I'm Evil Now

Albatross

Albatross

Loosely Resembling Some Variety Of Bird
is a Top Artistis a Community Contributor
No more Ms. Nice Albatross. No Siree, I am certified, bonerfied, verified evil. Got a certificate to prove it and everything

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I am a certified evil person now

My current list of evil deeds, if written out onto a scroll, would be able to wrap around the entire Earth at least 4 times. That's how evil I am. God I'm so incredibly fucking evil. Although stretching out this post for unnecessary reasons is incredibly evil, I don't have the time to partake in that particular act of evil, so instead I will provide a TLDR: of all my evil deeds:
  • Went to the supermarket - I willingly and purposely engaged in Capitalism, which we all know is the root of all evil
  • Ate some eggs on toast - Eating eggs is evil because they came from a local farmer, so I am not supporting supermarkets by buying their shitty battery hen eggs, ergo this is an act of evil. Also I don't rate toast so I lied about the eggs being "on toast", they were actually on bread. Lying is evil so this is 2x the evil
  • Brushed my dog - This is an incredibly evil act. Not only does he not like being brushed, I also ran a flea comb through him, effectively murdering hundreds upon thousands upon millions of innocent fleas. I hear flea genocide is a war crime, so this is also evil
  • Went on The Internet - We all know the Internet is evil and bad
  • Listened to some music - This should be common knowledge; music is the spawn of satan and is therefore very, very bad
  • Ate a lump of blue cheese - Blue is the most evil colour, and cheese is probably of a neutral evil alignment I think
  • Posted on Smogoff - I've made a very easy and not at all original joke, easily making me the #1 evil person

Anyways stay tuned for more tales of my evil exploits fellas (:
 
Albatr0ss said:
No more Ms. Nice Albatross. No Siree, I am certified, bonerfied, verified evil. Got a certificate to prove it and everything

View attachment 350276

I am a certified evil person now

My current list of evil deeds, if written out onto a scroll, would be able to wrap around the entire Earth at least 4 times. That's how evil I am. God I'm so incredibly fucking evil. Although stretching out this post for unnecessary reasons is incredibly evil, I don't have the time to partake in that particular act of evil, so instead I will provide a TLDR: of all my evil deeds:
  • Went to the supermarket - I willingly and purposely engaged in Capitalism, which we all know is the root of all evil
  • Ate some eggs on toast - Eating eggs is evil because they came from a local farmer, so I am not supporting supermarkets by buying their shitty battery hen eggs, ergo this is an act of evil. Also I don't rate toast so I lied about the eggs being "on toast", they were actually on bread. Lying is evil so this is 2x the evil
  • Brushed my dog - This is an incredibly evil act. Not only does he not like being brushed, I also ran a flea comb through him, effectively murdering hundreds upon thousands upon millions of innocent fleas. I hear flea genocide is a war crime, so this is also evil
  • Went on The Internet - We all know the Internet is evil and bad
  • Listened to some music - This should be common knowledge; music is the spawn of satan and is therefore very, very bad
  • Ate a lump of blue cheese - Blue is the most evil colour, and cheese is probably of a neutral evil alignment I think
  • Posted on Smogoff - I've made a very easy and not at all original joke, easily making me the #1 evil person

Anyways stay tuned for more tales of my evil exploits fellas (:
Click to expand...

The true evil here is the comic sans on the certificate
 
There's no chance you'll ever amount to being a serious evildoer. Just look at that certificate. Buddy,,, there is no 18th month. There are only 12 months. Imagine thinking that you're some badass evil guy, but you can't even write a date properly. Get a grip.

You make that kind of goof around Skeletor and he'll insult you back to being a good guy in no time flat. Clean it up.
 
Albatr0ss said:
No more Ms. Nice Albatross. No Siree, I am certified, bonerfied, verified evil. Got a certificate to prove it and everything

View attachment 350276

I am a certified evil person now

My current list of evil deeds, if written out onto a scroll, would be able to wrap around the entire Earth at least 4 times. That's how evil I am. God I'm so incredibly fucking evil. Although stretching out this post for unnecessary reasons is incredibly evil, I don't have the time to partake in that particular act of evil, so instead I will provide a TLDR: of all my evil deeds:
  • Went to the supermarket - I willingly and purposely engaged in Capitalism, which we all know is the root of all evil
  • Ate some eggs on toast - Eating eggs is evil because they came from a local farmer, so I am not supporting supermarkets by buying their shitty battery hen eggs, ergo this is an act of evil. Also I don't rate toast so I lied about the eggs being "on toast", they were actually on bread. Lying is evil so this is 2x the evil
  • Brushed my dog - This is an incredibly evil act. Not only does he not like being brushed, I also ran a flea comb through him, effectively murdering hundreds upon thousands upon millions of innocent fleas. I hear flea genocide is a war crime, so this is also evil
  • Went on The Internet - We all know the Internet is evil and bad
  • Listened to some music - This should be common knowledge; music is the spawn of satan and is therefore very, very bad
  • Ate a lump of blue cheese - Blue is the most evil colour, and cheese is probably of a neutral evil alignment I think
  • Posted on Smogoff - I've made a very easy and not at all original joke, easily making me the #1 evil person

Anyways stay tuned for more tales of my evil exploits fellas (:
Click to expand...
Capitalism isn't bad. If you are all so poor then why don't you just buy more money? Smh
 
ButteredToast said:
There's no chance you'll ever amount to being a serious evildoer. Just look at that certificate. Buddy,,, there is no 18th month. There are only 12 months. Imagine thinking that you're some badass evil guy, but you can't even write a date properly. Get a grip.

You make that kind of goof around Skeletor and he'll insult you back to being a good guy in no time flat. Clean it up.
Click to expand...
My true evilness comes from my complete and utter disregard for America's date writing system. Date/Month/Year gang rise up

かたわれ時 said:
If someone can insult me into being good I’ll be very happy
But I also wouldn’t want to do it :/
Click to expand...
Don't worry buddy, I got you

*ahem*
If you were a cheese you'd be a cazu marzu
Ok are you good now? Yah you'd better be.


Anyways my new evil deed for today is breathing. I am stealing oxygen directly from the lungs of newborn infants, which makes me tonights most evil sonofabitch
 
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