1. a guy that thinks he's fly; known as a buster, sits on his broke ass
2. a guy that can't get no love from me, hanging out the passenger's side of his best friend's ride, trying to holler at me
3. often: a) doesn't have a car and is walking, b) lives at home with his momma, c) has a shorty but doesn't show love, d) wants to get me with no money
Historians have studied the nature of the "scrub" for thousands of years. This phenomenon began in the Paleozoic Era, when adolescent dinosaurs would try to holla at fine pieces of ass while hunting for their prey. But it didn't stop there. During the Zhou Dynasty of China circa 746 B.C. in times of famine and poor harvest, many a scrub approach women despite living at home with they momma because they simply could not afford to fend for themselves. Even still, throughout The Renaissance in many Italian cities, including Florence and Venice, scrubs would walk along the market with swag, collars popped, slacks sagging, seeking a female companion, only to reveal later on that they hang around all day instead of seeking stable income.
Today, the scrub is much easier to spot. With the advent of social media, all it takes is a single Tweet or Facebook post from a burned shawty broadcasting how scummy her man is for the entire world to know and thus for his reputation as a playa to be ruined and his credibility with the ladies to be diminished.
Today during this Rate My Team, we will discuss the modern scrub and the many ways to spot one.
Regice @ Choice Specs | Clear Body
160 HP / 252 SpA / 96 Spe | Modest
Ice Beam / Thunderbolt / Focus Blast / Sleep Talk
One of the many ways to spot a scrub is to watch out for how much he asks for things. Is he constantly borrowing money from you? Probably a scrub. Does he ask for rides everywhere? Almost definitely a scrub. Ladies, don't let your man keep you down. He's supposed to be the man in the relationship--not you. If he can't even fend for himself, how are you supposed to create a life together?
When you find yourself dating a scrub, the best solution is to destroy him. Specs Regice does that. Regice is a weird Pokemon in NU and one that it took me a long time to learn how to properly utilize. The best way to take advantage of it is to use it as an offensive tank. With massive special bulk, Regice can switch into a lot of special attackers in NU, but it can't do so multiple times throughout the match. By slapping Specs onto Regice, you give it the ability to switch in and strike back, really taking advantage of the switches it can get against many teams.
Prinplup @ Eviolite | Torrent
252 HP / 4 Def / 252 SpD | Calm
Stealth Rock / Scald / Defog / Toxic
Another excellent way to know whether or not your man is a scrub is that he is a druggie. You want a clean man who you can take home to your parents, who you can start a family with, who you can trust. How are you supposed to lock down your man if he can't even control himself? Don't let him tell you that he only lights up every once and a while; if he lights up at all, it's too much. You're a strong, independent woman, and you can do better baby.
When your man is into drugs, you need to clear him from your life and protect yourself from him ever coming back. Prinplup's got you covered. With Defog and Stealth Rock, not only does he clear your life from the hazardous conditions that your man left behind, but he also makes sure that guy never wants to come back. Prinplup is probably the best hazard remover in NU because it's so bulky and can remove hazards and then set some for you. I'm using a specially defensive spread on this team because Prinplup is the only Fire resist on this team, and it's absolutely necessary to keep it alive and healthy to check threats such as Specs Typhlosion.
Lilligant @ Meadow Plate | Chlorophyll
252 SpA / 4 SpD / 252 Spe | Timid
Sleep Powder / Giga Drain / Quiver Dance / Nature Power
Just because your man isn't into drugs and doesn't bum off you all the time doesn't mean he's the right one for you. A man can also be a scrub if he has no car. Thankfully, this one is much easier to spot immediately, and you can back away immediately if you see this from him. An independent man needs a way to get around, and there's no good way to do that without a car. Motorcycles don't count either; he still needs to get around in the winter.
Once again, Lilligant has you covered. If your man can't get around, Lilligant can make up for it by getting up and dancing. Quiver Dance Lilligant offers a few important things for this team. First off, it gives us a win condition against stall. Though it certainly won't be sweeping a well-built stall team from Team Preview, it gives you a way to finish the match once you've broken their core with Regice and Scyther. It also gives us an important check to Lanturn, one of the few defensive Pokemon in NU that Regice has no way to beat. Because Ferroseed is virtually non-existent due to the presence of Mega Steelix, Hidden Power Fire really isn't necessary. Instead, Nature Power: Tri Attack is a stronger neutral coverage move that comes with the benefits of occasionally inflicting status and dodging Sucker Punch.
Xatu @ Colbur Berry | Magic Bounce
248 HP / 84 Def / 176 Speed | Timid
Psyshock / Roost / Heat Wave / U-turn
Sometimes all a man has to offer is sex, and when that's the case, you should break it off immediately. Don't be fooled by how killer he is in bed--there's usually a reason for that. He probably has a lot of sex, which isn't something you want in a man, and even if he doesn't, there's still some reason why he's good at what he does. He probably has plenty of spare time to practice because he doesn't have any responsibilities! Don't ditch your man just because he's good at sex, but don't keep him around just because he's good at sex either.
Xatu has so much more to offer your team than your man does, so let him do his thing. Even though we have a Defog user, offensive teams are great at keeping up pressure and preventing you from finding the turns you need to remove hazards. Xatu denies this and also offers us a Fighting resist, which, as Soulgazer always says, you need at least two of on every team. Xatu also keeps up offensive momentum with U-turn by coming in on something that can't touch it and then pivoting into one of our offensive threats while the opponent switches into something more threatening themselves. The Speed EVs allow Xatu to outrun Jolly Sawk, which would be very threatening to this team without the Speed investment.
Scyther @ Choice Band | Technician
252 Atk / 4 Def / 252 Spe | Jolly
Aerial Ace / U-turn / Knock Off / Quick Attack
Do a background check on your man. You can do it online for free, and it can give you information that he will never give you himself. If your man is a criminal, you need to deal with him. You're trying to find a man you can trust, someone who will be there for you and will think before he acts. How can you expect these qualities from a convict? That's right--you can't. So if he tries to fuck with you, cut him.
And if you can't bring yourself to cut him, Scyther can. Choice Band Scyther is an insanely powerful offensive threat, and many teams are unprepared for it because people don't know how to use Flying resists when they don't use Mega Steelix. Most importantly, Scyther does an amazing job of helping Regice tear teams apart. When the opponent switches into something to take a hit from Scyther, you can simply U-turn into Regice and start clicking Ice Beam, especially against slower Pokemon and bulky Water-types that can't do much to Regice. Quick Attack is also our only priority on the team, so it's really important to keep around while the opponent still has faster Pokemon that could clean our team.
Steelix @ Steelixite | Sturdy
152 HP / 248 Atk / 16 Def / 92 Spe | Impish
Heavy Slam / Earthquake / Stone Edge / Roar
Just because your man isn't into drugs doesn't mean that he isn't bringing down your life in some way. If you find yourself stranded, looking for your man frequently, wondering where he is and why he won't answer your calls or texts, it is probably time to kick him to the curb. Some men like to jump ship and then come back when they need something, trying to butter you up and convince you that they won't disappear again, but his word is worth about as much as his reliability in the past--nothing.
When your man isn't there for you, it's pretty safe to rely on Mega Steelix because it checks about half the meta on its own. With massive bulk and the ability to serve as an offensive threat at the same time, Mega Steelix is an easy fit onto this team, which relies on soft checking most things and winning the game through sustained offensive pressure with bulky Pokemon. Because we already have Prinplup to set Stealth Rock, Steelix's last move is more flexible. At the moment, I'm running Roar in order to phase out offensive threats. The spread is pretty standard with some Speed to creep many defensive Pokemon, but I'm also running an Impish nature because it heavily accentuates Mega Steelix's already fantastic physical bulk.
Now that we understand the history of scrubs and how to spot one, none of us should ever have to settle for one. This team can further aid you in your quest to keep your love life scrub-free, so try it out. Specs Regice is a really strong set, and it works very well in this metagame because there are so few offensive Ice-types that no one really goes out of their way to cover them outside of slapping a Hariyama on their team, which this team has covered. Unfortunately, it does have a bit of a weakness to Life Orb Magmortar and pretty much any Fire-type that can tackle Prinplup, but other than that, it's a really solid team. Even that weakness isn't terrible because 1. Typhlosion is pretty much the only Fire-type in NU and 2. with enough offensive pressure, even those can be handled. Try it out, and make sure you let every scrub know that you want none of their kind.
Regice @ Choice Specs
Ability: Clear Body
EVs: 160 HP / 252 SpA / 96 Spe
Modest Nature
IVs: 0 Atk
- Ice Beam
- Thunderbolt
- Focus Blast
- Sleep Talk
Prinplup @ Eviolite
Ability: Torrent
EVs: 248 HP / 248 SpD / 12 Spe
Calm Nature
IVs: 0 Atk
- Stealth Rock
- Scald
- Defog
- Toxic
Lilligant (F) @ Meadow Plate
Ability: Chlorophyll
EVs: 252 SpA / 4 SpD / 252 Spe
Timid Nature
IVs: 0 Atk
- Sleep Powder
- Giga Drain
- Quiver Dance
- Nature Power
Xatu @ Colbur Berry
Ability: Magic Bounce
EVs: 248 HP / 84 Def / 176 Spe
Timid Nature
- Psyshock
- Heat Wave
- Roost
- U-turn
Scyther @ Choice Band
Ability: Technician
EVs: 252 Atk / 4 SpD / 252 Spe
Jolly Nature
- Aerial Ace
- Knock Off
- U-turn
- Quick Attack
Steelix @ Steelixite
Ability: Sturdy
EVs: 152 HP / 248 Atk / 16 Def / 92 Spe
Impish Nature
- Heavy Slam
- Earthquake
- Stone Edge
- Roar
Ability: Clear Body
EVs: 160 HP / 252 SpA / 96 Spe
Modest Nature
IVs: 0 Atk
- Ice Beam
- Thunderbolt
- Focus Blast
- Sleep Talk
Prinplup @ Eviolite
Ability: Torrent
EVs: 248 HP / 248 SpD / 12 Spe
Calm Nature
IVs: 0 Atk
- Stealth Rock
- Scald
- Defog
- Toxic
Lilligant (F) @ Meadow Plate
Ability: Chlorophyll
EVs: 252 SpA / 4 SpD / 252 Spe
Timid Nature
IVs: 0 Atk
- Sleep Powder
- Giga Drain
- Quiver Dance
- Nature Power
Xatu @ Colbur Berry
Ability: Magic Bounce
EVs: 248 HP / 84 Def / 176 Spe
Timid Nature
- Psyshock
- Heat Wave
- Roost
- U-turn
Scyther @ Choice Band
Ability: Technician
EVs: 252 Atk / 4 SpD / 252 Spe
Jolly Nature
- Aerial Ace
- Knock Off
- U-turn
- Quick Attack
Steelix @ Steelixite
Ability: Sturdy
EVs: 152 HP / 248 Atk / 16 Def / 92 Spe
Impish Nature
- Heavy Slam
- Earthquake
- Stone Edge
- Roar
