings!" was evidently the thought that was running through the heads of Game Freak's designers, because Mega Salamence now sports only one enormous, razor-sharp wing. I suppose you could say it's a "cutting-edge" flight apparatus. With this in mind, though, there are questions that must be asked. Is Mega Salamence trying to tell us that, despite the advent of the Fairy type, Dragon-types are still frightening forces to behold? I've got no idea, because I haven't played competitive Pokémon since the beginning of B2W2, but it's a possibility, right?
Any laws of physics that the Pokémon world had yet to break before Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire were off-limits by no means in the creation of Mega Salamence. This dragon has undergone a transformation from beast to weapon in the blink of an eye, tucking its front legs into what is impossibly, yet so possibly, a naturally formed bulletproof vest. This probably helps keep it in the air because I imagine Mega Salamence's solo wing action makes it rather difficult to keep such a heavily enforced lower body aloft. It's a mystery how the hell the thing gets in the air in the first place. It has Aerilate as an ability, but it has nothing to fear if the thing needs a decent breeze to even get its fat ass off the ground. Mega Salamence is really cool at further inspection, though if you're a physicist, I suggest steering clear of it. Actually, just drop Pokémon altogether because none of us understand it, either.
While most Mega Pokémon are ridiculously unoriginal, with just having an extra layer of spikes here and there (I'm looking at you, Sharpedo and Aerodactyl), Mega Salamence is one of those Mega Evolutions where you have to stop and take your time to figure out what they were going for. Regular Salamence needs no introduction. It has that European Dragon look, with an almost snake-like head that has three spines coming from the sides. It'd almost be a Water-type if they added webbings to it. Along with its razor-looking wings and long tail, it is pretty obvious that it is based off a European Dragon. Mega Salamence, however, gives off a sort of futuristic take on the European Dragon. When we think of things that are futuristic, we get sort of sleek, compact designs. Its wings have morphed into one giant crescent-shaped wing, while its front limbs are tucked into its underbelly's shell. The tail has significantly shrunken. Another striking detail is its head. The head is now more slender, and the spines protrude a bit more, especially the top ones that give that sharp, spiky look, as if to help with its flying. I think this design is pretty cool on the direction it's going for. A new twist on Dragons, giving it off a sleek, calming look, Mega Salamence is quite the catch. 4.5/5
This is probably the dumbest Mega Evolution of them all, in my opinion. Salamencite makes what is clearly a dragon transform into what is clearly, by definition, a UFO. I can't tell if it's a jet plane or some kind of rocket, so it's definitely an unidentified flying object as far as I can tell. It's really not even a dragon anymore and the fact that it isn't a Steel-type despite its new appearance is something I find myself calling into question every time I see it. The fact that Salamence's body appears to become even smaller than that of Shelgon's is almost as unappealing as the fact that Salamence's wings become fused into some kind of crescent-shaped hang glider attachment. I know that Bagon dreamed of flying through the sky when it was young, but I don't think it aspired to become something this messed up; with that in consideration, I think I'll keep the Mega Stone away from my Salamence until I want to roleplay Star Fox or something.
Mega Metagross
Do you know somebody who was once relatively lean, then started going to the gym and suddenly experienced a meteoric rise in muscle mass and physical attractiveness? Perhaps the latter doesn't apply to Mega Metagross, but it has obviously been doing some work on its legs. Like this hypothetical individual, Mega Metagross hasn't really changed that much overall over time. That's a fact. For instance, it still has four "legs" and a somewhat similar "face". However, along with the weird spike that now protrudes from the bottom of Mega Metagross's face and an unexpected change in color and size of its facial "X", its "legs" seem to have grown significantly over the last decade, which allows it to use them to their full potential. Never skip leg day, kids.
Something really interesting went on with Metagross in the transition to Mega Metagross. I once had an uncle that experienced a mid-life crisis so he started eating healthy and grew an obnoxiously long goatee similar to that of Genie from Aladdin. Metagross underwent a similar evolution, except I can't help but to think Mega Metagross also has a Rey Mysterio vibe about it with the new "X" mask on its face. Don't get me wrong—I absolutely adore Mega Metagross in every way. It's incredibly fierce and its appearance perfectly punctuates its raw power. I just think that Mega Metagross is everything that its nephew Mikey the Metang fears becoming.
For some reason, Mega Metagross reminds me of some kind of futuristic mining machine. Is it because I watched a movie recently with said machines? Probably, but it still gives off that vibe. Metagross was already a ridiculously cool Pokémon in its own right in terms of design, being a gargantuan spider robot alien thing, but Mega Metagross ups the ante a little bit by appearing more menacing. Now that it is able to use all four of its large claws, "Mega"gross packs quite the punch. Its three little claws have now turned into huge, razor-sharp spikes (which is probably where the other part of the "mining" vibe comes from, as they also look as if they can scoop things from a mountain). Note that the large blunt X on its face has become larger, more slender, and has adopted a more golden color to it instead of the boring old silver. Mega Metagross is a interesting design, as it still keeps the old look of Metagross without being completely lazy. 4/5.
This thing is a mechanical demon spider from the nightmares of a traumatized science fiction nerd, and I love it. Not only does Metagross gain more limbs, but it also forms an X with its front limbs to go with the X on its face, which only further emphasizes its "Don't mess with me" expression. Having eight arms lets it continue its evolution pattern of doubling how many arms it has with every upgrade, so in a way, this is like an actual fourth stage for Metagross instead of a Mega Evolution. It's nice to know that Metagross finally learned how to perpetually levitate in battle with this new form, but it also makes me wonder how much more mutation it will require before its supposed levitation capabilities will allow it to actually avoid damage from Earthquake (the Magnezone family comes to mind here as well). All in all, Megagross is an awesome sight to behold as long as I can ignore that stupid random spike protruding from its chin for no reason.
Mega Latias
What on earth is this Pokémon? Never in my life have I seen such an awful-looking Pokémon introduced in any generation. Not only does Mega Latias eschew a perfectly good color scheme in favor of a bland lavender, but it appears Game Freak has done little else than exaggerate Mega Latias's stomach and 'hands' to the point of it looking borderline absurd. So far, I haven't seen one thing I like about this Pokémon. I haven't seen any sort of improvement over the design of vanilla Latias. I haven't seen anything but a desecration of a perfectly good Pokémon. I am absolutely and utterly appalled at what Game Freak has done here. Shame on it.
If you're familiar with the Looney Tunes episode, Hyde and Hare, you might be able to find many parallels in the transformations that Latias and Dr. Jekyll experienced. In this case, they both temporarily turned to monsters that completely skew their original image. Mega Latias dropped its sleek red design and took on an grossly vicious, purple beast that is completely unfitting of Latias, or Latios, for that matter. Unlike her older brother, however, Latias was the cute, feeble younger sister that was meant to remain oblivious her whole life, but as the archetypes go, something unfortunately ruined her innocence forever—the Latiasite.
I have a little problem with this one, since its the SAME FREAKIN' color scheme for her brother. Now, of course, there are differences. For instance, Mega Latios has his limbs all pointed back, still giving off his jet-like appearance, but still looking menacing by having his arms now become shield-like protrusions with the wings coming out of them. For Latias, the roles are reversed. Everything is forward for her, making her look as if she's going to fight head-on, instead of her brother, who is reliant on speed. Does this save it? In my opinion, yes and no. I understand that the design tries to make her more of a fighter, but at the same time, it could have been given more thought to differentiate her more from her brother, because the differences are subtle. Just switch Mega Latias's arms back and you have Mega Latios. I understand what they were going for, but Mega Latias just doesn't cut it for me. It isn't terrible at all, but could have been made better. 3/5
The fact that Mega Latias is obviously a jet plane is a lot more easy to accept than the case with Mega Salamence, because it at least had some resemblance to a jet plane to begin with. To be honest, Mega Latias (and Mega Latios, too, for that matter) looks like a fusion of Latias and Latios, with their blue and red colors being blended into a deep purple. The new design is smooth, streamlined, and pretty awesome to say the least. The only qualm I have with Game Freak in regards to this creation is the fact that the Mega Evolutions of Latias and Latios are much too similar for them to even be their own distinct entities, at least aesthetically. However, no matter how awesome Mega Latias might look now, there's still this uneasy feeling I have that the Latiasite took away Latias's innocence, and potentially her femininity altogether.
Mega Sceptile
Vanilla Sceptile has always looked quite innocuous. Its art shows it gazing at you with half-shut eyes without a care in the world and pointing in the distance as if it's trying to get you to look at something. Mega Sceptile, however, looks like it wants to kill or at least maim you in some way. The end of its tail has transformed from a branch into an enormous, pointed arrow, and it looks much more surly than before. It's also six inches taller. I imagine anyone six inches taller than you would look somewhat intimidating, regardless of how nice they end up being. The thing can even draw in electricity to strengthen itself. If Pokémon were real and you were battling one of these in a lightning storm, you'd probably want to run for the hills. I'm totally picking Treecko when I get Alpha Sapphire just for this.
Mega Sceptile is an absolute babe. I have yet to find anything about it that I dislike since its introduction in the Hall of Megas. It's an improvement on Sceptile in that it makes an already intimidating beast even more fearsome and gives it a typing that was meant to be canon since Sceptile's creation but sadly was not. The leaves on Mega Sceptile's arms grew to a terrifying length, able to dish out devastating Leaf Blades as Mega Sceptile looks into the eyes of its defenseless opponent, striking it down without mercy. Mega Sceptile fears nothing, and everything fears Mega Sceptile. It's a ruthless deviant that rules with iron claws. It has also mastered its winged eyeliner.
I think almost everyone can agree that Mega Sceptile is probably one of the coolest designs this revamp of a generation can offer. It looks more dragon-like and very aggressive with its multiple razor leaves and, its most noticeable trademark, its spear tail that can be shot at enemies. By the way, it looks a bit festive with the red and green, doesn't it? I'm not going to lie when I say the first thing I think of when I see Mega Sceptile is Christmas. Ditching the laid-back personality that the Treecko family is known for is one of those role changes that work, unlike Mega Latias. Not much to say other than that it is a very cool design, even if it is minimalistic. 4.5/5
The added Dragon typing that Sceptile received upon Mega Evolution is not that big of a shocker, as a lot of Pokémon that are even remotely reptilian in appearance have access to Dragon-type moves (see Charizard, Feraligatr, Tropius, Scrafty, etc.). I wonder what Game Freak was thinking when they gave it an ability that makes it immune to something it's already 4x resistant to. I mean, the Special Attack boost it gets from Lightning Rod is nice, but you have to Mega Evolve it before being able to switch it into Thunder Wave or Volt Switch, so whatever. Having all the weaknesses of a Dragon-type without getting Draco Meteor is kind of a huge slap in the face too. Its design is absolutely badass and its whole expression is just terrifying. My main problem with its stance in battle is that it doesn't seem to be able to differentiate its head from its ass, with its tail always facing the opponent. Either that tail is used as some instrument of fear or it's just so badass that it feels confident turning its back on any enemy; either way, Mega Sceptile is truly a boss of a creature that lets everything know it's not to be taken lightly.
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