RMJ [Rate My Joke]

Albatross

Albatross

Loosely Resembling Some Variety Of Bird
is a Top Artistis a Community Contributor
Trying to snag the partner of your dreams but you need some help with a funny pickup line? Want some experienced eyes to look over your funny haha idea for a thread? Innocent bystander that wanted to see what the fuck I was smoking today? (albatross' certified hit of the day is enamel btw please do not inhale paint fumes or lock this thread mods thanks xoxox) Well then look no further fuckerinos, because today is your lucky day!

After a total of 5 minutes of planning while I was on the crapper, I am proud to present the first and probably last ever RMJ [Rate My Joke]!

What is Rate My Joke?​
Basically peer reviewed jokery. You post a joke, esteemed users rate it, bada bing bada boom everyones happy
RMJ Submission:
1624489001820.png

RMJ Rate:
Cool me-me, I like the funny vegetable people. Please put the text in Impact font, I hear that's fucking hilarious

RMJ Submission:
To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Rick and Morty. The humor is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics most of the jokes will go over a typical viewer's head. There's also Rick's nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation - his personal philosophy draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realize that they're not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Rick and Morty truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in Rick's existencial catchphrase "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev's Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Dan Harmon's genius unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools... how I pity them. And yes by the way, I DO have a Rick and Morty tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies' eyes only- And even they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand.

RMJ Rate:
This is funny. You should use more funny words like addlepated, thats a good word. use more words.

Yeah
Rule and Guidelines
Read these rules you fucking hobgoblins
For Posting Jokes:​
  1. Don't post incomplete jokes - this means actually complete the fucking joke before you send it here holy shit guys, what do I look like some kind of comedian?​
  2. Each joke requires a description. It doesn't have to be about the joke. I just like reading. We expect at least 1 line of description on desktop for each member. The better the description, the more epic Reddit karma I'll give you​
  3. Make sure your joke does not include dead memes. Before other esteemed users can help you with your joke, you need to make sure it does not include any unfunny not-haha jokes. We are here to improve jokes, not make jokes for you. If you're inexperienced then I suggest using this website as a guide on how to be funny​
  4. Don't spam I swear to fuck I will actually reverse the polar caps if you do​
  5. If nobody RMJ's your joke for like, a day or something, then​
1624483509028.png


For Rating Jokes:​
  1. Make sure your post is constructive. No "hahaha this joke cringe, go die in a hole you scrublord (pwned)," that's not nice and we're not here to put anyone down for having different comedic tastes, even if they are objectively wrong. You can ask questions about the joke if you want to as well ig​
  2. Before attempting to RMJ a joke, Be Funny. Any rate that shows Lack Of Funny will be ridiculed by Me, the Owner Of This Thread​
  3. Be respectful when providing feedback and don't mini-mod yeah this one is lifted straight from the RMT rules but fuck you I do what I want​
  4. Avoid drastically changing the original joke. You can change the diction, pacing, timing, whatever, but try and keep the Spirit of the Joke intact
  5. Explain your suggestions. That's it. Just say why you think your version is funnier. Do it. Fucking do it. You won't. Coward.
Guide on How to Post an RMJ​
  1. Read the rules dicknuts​
  2. Scroll down to that little section with the box that says "Write your reply..." and click on the box​
  3. Copy and paste, insert, or write out your joke​
  4. Provide a brief description, as outlined in rule #2 of "For Posting Jokes"​
  5. Click the button that says "Post Reply"​
  6. Post the Reply​
  7. Profit​

Guide on How To RMJ a J​
  1. I am so tired of writing these shitting rules hot damn
  2. Take a look at the joke and try and understand it. Feel the joke. Embrace the joke. Become one with the joke. This is helpful.
  3. After understanding how the joke functions, making the joke more funny is the next step. Try to identify the not funnies
  4. I'm so tired I regret making this thread but I'm too far in now I gotta pull through
  5. Fuck it just read this and replace the word "team" with "joke"
Helpful Resources​
ifunny.co

Current Licenced Joke Raters
or Jokers for short​
  • Albatr0ss (Very cool and funny individual)​
  • That's it​
  • If you want to apply for Licenced Joke Rater then build a shrine dedicated to me and send me a picture on Discord or on Smogon. That would be funny. Or just ask maybe idk​
  • You don't get anything for being licenced​
  • Ok well I might draw a shitty badge but that's it​

In Conclusion​
I am five seconds away from complete and utter mental shutdown but at least I still have my excellent comedic taste

Happy posting everyone (:
 
What did the oceanographer say after getting hit by a big wave in the ocean?
“Everything hertz.”
This joke is funny because hertz is the measurement of energy in a wave, and it sounds like hurts.
 
can you expand on what constitutes an “esteemed user?”

i don’t mean to be ungrateful, but my jokes deserve only the highest quality rates
 
az said:
knock knock
Click to expand...
Ignore UNesteemed user Total ASSfairy, this is a funny joke and I'll give it a sexy sexy 9/10

TheSnoom said:
What did the oceanographer say after getting hit by a big wave in the ocean?
“Everything hertz.”
This joke is funny because hertz is the measurement of energy in a wave, and it sounds like hurts.
Click to expand...
This joke is funny, I agree, but I think you should add a reference to this hit new Internet trend, you might've heard of it its called Fortnite? Yeah drop a fortnite reference in there kids love that

antemortem said:
can you expand on what constitutes an “esteemed user?”

i don’t mean to be ungrateful, but my jokes deserve only the highest quality rates
Click to expand...
  • Be funny
That's it, hope this helps (:

BP said:
I'm on a sea food diet. I see fish and I eat them
Click to expand...
Quality joke from a quality jokster, my only suggestion is that you should change "see" to "sea" in case the person reading the joke is fucking stupid and doesn't understand how comedy works


Great jokes everyone, lets keep 'em coming (funny sex word)
 
eden said:
TruView attachment 352430
Click to expand...
I don't know where this is from, but its anime and anime is widely considered to be very funny. I think you could've named the image something funnier though, like "omg AMOGUS impOSTER??", as among us is very popular nowadays

Erphuan the Fluffy said:
Normal Horse
Click to expand...
Total Clefairy said:
ooh! ooh! i get this one!!!
Click to expand...
Inside jokes are always funny, clever, original, and appreciated. I know this because I get the joke
Funny joke, 9/10, good work fellas
 
An impotent man sits down to drink a few beers and watch the football game. During commercial he reflects on what's gone wrong. His wife divorced him due to his inability to provide offspring, his dog died, and he lost his only friend the year prior to a speed boating accident. The man sighs as he realizes that this is life and he needs to accept the fact he'll never have kids.

Later that night he sees a shooting star and wishes for a son. The man wishes to fill that hole in his life. After work at the coal mine the next day the man comes home and resumes his place in his recliner. He's about to doze off when he hears his doorbell ring. The man opens the door to see who it is but sees no one. Just before closing it he notices a large jar filled with Whale Semen at his feet. At that moment he knew that his wish had come true and that he finally had a son.

The man puts this jar of whale semen through school. The Jar of whale semen scores the best out of all his classmates on the standardized tests and enrolls in a preppy highschool thanks to some scholarships. While there the Jar of whale semen flexes its academic prowess and graduates the top of its class as the only valedictorian. After graduation the Jar of whale semen enrolls in Harvard School of law.

At Harvard the Jar of whale semen again graduates with full marks at the top of its class. The man was extremely proud of his son. 15 years down the road and Jar of Whale semen is full fledged prosecutor. Well one day while in the courtroom about to win the OJ Simpson case and get him sent to Jail he receives a call during Recess.

Its from the hospital and the doctor on the other end says "Come quickly your dead is not doing so well he's got late stage testicular cancer and it's spread everywhere."

The jar of whale semen comes as fast as he can to the hospital and sees his father laying in bed on life support.

The jar of whale semen confronts his father and says, "Dad I want to thank you for everything you've done for me, I know it's been hard with me busy all the time with work but I love you so much and I'm so thankful I had you in my life"

The father replies in his last dying breath, "your whale cum"
 
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This thread has inspired me to make a joke:

A man walks into a bar. He says, "Ow!" The owner laughs at him, "Nice job walking into my ironically placed bar (long metal object) inside my bar (place where people meet up to drink and enjoy themselves), jackass!" Infuriated, the man calls a building inspector, who ends up shutting the bar down due to the egregious safety violation.

While initially satisfied with this revenge, it is not long before he feels the flames of rage resurface, wanting an even grander revenge on the owner. But he can never quite muster up the courage to actually confront him again. Eventually, the owner dies. No longer burdened by the fear of retaliation, the man walks up to his tombstone, spits on it, and mutters, "...b-bitch."

As he walks away, he feels the wind blowing behind him. He turns around, and a blinding light appears before him. He can hardly comprehend what he's seeing, but quickly makes out a familiar face: the owner. "Please, let us cease this conflict. I was young and stupid, but holding on to this bitterness has corrupted your soul." Tears in his eyes, the man realizes his folly. "Can...can I be saved?", he asks. "Yes, child. Step into the light." The man does so, and ascends into heaven. He hugs the owner, and says, "I'm sorry." The owner hugs him back. "Leave the past behind. Just come with me and we will find your place in heaven." They walk off together into the pearly gates, and eventually make their way to a closed door. The owner places his hand on the doorknob and says, "Alright, here we are. Let's go inside."

The man walks into a Bar exam. "What?" he asks, exasperated. The owner smirks ever so slightly and explains, "Yeah, the lawyers took over heaven a a few years back, got God on some sorta contract. So you have to pass this in order to stay in heaven. Good luck!" Having never studied the law in his life, the man fails miserably and is cast into the pits of hell. The owner laughs at him for eternity.

Let me know what you think.
 
Last edited:
BP said:
An impotent man sits down to drink a few beers and watch the football game. During commercial he reflects on what's gone wrong. His wife divorced him due to his inability to provide offspring, his dog died, and he lost his only friend the year prior to a speed boating accident. The man sighs as he realizes that this is life and he needs to accept the fact he'll never have kids.

Later that night he sees a shooting star and wishes for a son. The man wishes to fill that hole in his life. After work at the coal mine the next day the man comes home and resumes his place in his recliner. He's about to doze off when he hears his doorbell ring. The man opens the door to see who it is but sees no one. Just before closing it he notices a large jar filled with Whale Semen at his feet. At that moment he knew that his wish had come true and that he finally had a son.

The man puts this jar of whale semen through school. The Jar of whale semen scores the best out of all his classmates on the standardized tests and enrolls in a preppy highschool thanks to some scholarships. While there the Jar of whale semen flexes its academic prowess and graduates the top of its class as the only valedictorian. After graduation the Jar of whale semen enrolls in Harvard School of law.

At Harvard the Jar of whale semen again graduates with full marks at the top of its class. The man was extremely proud of his son. 15 years down the road and Jar of Whale semen is full fledged prosecutor. Well one day while in the courtroom about to win the OJ Simpson case and get him sent to Jail he receives a call during Recess.

Its from the hospital and the doctor on the other end says "Come quickly your dead is not doing so well he's got late stage testicular cancer and it's spread everywhere."

The jar of whale semen comes as fast as he can to the hospital and sees his father laying in bed on life support.

The jar of whale semen confronts his father and says, "Dad I want to thank you for everything you've done for me, I know it's been hard with me busy all the time with work but I love you so much and I'm so thankful I had you in my life"

The father replies in his last dying breath, "your whale cum"
Click to expand...
now this is a funny joke. the funny is that user:bp spends the entire post building up to the punchline, which you expect to be a brilliant play on words relating to this ridiculous setup. then, the punchline is jjust "your whale cum", acknowledging the craziness of this setup and using improper grammar for further comedic effect. 9/10
 
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