Warning: The following content is practically shoddy warstory gone anime-style fanfic. Hopefully with tact, but if you can’t stomach it . . . just read the bolds.
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Year: 3030 (Nintendo, having lost more and more ground in the ever more competitive world of video games after having survived for more than a millenia, has finally found itself on the verge of bankruptcy. Thus, they decided that it’s finally time to end the Pokemon Series—which means Satoshi can finally grow up and achieve his dream! [yay!])
Note: All Japanese names used for the characters.
Shirona (Cynthia): Impressive, that you have made it all the way to face the Champion of Sinnoh.
Satoshi (Ash): I can hardly believe it either Shirona, but here I am.
Takeshi (aka Brock, sitting in the bleachers): I can hardly believe it either! This crummy anime is almost over! (all the other characters who’ve come to see the match nod in agreement in the background)
Satoshi: Well, I should say that while it’s hard to believe it’s finally here, I never stopped believing this day would come.
Pikachu: Pikka!
Shirona: Hmph. One look at you and I can see it-- together, you and your Pokémon overcame all the challenges you faced, however difficult. That means you've triumphed over any personal weaknesses too. The power you’ve gained... I can feel it emanating from you. That's enough talking. Let's get to the point. I, Shirona, accept your challenge as the Pokémon League Champion! There won't be any letup from me!
Rules: Evasion Clause, Freeze Clause, OHKO Clause, Sleep Clause, Species Clause
Note: On-going effects such as Leftovers, Poison, Burn, etc. are mentioned ONCE when they start, but damage after that has been deleted from the log in order to avoid repetition-- please keep in mind the items/status of pokemon in your head.
Satoshi's Team (Fujihara):
Shirona's Team
(No order except for leads)
Fujihara sent out Swellow (lvl 100 Swellow ?).
shirona sent out Spiritomb (lvl 100 Spiritomb ?).
Spiritomb is exerting its pressure!
Takeshi: Hmm . . . well, typical leads on both sides. I think Satoshi has a slight advantage though.
Satoshi’s Mom: Oh really!?
Satoshi (thinking): I studied the Spiritomb analysis at smogon.com, so I know, the typical lead spiritomb has 4 of 5 moves—sucker punch, will of wisp, pain split, pursuit and taunt. Out of these, only sucker punch is really a threat to me since I can U-turn out and the other attacks do nothing to Swellow’s strategy. I better scout for that punch though.
shirona switched in Garchomp (lvl 100 Garchomp ?).
Swellow used Protect.
Swellow protected itself!
Swellow was badly poisoned!
Shirona: The typical swellow (according to smogon) has protect, U-turn, Façade and Brave Bird. The typical opening move—I guess if you want to scout for my sucker punch—is protect. But if you want to be a great trainer, you can’t make typical moves that give the opponent free switch ins.
Satoshi (thinking): crap . . .
Takeshi: Well, she sure got him there . . .
Satoshi’s Mom: Huh!? Oh no! Why?
Kasumi (Misty): It’s as Takeshi says—Shirona’s taken advantage of Satoshi’s complacency and gotten a free switch to a really great pokemon! It’s likely that the Garchomp has choice scarf to out run Swellow, and will deal a huge amount of damage to with Outrage!
Takeshi: Satoshi’s never caught even a single steal type pokemon, which are the only things that resist Outrage! This is bad!
Satoshi: *gritting teeth*
Fujihara switched in Donphan (lvl 100 Donphan ?).
Garchomp used Outrage.
Garchomp went on a rampage!
Donphan lost 39% of its health.
[Donphan Get's LEFTOVERS health.]
Satoshi (thinking): As expected, it’s a huge amount of damage. That Dragon is really a monster-- *insert flashback sequence with Shirona pummeling Paul’s face in with Garchomp*
I hope this works . . .
Garchomp used Outrage.
Donphan lost 39% of its health.
Donphan used Knock Off.
Donphan knocked off foe Garchomp's Choice Scarf!
Garchomp lost 6% of its health.
Garchomp's rampage ended.
Garchomp became confused!
Takeshi: Looks like Garchomp’s outrage has stopped.
Professor Okito (Professor Oak): With that, it’ll be confused, and hopefully Satoshi can use the chance to switch in a pokemon better suited to attacking.
Fujihara switched in Sceptile (lvl 100 Sceptile ?).
Garchomp is confused!
Garchomp used Earthquake.
It's not very effective...
Sceptile lost 52% of its health.
Satoshi: Heh, that’s what I get for trusting my gut! I figured you wouldn’t run away from a head-on fight despite confusion, but fortunately for me it looks like you weren’t quite brave enough to go for the all-out route of continuing outrage. :D
Shirona: Che
shirona switched in Roserade (lvl 100 Roserade ?).
Sceptile used Leaf Storm.
Roserade lost 31% of its health.
[Roserade gets LEFTOVERS health.]
Takeshi: Satoshi’s getting a bit big-headed. A grass attack? That’s the most obvious thing he could have done . . .
Satoshi (thinking): Whatever Takeshi—in this situation of the opening game feeling the opponent out, it’s too important to use the moves that have the most general use. The high-power leafstorm was the best pick for this despite it backfiring here.
Fujihara switched in Snorlax (lvl 100 Snorlax ?).
Roserade used Toxic Spikes.
Spikes were scattered everywhere!
Toxic Spikes were scattered around the foe's team!
Kasumi: Toxic spikes are bad news, but at least Satoshi has a spinner in Donphan.
Takeshi: More importantly, snorlax has a huge advantage here over Roserade. Satoshi is sitting pretty. Good thing it didn’t use Leech Seed, but I guess that’s to be expected when the opponent, Sceptile, was a grass type immune to leech seed.
shirona switched in Spiritomb (lvl 100 Spiritomb ?).
Spiritomb is exerting its pressure!
Snorlax used Fire Punch.
Spiritomb lost 19% of its health.
[Spiritomb gets LEFTOVERS health]
Satoshi (thinking): Acha . . . Spiritomb completely has the advantage here . . . taunts me to stop me from cursing and then I can’t touch it because of pain split . . . I can’t even scare a ghost with the threat of self destruct . . . which I don’t have . . .
Fujihara switched in Heracross (lvl 100 Heracross ?).
[Heracross was poisoned!]
Heracross was poisoned by the Toxic Spikes!
Spiritomb used Taunt.
Heracross fell for the taunt!
Satoshi: Heh heh, here it comes Shirona! Stabbed, gutsed, Choice banded 120 BP attacks coming off of 383 attack!! Hahahaha!!
Other characters: That idiot!! He just completely revealed his strategy!!
Shirona: . . .
shirona switched in Lucario (lvl 100 Lucario ?).
Heracross used Megahorn.
It's not very effective...
Lucario lost 43% of its health.
Satoshi: I don’t care! I’m invincible! I’m the main character! It’s still a 3hko! Take my horn again bitch!
Professor Okito: Well . . . lucario is a dog, so I guess he’s not swearing at least . . .but my, that boy’s an idiot . . .
Shirona: . . .
Lucario used Swords Dance.
Lucario's attack was sharply raised.
Heracross used Megahorn.
It's not very effective...
Lucario lost 42% of its health.
Takeshi: Holy cow, it swords danced! This is bad!
Satoshi: Take my horn!
Lucario used Close Combat!
Heracross lost 78% of its health.
Fujihara's Heracross fainted.
[Lucario lost 10% of its health to Life Orb]
6 v. 5 Shirona
Satoshi: . . .
Shirona: Looks like I can take your horn.
Takeshi: O.o
Flock of Murkrows flying overhead: Aho . . . Aho . . . Aho . . .
Fujihara switched in Donphan (lvl 100 Donphan ?).
[Donphan was poisoned!]
Donphan was poisoned by the Toxic Spikes!
Kasumi: Did that idiot just send an almost dead pokemon out against a poke that has a swords dance up!?
Takeshi: Yeah . . . but I think he’s trying to scare the opponent with Ice Shard. Lucario’s got like 5% left . . .
Haruka (May): Wait, Satoshi’s Donphan doesn’t have ice shard!
Takeshi: Well . . . let’s hope Shirona doesn’t realize that . . .
Shigeru (Gary, walking in late with his ex-fanclub): No way. We’re talking about a pokemon master here. There’s no way she’d fall for the bluff of that hopeless idiot.
Professor Okito: Shigeru! You came! But why did you bring your ex-fangirls . . .
Takeshi: Hmm . . . he’s right. There’s no way Shirona could fall for Satoshi’s bluff.
Kasumi: Yeah, no way.
shirona switched in Milotic (lvl 100 Milotic ?).
Donphan used Rapid Spin.
Donphan blew away the spikes!
Milotic lost 5% of its health.
[Milotic heals with LEFTOVERS.]
Everyone: She fell for it!!! . . . !?
Shigeru: . . . (people are staring at me . . .)
Person 1: Ah, that’s so uncool.
Person 2: Yeah, way, way uncool . . .
Person 3: And he was so sure of himself too . . .
Fanclub Girls: Don’t mind Shigeru-kun!!
Shigeru: . . .
Takeshi: Putting Shigeru aside (no one cares about him after all), Satoshi somehow just got himself into a brilliant position!
Haruka: He managed to force a switch in . . .
Kasumi: That bluff pulled off huge because he got rid of those toxic spikes . . . but now he has milotic to deal with . . . oh, it’s such a beautiful milotic!! <3
Fujihara switched in Sceptile (lvl 100 Sceptile ?).
Milotic used Surf.
It's not very effective...
Sceptile lost 26% of its health.
Kasumi: Eh!? What the, it seems like he’s actually reading her moves!
shirona switched in Roserade (lvl 100 Roserade ?).
Sceptile used Hidden Power.
It's super effective!
Roserade lost 91% of its health.
shirona's Roserade fainted.
5 v. 5
Everyone: He is reading her moves!!!
Satoshi: Would you all stop treating me like an idiot!?
Everyone: But, you are an idiot . . .
Satoshi: !!
Kasumi: Ahh, he’s in shock . . .
Shirona: That was an impressive couple of moves. But, I won’t let you do me in so easily!
shirona switched in Milotic (lvl 100 Milotic ?).
Fujihara switched in Snorlax (lvl 100 Snorlax ?).
Milotic used Ice Beam.
Snorlax lost 13% of its health.
Takeshi: Does anyone get the feeling that Shirona’s hitting on him?
Kasumi/Haruka: !!
Takeshi: I mean, she keeps saying things like, “I can feeeel the power emanating from you (yo’ so stwong!),” and “I won’t let you do me in so easily,” and “I can take your horn.” Maybe it’s just me . . .
Kasumi/Haruka: *burning rage* (Takeshi: Ah, looks like they think so too . . .)
Shigeru: It’s just you. No way a girl that pretty would like Satoshi.
Satoshi: Hello you guys!! This is a war story! Shut up and stop filling it up with this stupid crap! You’re going to lower our ratings!
Satoshi (Thinking): Anyway, I wonder if Snorlax was a good switch in. It should be . . . I mean, it could have hypnosis but other than that it can’t do much to me. I should be able to try to set up like this. However, I’ve now tipped my hand that my Snorlax is immunity, and not Thick Fat. Probably won’t make much of a difference now though. Well, here goes nothing.
shirona switched in Spiritomb (lvl 100 Spiritomb ?).
Spiritomb is exerting its pressure!
Snorlax used Curse.
Snorlax's speed was lowered.
Snorlax's attack was raised.
Snorlax's defence was raised.
Satoshi: Crap, it’s spiritomb again . . .
Spiritomb used Taunt.
Snorlax fell for the taunt!
Snorlax used Fire Punch.
Spiritomb lost 30% of its health.
Professor Okito: Snorlax really can’t do anything to that Spiritomb.
Satoshi (thinking): Well, now is as good a time as any for this--
Fujihara switched in Pikachu (lvl 100 Pikachu ?).
Spiritomb used Sucker Punch.
But it failed!
Spiritomb's leftovers restored its health a little!
Everyone: Yay!! It’s pikachu!! (squeeling fangirls and children in the background)
Pikachu used Substitute.
Pikachu lost 25% of its health.
Pikachu made a substitute!
Spiritomb used Will-o-wisp.
But it failed!
Shigeru: Is . . . is Pikachu actually doing something!?
Spiritomb used Sucker Punch.
But it failed!
Pikachu used Nasty Plot.
Pikachu's special attack was sharply raised.
Shigeru: It is! Now with both substitute and Nasty Plot up, Pikachu is ready to sweep the whole opposing team!
Everyone: O.O
Pikachu: O^ _ ^O ~<3
shirona switched in Gastrodon (lvl 100 Gastrodon ?).
Pikachu used Nasty Plot.
Pikachu's special attack was sharply raised.
Shigeru: 2 nasty plots!! This battle is as good as done!!
Pikachu used Hidden Power.
Gastrodon lost 46% of its health.
Gastrodon used Amnesia.
Gastrodon's special defence was sharply raised.
[Gastrodon heals with LEFTOVERS.]
Everyone: . . .
Shigeru: . . .
Takeshi: He was wrong again . . .
Satoshi: . . . Crap!!
Shigeru: ToT
Pikachu used Hidden Power.
Gastrodon lost 20% of its health.
Gastrodon used Amnesia.
Gastrodon's special defence was sharply raised.
Satoshi: Crap, Pikachu, get back here!
Fujihara switched in Sceptile (lvl 100 Sceptile ?).
Gastrodon used Surf.
It's not very effective...
Sceptile lost 26% of its health.
Fujihara's Sceptile fainted.
5 v. 4 Shirona
Takeshi: Wow, that surf was pretty . . . awesome . . .
Satoshi: Not very effective my ass . . . and that thing is going to UU?
Kasumi: Don’t underestimate water pokemon!! It looks so cute and squishy! ~<3
Fujihara switched in Swellow (lvl 100 Swellow ?).
Swellow used Brave Bird.
Gastrodon lost 73% of its health.
shirona's Gastrodon fainted.
Swellow was hit by recoil!
Swellow lost 27% of its health.
4 v. 4
Satoshi: Oh, right. That's why it's UU.
Kasumi: My squishy!! ToT
shirona switched in Garchomp (lvl 100 Garchomp ?).
Swellow used Brave Bird.
Garchomp lost 65% of its health.
Swellow was hit by recoil!
Swellow lost 32% of its health.
Garchomp used Outrage.
Garchomp went on a rampage!
Swellow lost 147% of its health.
Fujihara's Swellow fainted.
4 v. 3 Shirona
Shirona: The battle is not over yet!!
Satoshi: Damn it all . . . not that thing again . . . and both Swellow and Sceptile are gone now . . . well when there’s a problem, send in pikachu!!
Fujihara switched in Pikachu (lvl 100 Pikachu ?).
Shigeru: . . . did he just . . .
Takeshi: Yeah, he just did . . .
Haruka: What was Garchomp’s base speed again?
Takeshi: 102 . . .
Haruka: And Pikachu’s?
Takeshi: 90 . . .
Shigeru: He’s toast . . .
Everyone: . . .
Pikachu used Hidden Power.
It's super effective!
Garchomp lost 89% of its health.
shirona's Garchomp fainted.
3 v. 3
Everyone: . . . . . . . . . HUH!?
Shigeru: T-T
Satoshi, looking up: Huh? What’s wrong with you guys? It’s a choice scarf chomp. That means that it probably only invested the effort values needed to achieve 404 speed, just to get above choice scarf Heracross. Without scarf, 252 speed timid Pikachu outruns it of course . . .
Everyone: O.o did . . . did Satoshi just say something brilliant!?
Shigeru: *slouching in a corner* They don’t even notice when I’m wrong anymore . . .
Kasumi: But wait!! Satoshi!! (isn’t noticing Shigeru) how the heck did you get Hidden Power Ice, timid, and 252 evs in speed when we were wandering around, battling whatever pokemon . . . and and and . . . how!?
Satoshi: *shrug* I’m the main character.
Everyone: . . .
shirona switched in Lucario (lvl 100 Lucario ?).
Fujihara switched in Donphan (lvl 100 Donphan ?).
Lucario used Swords Dance.
Lucario's attack was sharply raised.
Satoshi: Crap!! It’s the bitch again!
Satoshi’s Mom: Satoshi! Don’t swear!
Satoshi: I’m not!!
Lucario used Close Combat.
Donphan lost 68% of its health.
Fujihara's Donphan fainted.
Lucario's defence was lowered.
Lucario's special defence was lowered.
Lucario's lost 10% of its health.
shirona's Lucario fainted.
2 v. 2
Shirona: Ah! Your Donphan doesn’t have ice shard!
Everyone: You just noticed!!?
Satoshi: I was pretty cool about that, wasn’t I?
Everyone: No!! There’s nothing cool about you!!
Shirona: Humph, don’t think I’ll keep getting taken in by your wonderful moves.
Everyone: She keeps saying those weird things!!
Shigeru: I’m telling you, it can’t be--
Satoshi: Go snorlax!!
Fujihara switched in Snorlax
shirona switched in Spiritomb (lvl 100 Spiritomb ?).
Spiritomb is exerting its pressure!
Spiritomb used Taunt.
Snorlax fell for the taunt!
Snorlax used Fire Punch.
Spiritomb lost 22% of its health.
Satoshi (thinking): Now it’s 2 v. 2 . . . Snorlax is useless against that spiritomb! But with just spiritomb and milotic left . . .
Spiritomb used Will-o-wisp.
[Snorlax was burned!]
Snorlax used Fire Punch.
Spiritomb lost 11% of its health.
Takeshi: This looks bad.
Kasumi: That spiritomb . . . and it’s painsplit means big problems . . . Satoshi . . .
Satoshi: *Staring at the field with a determined expression* wait for it . . .
Spiritomb used Pain Split.
Spiritomb restored 32% of its health.
Snorlax lost 20% of its health.
Snorlax used Fire Punch.
Spiritomb lost 10% of its health.
Snorlax's taunt wore off!
<Insert a few rounds with Spiritomb smacking Snorlax around>
Kasumi: What is he doing? He's just letting Snorlax get beaten in!
Professor Okito: This is bad-- as expected, Snorlax can't do anything at all to Spiritomb.
Kasumi: Satoshi . . .
Takeshi . . . *smiles* I get it Satoshi . . . cleverly played.
Satoshi: Now!!
Fujihara switched in Pikachu (lvl 100 Pikachu ?).
Spiritomb used Sucker Punch.
But it failed!
Takeshi: Pikachu, it got back in.
Kasumi: It got in without being taunted, burned, or even taking a pain split . . .
Professor Okito: Satoshi’s reading has truly become impressive!
Takeshi: More importantly, that was the last sucker punch.
Kasumi: Eh!?
Takeshi: Sucker Punch has a max of 8 pp, and Shirona just used the last one. That's the weakness of not putting Pursuit on in favor of more annoyance-- it's easy to run out of attacks. It makes Spiritomb a powerful lead, but weak at late game sweeping.
Satoshi: Alright, this match is mine!!
Pikachu used Nasty Plot.
Pikachu's special attack was sharply raised.
Spiritomb used Taunt.
Pikachu fell for the taunt!
Takeshi: He’s got nasty plot up!
Satoshi: Pain Split, Taunt, Will-o-Wisp and Sucker Punch. No pursuit, so no threat to my partner in Nasty Plotting.
Pikachu used Thunderbolt.
Spiritomb lost 48% of its health.
Spiritomb is paralysed! It may be unable to move!
Spiritomb is paralysed! It can't move!
Everyone: Hax . . .
Shigeru: It’s still not enough! He isn’t going to make it! She’ll painsplit and--
Takeshi: No . . . Somehow . . . He’ll definitely do it!
Kasumi: How can you know!?
Takeshi: Because . . . Shigeru has been wrong about EVERYTHING so far!
Shigeru: . . .
Pikachu used Thunderbolt.
A critical hit!
Spiritomb lost 104% of its health.
shirona's Spiritomb fainted.
2 v. 1 Satoshi
Everyone: Hax . . .
Shigeru: . . .
Takeshi: See?
Shirona: Oh my goodness!! Yo’ so stwong!
shirona switched in Milotic (lvl 100 Milotic ?).
Pikachu used Thunderbolt.
It's super effective!
Milotic lost 103% of its health.
shirona's Milotic fainted.
Fujihara wins!
2 v. 0
Referee: Milotic is unable to continue!! Satoshi is the winner!!
Satoshi: I won!? I won!! I’m a pokemon master!!
Pikachu: Pika!!
Satoshi: Pikachu!! You were so great!! You did such a great job!! *hugging*
Shirona: Just a few moments ago, you were the most powerful challenger. And just now, you became the most powerful of all the Trainers. You are now our newest Champion! The Pokemon League Officially recognizes you as the main character!
. . . oh, and um . . . would you like to get coffee sometime? Here’s my phone number . . .
Kasumi/Haruka: *explode* *grabbing mallets*
Takeshi: *grabs both by the ears* Hai, hai . . . settle down you two . . . *drags them away* . . . damn Satoshi . . .
Shigeru: . . .
Professor Okito: Don’t worry Shigeru . . . we’re all wrong sometimes . . . Do you know why you’re wrong though Shigeru? It’s because you raised your pokemon only caring about power. It’s the bonds of friendship that bring pokemon and people together . . . that’s what makes them strong. Look at Satoshi and Pikachu—they have a strong bond so the hax gods smiled on them. While you . . . you’re just not a very good person.
Shigeru: T-T
Professor Okito: That’s right, remember well. All those missed attacks on your side, and all the criticals and status haxes on the other side . . . that’s really God punishing you for your sin.
Shigeru: T-T
Satoshi: I’m a pokemon master!!
Shirona: Come on Satoshi-- there's this hall of fame thing in the back where we pokemon masters can be alone. ~<3
Props and Slops
Props:
-Pikachu!! Taking out 3 of the enemy pokemon!!
-Donphan, for knocking off scarf that made pika’s kill possible, taking hits like a champ, and spinning.
-The other pokemon, who did their best to support Pikachu and not get in his way!
-My Opponent! For also running an awesome theme team!
-Gastrodon! For switching in and walling double nasty plot light orbed attacks!! O.o
-To Shigeru, for getting the blunt of all the jokes and taking ‘em like a man (Sorry to all the Gary fans out there—he’s just so fun to make fun of)
-Kumar, for approving another of my warstories!
Slops:
-Me, for the stupidity with Heracross
-Me, for being too chicken to use Seismic Toss Charizard. -_-
-I’m still pissed with Satoshi for not catching a Blissey! (Or a steal type!!)
Not too much slops, it was a great battle :D
And remember kids! The Hax Gods are watching!! O.o
<><><>
Year: 3030 (Nintendo, having lost more and more ground in the ever more competitive world of video games after having survived for more than a millenia, has finally found itself on the verge of bankruptcy. Thus, they decided that it’s finally time to end the Pokemon Series—which means Satoshi can finally grow up and achieve his dream! [yay!])
Note: All Japanese names used for the characters.
Shirona (Cynthia): Impressive, that you have made it all the way to face the Champion of Sinnoh.
Satoshi (Ash): I can hardly believe it either Shirona, but here I am.
Takeshi (aka Brock, sitting in the bleachers): I can hardly believe it either! This crummy anime is almost over! (all the other characters who’ve come to see the match nod in agreement in the background)
Satoshi: Well, I should say that while it’s hard to believe it’s finally here, I never stopped believing this day would come.
Pikachu: Pikka!
Shirona: Hmph. One look at you and I can see it-- together, you and your Pokémon overcame all the challenges you faced, however difficult. That means you've triumphed over any personal weaknesses too. The power you’ve gained... I can feel it emanating from you. That's enough talking. Let's get to the point. I, Shirona, accept your challenge as the Pokémon League Champion! There won't be any letup from me!
Rules: Evasion Clause, Freeze Clause, OHKO Clause, Sleep Clause, Species Clause
Note: On-going effects such as Leftovers, Poison, Burn, etc. are mentioned ONCE when they start, but damage after that has been deleted from the log in order to avoid repetition-- please keep in mind the items/status of pokemon in your head.
Satoshi's Team (Fujihara):
Shirona's Team
(No order except for leads)
Fujihara sent out Swellow (lvl 100 Swellow ?).
shirona sent out Spiritomb (lvl 100 Spiritomb ?).
Spiritomb is exerting its pressure!
Takeshi: Hmm . . . well, typical leads on both sides. I think Satoshi has a slight advantage though.
Satoshi’s Mom: Oh really!?
Satoshi (thinking): I studied the Spiritomb analysis at smogon.com, so I know, the typical lead spiritomb has 4 of 5 moves—sucker punch, will of wisp, pain split, pursuit and taunt. Out of these, only sucker punch is really a threat to me since I can U-turn out and the other attacks do nothing to Swellow’s strategy. I better scout for that punch though.
shirona switched in Garchomp (lvl 100 Garchomp ?).
Swellow used Protect.
Swellow protected itself!
Swellow was badly poisoned!
Shirona: The typical swellow (according to smogon) has protect, U-turn, Façade and Brave Bird. The typical opening move—I guess if you want to scout for my sucker punch—is protect. But if you want to be a great trainer, you can’t make typical moves that give the opponent free switch ins.
Satoshi (thinking): crap . . .
Takeshi: Well, she sure got him there . . .
Satoshi’s Mom: Huh!? Oh no! Why?
Kasumi (Misty): It’s as Takeshi says—Shirona’s taken advantage of Satoshi’s complacency and gotten a free switch to a really great pokemon! It’s likely that the Garchomp has choice scarf to out run Swellow, and will deal a huge amount of damage to with Outrage!
Takeshi: Satoshi’s never caught even a single steal type pokemon, which are the only things that resist Outrage! This is bad!
Satoshi: *gritting teeth*
Fujihara switched in Donphan (lvl 100 Donphan ?).
Garchomp used Outrage.
Garchomp went on a rampage!
Donphan lost 39% of its health.
[Donphan Get's LEFTOVERS health.]
Satoshi (thinking): As expected, it’s a huge amount of damage. That Dragon is really a monster-- *insert flashback sequence with Shirona pummeling Paul’s face in with Garchomp*
I hope this works . . .
Garchomp used Outrage.
Donphan lost 39% of its health.
Donphan used Knock Off.
Donphan knocked off foe Garchomp's Choice Scarf!
Garchomp lost 6% of its health.
Garchomp's rampage ended.
Garchomp became confused!
Takeshi: Looks like Garchomp’s outrage has stopped.
Professor Okito (Professor Oak): With that, it’ll be confused, and hopefully Satoshi can use the chance to switch in a pokemon better suited to attacking.
Fujihara switched in Sceptile (lvl 100 Sceptile ?).
Garchomp is confused!
Garchomp used Earthquake.
It's not very effective...
Sceptile lost 52% of its health.
Satoshi: Heh, that’s what I get for trusting my gut! I figured you wouldn’t run away from a head-on fight despite confusion, but fortunately for me it looks like you weren’t quite brave enough to go for the all-out route of continuing outrage. :D
Shirona: Che
shirona switched in Roserade (lvl 100 Roserade ?).
Sceptile used Leaf Storm.
Roserade lost 31% of its health.
[Roserade gets LEFTOVERS health.]
Takeshi: Satoshi’s getting a bit big-headed. A grass attack? That’s the most obvious thing he could have done . . .
Satoshi (thinking): Whatever Takeshi—in this situation of the opening game feeling the opponent out, it’s too important to use the moves that have the most general use. The high-power leafstorm was the best pick for this despite it backfiring here.
Fujihara switched in Snorlax (lvl 100 Snorlax ?).
Roserade used Toxic Spikes.
Spikes were scattered everywhere!
Toxic Spikes were scattered around the foe's team!
Kasumi: Toxic spikes are bad news, but at least Satoshi has a spinner in Donphan.
Takeshi: More importantly, snorlax has a huge advantage here over Roserade. Satoshi is sitting pretty. Good thing it didn’t use Leech Seed, but I guess that’s to be expected when the opponent, Sceptile, was a grass type immune to leech seed.
shirona switched in Spiritomb (lvl 100 Spiritomb ?).
Spiritomb is exerting its pressure!
Snorlax used Fire Punch.
Spiritomb lost 19% of its health.
[Spiritomb gets LEFTOVERS health]
Satoshi (thinking): Acha . . . Spiritomb completely has the advantage here . . . taunts me to stop me from cursing and then I can’t touch it because of pain split . . . I can’t even scare a ghost with the threat of self destruct . . . which I don’t have . . .
Fujihara switched in Heracross (lvl 100 Heracross ?).
[Heracross was poisoned!]
Heracross was poisoned by the Toxic Spikes!
Spiritomb used Taunt.
Heracross fell for the taunt!
Satoshi: Heh heh, here it comes Shirona! Stabbed, gutsed, Choice banded 120 BP attacks coming off of 383 attack!! Hahahaha!!
Other characters: That idiot!! He just completely revealed his strategy!!
Shirona: . . .
shirona switched in Lucario (lvl 100 Lucario ?).
Heracross used Megahorn.
It's not very effective...
Lucario lost 43% of its health.
Satoshi: I don’t care! I’m invincible! I’m the main character! It’s still a 3hko! Take my horn again bitch!
Professor Okito: Well . . . lucario is a dog, so I guess he’s not swearing at least . . .but my, that boy’s an idiot . . .
Shirona: . . .
Lucario used Swords Dance.
Lucario's attack was sharply raised.
Heracross used Megahorn.
It's not very effective...
Lucario lost 42% of its health.
Takeshi: Holy cow, it swords danced! This is bad!
Satoshi: Take my horn!
Lucario used Close Combat!
Heracross lost 78% of its health.
Fujihara's Heracross fainted.
[Lucario lost 10% of its health to Life Orb]
6 v. 5 Shirona
Satoshi: . . .
Shirona: Looks like I can take your horn.
Takeshi: O.o
Flock of Murkrows flying overhead: Aho . . . Aho . . . Aho . . .
Fujihara switched in Donphan (lvl 100 Donphan ?).
[Donphan was poisoned!]
Donphan was poisoned by the Toxic Spikes!
Kasumi: Did that idiot just send an almost dead pokemon out against a poke that has a swords dance up!?
Takeshi: Yeah . . . but I think he’s trying to scare the opponent with Ice Shard. Lucario’s got like 5% left . . .
Haruka (May): Wait, Satoshi’s Donphan doesn’t have ice shard!
Takeshi: Well . . . let’s hope Shirona doesn’t realize that . . .
Shigeru (Gary, walking in late with his ex-fanclub): No way. We’re talking about a pokemon master here. There’s no way she’d fall for the bluff of that hopeless idiot.
Professor Okito: Shigeru! You came! But why did you bring your ex-fangirls . . .
Takeshi: Hmm . . . he’s right. There’s no way Shirona could fall for Satoshi’s bluff.
Kasumi: Yeah, no way.
shirona switched in Milotic (lvl 100 Milotic ?).
Donphan used Rapid Spin.
Donphan blew away the spikes!
Milotic lost 5% of its health.
[Milotic heals with LEFTOVERS.]
Everyone: She fell for it!!! . . . !?
Shigeru: . . . (people are staring at me . . .)
Person 1: Ah, that’s so uncool.
Person 2: Yeah, way, way uncool . . .
Person 3: And he was so sure of himself too . . .
Fanclub Girls: Don’t mind Shigeru-kun!!
Shigeru: . . .
Takeshi: Putting Shigeru aside (no one cares about him after all), Satoshi somehow just got himself into a brilliant position!
Haruka: He managed to force a switch in . . .
Kasumi: That bluff pulled off huge because he got rid of those toxic spikes . . . but now he has milotic to deal with . . . oh, it’s such a beautiful milotic!! <3
Fujihara switched in Sceptile (lvl 100 Sceptile ?).
Milotic used Surf.
It's not very effective...
Sceptile lost 26% of its health.
Kasumi: Eh!? What the, it seems like he’s actually reading her moves!
shirona switched in Roserade (lvl 100 Roserade ?).
Sceptile used Hidden Power.
It's super effective!
Roserade lost 91% of its health.
shirona's Roserade fainted.
5 v. 5
Everyone: He is reading her moves!!!
Satoshi: Would you all stop treating me like an idiot!?
Everyone: But, you are an idiot . . .
Satoshi: !!
Kasumi: Ahh, he’s in shock . . .
Shirona: That was an impressive couple of moves. But, I won’t let you do me in so easily!
shirona switched in Milotic (lvl 100 Milotic ?).
Fujihara switched in Snorlax (lvl 100 Snorlax ?).
Milotic used Ice Beam.
Snorlax lost 13% of its health.
Takeshi: Does anyone get the feeling that Shirona’s hitting on him?
Kasumi/Haruka: !!
Takeshi: I mean, she keeps saying things like, “I can feeeel the power emanating from you (yo’ so stwong!),” and “I won’t let you do me in so easily,” and “I can take your horn.” Maybe it’s just me . . .
Kasumi/Haruka: *burning rage* (Takeshi: Ah, looks like they think so too . . .)
Shigeru: It’s just you. No way a girl that pretty would like Satoshi.
Satoshi: Hello you guys!! This is a war story! Shut up and stop filling it up with this stupid crap! You’re going to lower our ratings!
Satoshi (Thinking): Anyway, I wonder if Snorlax was a good switch in. It should be . . . I mean, it could have hypnosis but other than that it can’t do much to me. I should be able to try to set up like this. However, I’ve now tipped my hand that my Snorlax is immunity, and not Thick Fat. Probably won’t make much of a difference now though. Well, here goes nothing.
shirona switched in Spiritomb (lvl 100 Spiritomb ?).
Spiritomb is exerting its pressure!
Snorlax used Curse.
Snorlax's speed was lowered.
Snorlax's attack was raised.
Snorlax's defence was raised.
Satoshi: Crap, it’s spiritomb again . . .
Spiritomb used Taunt.
Snorlax fell for the taunt!
Snorlax used Fire Punch.
Spiritomb lost 30% of its health.
Professor Okito: Snorlax really can’t do anything to that Spiritomb.
Satoshi (thinking): Well, now is as good a time as any for this--
Fujihara switched in Pikachu (lvl 100 Pikachu ?).
Spiritomb used Sucker Punch.
But it failed!
Spiritomb's leftovers restored its health a little!
Everyone: Yay!! It’s pikachu!! (squeeling fangirls and children in the background)
Pikachu used Substitute.
Pikachu lost 25% of its health.
Pikachu made a substitute!
Spiritomb used Will-o-wisp.
But it failed!
Shigeru: Is . . . is Pikachu actually doing something!?
Spiritomb used Sucker Punch.
But it failed!
Pikachu used Nasty Plot.
Pikachu's special attack was sharply raised.
Shigeru: It is! Now with both substitute and Nasty Plot up, Pikachu is ready to sweep the whole opposing team!
Everyone: O.O
Pikachu: O^ _ ^O ~<3
shirona switched in Gastrodon (lvl 100 Gastrodon ?).
Pikachu used Nasty Plot.
Pikachu's special attack was sharply raised.
Shigeru: 2 nasty plots!! This battle is as good as done!!
Pikachu used Hidden Power.
Gastrodon lost 46% of its health.
Gastrodon used Amnesia.
Gastrodon's special defence was sharply raised.
[Gastrodon heals with LEFTOVERS.]
Everyone: . . .
Shigeru: . . .
Takeshi: He was wrong again . . .
Satoshi: . . . Crap!!
Shigeru: ToT
Pikachu used Hidden Power.
Gastrodon lost 20% of its health.
Gastrodon used Amnesia.
Gastrodon's special defence was sharply raised.
Satoshi: Crap, Pikachu, get back here!
Fujihara switched in Sceptile (lvl 100 Sceptile ?).
Gastrodon used Surf.
It's not very effective...
Sceptile lost 26% of its health.
Fujihara's Sceptile fainted.
5 v. 4 Shirona
Takeshi: Wow, that surf was pretty . . . awesome . . .
Satoshi: Not very effective my ass . . . and that thing is going to UU?
Kasumi: Don’t underestimate water pokemon!! It looks so cute and squishy! ~<3
Fujihara switched in Swellow (lvl 100 Swellow ?).
Swellow used Brave Bird.
Gastrodon lost 73% of its health.
shirona's Gastrodon fainted.
Swellow was hit by recoil!
Swellow lost 27% of its health.
4 v. 4
Satoshi: Oh, right. That's why it's UU.
Kasumi: My squishy!! ToT
shirona switched in Garchomp (lvl 100 Garchomp ?).
Swellow used Brave Bird.
Garchomp lost 65% of its health.
Swellow was hit by recoil!
Swellow lost 32% of its health.
Garchomp used Outrage.
Garchomp went on a rampage!
Swellow lost 147% of its health.
Fujihara's Swellow fainted.
4 v. 3 Shirona
Shirona: The battle is not over yet!!
Satoshi: Damn it all . . . not that thing again . . . and both Swellow and Sceptile are gone now . . . well when there’s a problem, send in pikachu!!
Fujihara switched in Pikachu (lvl 100 Pikachu ?).
Shigeru: . . . did he just . . .
Takeshi: Yeah, he just did . . .
Haruka: What was Garchomp’s base speed again?
Takeshi: 102 . . .
Haruka: And Pikachu’s?
Takeshi: 90 . . .
Shigeru: He’s toast . . .
Everyone: . . .
Pikachu used Hidden Power.
It's super effective!
Garchomp lost 89% of its health.
shirona's Garchomp fainted.
3 v. 3
Everyone: . . . . . . . . . HUH!?
Shigeru: T-T
Satoshi, looking up: Huh? What’s wrong with you guys? It’s a choice scarf chomp. That means that it probably only invested the effort values needed to achieve 404 speed, just to get above choice scarf Heracross. Without scarf, 252 speed timid Pikachu outruns it of course . . .
Everyone: O.o did . . . did Satoshi just say something brilliant!?
Shigeru: *slouching in a corner* They don’t even notice when I’m wrong anymore . . .
Kasumi: But wait!! Satoshi!! (isn’t noticing Shigeru) how the heck did you get Hidden Power Ice, timid, and 252 evs in speed when we were wandering around, battling whatever pokemon . . . and and and . . . how!?
Satoshi: *shrug* I’m the main character.
Everyone: . . .
shirona switched in Lucario (lvl 100 Lucario ?).
Fujihara switched in Donphan (lvl 100 Donphan ?).
Lucario used Swords Dance.
Lucario's attack was sharply raised.
Satoshi: Crap!! It’s the bitch again!
Satoshi’s Mom: Satoshi! Don’t swear!
Satoshi: I’m not!!
Lucario used Close Combat.
Donphan lost 68% of its health.
Fujihara's Donphan fainted.
Lucario's defence was lowered.
Lucario's special defence was lowered.
Lucario's lost 10% of its health.
shirona's Lucario fainted.
2 v. 2
Shirona: Ah! Your Donphan doesn’t have ice shard!
Everyone: You just noticed!!?
Satoshi: I was pretty cool about that, wasn’t I?
Everyone: No!! There’s nothing cool about you!!
Shirona: Humph, don’t think I’ll keep getting taken in by your wonderful moves.
Everyone: She keeps saying those weird things!!
Shigeru: I’m telling you, it can’t be--
Satoshi: Go snorlax!!
Fujihara switched in Snorlax
shirona switched in Spiritomb (lvl 100 Spiritomb ?).
Spiritomb is exerting its pressure!
Spiritomb used Taunt.
Snorlax fell for the taunt!
Snorlax used Fire Punch.
Spiritomb lost 22% of its health.
Satoshi (thinking): Now it’s 2 v. 2 . . . Snorlax is useless against that spiritomb! But with just spiritomb and milotic left . . .
Spiritomb used Will-o-wisp.
[Snorlax was burned!]
Snorlax used Fire Punch.
Spiritomb lost 11% of its health.
Takeshi: This looks bad.
Kasumi: That spiritomb . . . and it’s painsplit means big problems . . . Satoshi . . .
Satoshi: *Staring at the field with a determined expression* wait for it . . .
Spiritomb used Pain Split.
Spiritomb restored 32% of its health.
Snorlax lost 20% of its health.
Snorlax used Fire Punch.
Spiritomb lost 10% of its health.
Snorlax's taunt wore off!
<Insert a few rounds with Spiritomb smacking Snorlax around>
Kasumi: What is he doing? He's just letting Snorlax get beaten in!
Professor Okito: This is bad-- as expected, Snorlax can't do anything at all to Spiritomb.
Kasumi: Satoshi . . .
Takeshi . . . *smiles* I get it Satoshi . . . cleverly played.
Satoshi: Now!!
Fujihara switched in Pikachu (lvl 100 Pikachu ?).
Spiritomb used Sucker Punch.
But it failed!
Takeshi: Pikachu, it got back in.
Kasumi: It got in without being taunted, burned, or even taking a pain split . . .
Professor Okito: Satoshi’s reading has truly become impressive!
Takeshi: More importantly, that was the last sucker punch.
Kasumi: Eh!?
Takeshi: Sucker Punch has a max of 8 pp, and Shirona just used the last one. That's the weakness of not putting Pursuit on in favor of more annoyance-- it's easy to run out of attacks. It makes Spiritomb a powerful lead, but weak at late game sweeping.
Satoshi: Alright, this match is mine!!
Pikachu used Nasty Plot.
Pikachu's special attack was sharply raised.
Spiritomb used Taunt.
Pikachu fell for the taunt!
Takeshi: He’s got nasty plot up!
Satoshi: Pain Split, Taunt, Will-o-Wisp and Sucker Punch. No pursuit, so no threat to my partner in Nasty Plotting.
Pikachu used Thunderbolt.
Spiritomb lost 48% of its health.
Spiritomb is paralysed! It may be unable to move!
Spiritomb is paralysed! It can't move!
Everyone: Hax . . .
Shigeru: It’s still not enough! He isn’t going to make it! She’ll painsplit and--
Takeshi: No . . . Somehow . . . He’ll definitely do it!
Kasumi: How can you know!?
Takeshi: Because . . . Shigeru has been wrong about EVERYTHING so far!
Shigeru: . . .
Pikachu used Thunderbolt.
A critical hit!
Spiritomb lost 104% of its health.
shirona's Spiritomb fainted.
2 v. 1 Satoshi
Everyone: Hax . . .
Shigeru: . . .
Takeshi: See?
Shirona: Oh my goodness!! Yo’ so stwong!
shirona switched in Milotic (lvl 100 Milotic ?).
Pikachu used Thunderbolt.
It's super effective!
Milotic lost 103% of its health.
shirona's Milotic fainted.
Fujihara wins!
2 v. 0
Referee: Milotic is unable to continue!! Satoshi is the winner!!
Satoshi: I won!? I won!! I’m a pokemon master!!
Pikachu: Pika!!
Satoshi: Pikachu!! You were so great!! You did such a great job!! *hugging*
Shirona: Just a few moments ago, you were the most powerful challenger. And just now, you became the most powerful of all the Trainers. You are now our newest Champion! The Pokemon League Officially recognizes you as the main character!
. . . oh, and um . . . would you like to get coffee sometime? Here’s my phone number . . .
Kasumi/Haruka: *explode* *grabbing mallets*
Takeshi: *grabs both by the ears* Hai, hai . . . settle down you two . . . *drags them away* . . . damn Satoshi . . .
Shigeru: . . .
Professor Okito: Don’t worry Shigeru . . . we’re all wrong sometimes . . . Do you know why you’re wrong though Shigeru? It’s because you raised your pokemon only caring about power. It’s the bonds of friendship that bring pokemon and people together . . . that’s what makes them strong. Look at Satoshi and Pikachu—they have a strong bond so the hax gods smiled on them. While you . . . you’re just not a very good person.
Shigeru: T-T
Professor Okito: That’s right, remember well. All those missed attacks on your side, and all the criticals and status haxes on the other side . . . that’s really God punishing you for your sin.
Shigeru: T-T
Satoshi: I’m a pokemon master!!
Shirona: Come on Satoshi-- there's this hall of fame thing in the back where we pokemon masters can be alone. ~<3
Props and Slops
Props:
-Pikachu!! Taking out 3 of the enemy pokemon!!
-Donphan, for knocking off scarf that made pika’s kill possible, taking hits like a champ, and spinning.
-The other pokemon, who did their best to support Pikachu and not get in his way!
-My Opponent! For also running an awesome theme team!
-Gastrodon! For switching in and walling double nasty plot light orbed attacks!! O.o
-To Shigeru, for getting the blunt of all the jokes and taking ‘em like a man (Sorry to all the Gary fans out there—he’s just so fun to make fun of)
-Kumar, for approving another of my warstories!
Slops:
-Me, for the stupidity with Heracross
-Me, for being too chicken to use Seismic Toss Charizard. -_-
-I’m still pissed with Satoshi for not catching a Blissey! (Or a steal type!!)
Not too much slops, it was a great battle :D
And remember kids! The Hax Gods are watching!! O.o
