This is going to be one of my longer posts on this forum, and I trust this community enough to confide in you feelings that are very personal. Thanks ahead of time for reading through this.
My mom used to have a ton of friends, and a social life. Her best friend, Georgia, lived a couple miles from us, and our two families did everything together. My sister was best friends with her daughters, and her husband had a lot in common with my dad, and they all loved me [I was the baby of everyone] so I have a ton of fond memories spanning almost all of my childhood into my teens of this family. In the early 2000s, both my mom and Georgia got divorces, and stood side by side, always there for each other. Still, my mom sunk into depression; but then in 2004, she met a guy who was mutual friends with her co-workers, and he was the perfect match for her. Someone from the midwest, a lot more conservative than my dad, and an overall nice guy. They married in 2005, and my sister got married a few months later. Georgia attended both weddings, so it seemed like they were solid friends.
A few years passed by and I started thinking "man, I haven't seen Georgia in a long time" so I asked my sister what was up because my mom isn't truthful to me with her feelings (unless she's getting on my case of not living up to everyone's expectations, turning down a job designing radars for navy submarines). According to my mother, at my stepdad's birthday party, Georgia had flirted with him. Knowing that my mom always assumes the worst possibility of any situation, both my sister and I knew that she was delusional and was ultimately full of shit. Alas, they became estranged, and haven't met up yet despite several attempts on Georgia's part to get together and hash out whatever the hell is going on. A lady who was like a second mom to me and fierce friends with my mom for almost two decades suddenly disappeared from my life.
After that time, my stepdad revealed his true self. He's not abusive, in fact he loves my mom deeply. The thing is, despite being an overall good guy, treating my mom like a queen and providing for her, he has his faults like all of us. He is a not-so-closet racist, making backhanded remarks about people's ethnicity. He is extremely conservative and watches Faux News for hours a day. My mom has become very antisocial, and has gone from having open-minded, moderate political views and being very welcoming to people of all races and religions, to a person with a ton of prejudices that seem very unnatural for the woman who raised me (sometimes I wonder if she really harbors these feelings or if she is putting on a show for my stepdad). This is a lady who once welcomed a very nice young Indian man at the university where she works, who she had only known for a few days, into our home for a family meal. She is a very good cook, and made authentic Indian food for the occasion. My sister and I had never met any Indian people before, both attending small private schools with mostly white people (and a few first generation Mexicans), and we would have never met an Indian person during our childhoods. That hospitality and tolerance has disappeared.
Over time, she has isolated herself from all of her previous friends; her only friends are the couple who introduced her to my stepdad, another co-worker and his wife, and high school friends who live 1800 miles away. I miss the days when my mom had friends, was open minded, and wasn't glued to Fox News or crying on the floor (literally) over a black Democrat being re-elected for president.
After years of watching my mom slip back into depression and become a recluse, I recently walked into the closet of my childhood bedroom to get a look at all of my old video-game boxes and grab some college textbooks that I had left there. Also inside the closet were many boxes labeled "photos." I looked up and saw another box --- marked "Georgia." I didn't have time to get a look inside, but having a box full of what were likely memoirs of their friendship gave me a lot of hope! I had tried to contact Georgia two years ago, texting her a few minutes after I got engaged, with no response (I recently found out it was a landline lol). In the past few months I have found myself thinking about Georgia and her family, reliving fond memories of a previous life. I talked to my sister about it and she encouraged me to give her a call; so I did.
I totally caught her by surprise, but she was so excited to hear from me. We updated each other on ours and our family's lives. To give you a perspective on how disconnected our families became, she didn't know that I got a bachelor's AND a master's, nor did she know that my sister was sinced divorced, remarried, moved to Colorado, or that she has a daughter. A lady who was so close to my mom for so many years literally knew nothing about our lives over the past decade. It confirmed to me that there was literally zero contact between the two of them. Georgia had tried several times during that time to get together, but my mom turned her down time after time.
It just so happens that I have a knack for music, and Georgia has appreciated it since I was a child. For the past 3 years I have played bass for my church's worship team, frequently playing sunday morning services as well as enormous holiday services in Christmas Eve and Easter morning. I tried parent-trapping them on Easter, but it was very last minute and Georgia already had plans. I have a strong belief that I can bring the two together for the first time in 10 years just to see me play music. I really want this to happen; they would have no choice but to acknowledge each other's existence. I could invite everyone to brunch after service. This seems dangerous though; I know Georgia would totally be down for it, but my mom could go either way. Should I attempt this? If not, what can I do to re-unite the two, salvaging an old friendship and hopefully bring my mom out of her shell?
My mom used to have a ton of friends, and a social life. Her best friend, Georgia, lived a couple miles from us, and our two families did everything together. My sister was best friends with her daughters, and her husband had a lot in common with my dad, and they all loved me [I was the baby of everyone] so I have a ton of fond memories spanning almost all of my childhood into my teens of this family. In the early 2000s, both my mom and Georgia got divorces, and stood side by side, always there for each other. Still, my mom sunk into depression; but then in 2004, she met a guy who was mutual friends with her co-workers, and he was the perfect match for her. Someone from the midwest, a lot more conservative than my dad, and an overall nice guy. They married in 2005, and my sister got married a few months later. Georgia attended both weddings, so it seemed like they were solid friends.
A few years passed by and I started thinking "man, I haven't seen Georgia in a long time" so I asked my sister what was up because my mom isn't truthful to me with her feelings (unless she's getting on my case of not living up to everyone's expectations, turning down a job designing radars for navy submarines). According to my mother, at my stepdad's birthday party, Georgia had flirted with him. Knowing that my mom always assumes the worst possibility of any situation, both my sister and I knew that she was delusional and was ultimately full of shit. Alas, they became estranged, and haven't met up yet despite several attempts on Georgia's part to get together and hash out whatever the hell is going on. A lady who was like a second mom to me and fierce friends with my mom for almost two decades suddenly disappeared from my life.
After that time, my stepdad revealed his true self. He's not abusive, in fact he loves my mom deeply. The thing is, despite being an overall good guy, treating my mom like a queen and providing for her, he has his faults like all of us. He is a not-so-closet racist, making backhanded remarks about people's ethnicity. He is extremely conservative and watches Faux News for hours a day. My mom has become very antisocial, and has gone from having open-minded, moderate political views and being very welcoming to people of all races and religions, to a person with a ton of prejudices that seem very unnatural for the woman who raised me (sometimes I wonder if she really harbors these feelings or if she is putting on a show for my stepdad). This is a lady who once welcomed a very nice young Indian man at the university where she works, who she had only known for a few days, into our home for a family meal. She is a very good cook, and made authentic Indian food for the occasion. My sister and I had never met any Indian people before, both attending small private schools with mostly white people (and a few first generation Mexicans), and we would have never met an Indian person during our childhoods. That hospitality and tolerance has disappeared.
Over time, she has isolated herself from all of her previous friends; her only friends are the couple who introduced her to my stepdad, another co-worker and his wife, and high school friends who live 1800 miles away. I miss the days when my mom had friends, was open minded, and wasn't glued to Fox News or crying on the floor (literally) over a black Democrat being re-elected for president.
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After years of watching my mom slip back into depression and become a recluse, I recently walked into the closet of my childhood bedroom to get a look at all of my old video-game boxes and grab some college textbooks that I had left there. Also inside the closet were many boxes labeled "photos." I looked up and saw another box --- marked "Georgia." I didn't have time to get a look inside, but having a box full of what were likely memoirs of their friendship gave me a lot of hope! I had tried to contact Georgia two years ago, texting her a few minutes after I got engaged, with no response (I recently found out it was a landline lol). In the past few months I have found myself thinking about Georgia and her family, reliving fond memories of a previous life. I talked to my sister about it and she encouraged me to give her a call; so I did.
I totally caught her by surprise, but she was so excited to hear from me. We updated each other on ours and our family's lives. To give you a perspective on how disconnected our families became, she didn't know that I got a bachelor's AND a master's, nor did she know that my sister was sinced divorced, remarried, moved to Colorado, or that she has a daughter. A lady who was so close to my mom for so many years literally knew nothing about our lives over the past decade. It confirmed to me that there was literally zero contact between the two of them. Georgia had tried several times during that time to get together, but my mom turned her down time after time.
==============================
It just so happens that I have a knack for music, and Georgia has appreciated it since I was a child. For the past 3 years I have played bass for my church's worship team, frequently playing sunday morning services as well as enormous holiday services in Christmas Eve and Easter morning. I tried parent-trapping them on Easter, but it was very last minute and Georgia already had plans. I have a strong belief that I can bring the two together for the first time in 10 years just to see me play music. I really want this to happen; they would have no choice but to acknowledge each other's existence. I could invite everyone to brunch after service. This seems dangerous though; I know Georgia would totally be down for it, but my mom could go either way. Should I attempt this? If not, what can I do to re-unite the two, salvaging an old friendship and hopefully bring my mom out of her shell?
