Since
MajorBowman unceremoniously took my captain signup post out back by the wood shed and gave it the ol' ruskie 2 barrel salute, I am posting it here to appeal to the masses as an esteemed captain of many semi-successful premier league team (singular).
Name: tennisace
Timezone: EST
Questionnaire:
1. If you were to create a new team for DPL, what would be its name and mascot? If you have artwork, please post it!
YAMSING YAMPERS, lead by our glorious mascot THOR THE CORGI
2. Why do you love DUU?
I've never lost a game of SS DUU. I've also never played a game of SS DUU but given my current win% it's impossible for me to lose. Given my current win% though it's also impossible for me to win. Impossible tier, DRU when??
3. Do you ever feel, like a plastic bag?
You mean like an empty husk? Filled once, serving a purpose elatedly, living out your life's dream, full of joy and devoid of fear? Then suddenly emptied, callously, having your heart and soul and gallbladder and spleen torn out of you, leaving you to be tossed aside in a dark side cabinet next to the brooms and dustpans, hoping some day, ONE DAY, to feel that high again, to feel
wanted? No, can't say I do ever feel that.
4. Why should you be chosen to be a captain in DPL?
After the fifth skin graft, my doctor told me to find something else to do with my hands or they're going to remove them and donate them to starving children. I asked them why they couldn't just take a foot instead, but the doctor insisted "if you give those little shits a foot, they'll take a mile, and you're roughly 5,278 feet short for that". Fair point I suppose, and after last year's incident at the NYC marathon it's probably for the best. So I need to come up with a new way to keep the nasty little voices at bay, and since I'm banned from purchasing knitting needles at every Michaels, Hobby Lobby, and JoAnn's in a 300 mile radius due to an unfortunate misunderstabbing, it's either captain a DPL team or perfect my illusionary skills to simultaneously fool Penn & Teller and steal their wallets in the same trick. As captain, you can rest assured this season will not go nearly as well as the Tigers' did; Circus Maximus, Detroit, or Clemson. I communicate solely through the abstract concept of Discord instead of the computer program; if I need to make a subsitiute I start feeding the local pigeons laxitive infused breadcrumbs and hope that a chain of shitheads bring word through the grapevine. In conclusion, I am woefully unqualified to captain a DPL team and I'm really only posting this so I can get a small shred of joy back in my heart seeing that little corgi go round and round in my signature; a ray of sunshine in these dark days before we all die from CORVID-19 and the rest of the robotic ravens.
I hope this appeal will show MajorBowman the error of his ways and get him to please text me back, I know I took all the batteries out of the remotes and smoke detectors when I left but I swear I've changed :(
